“Have you talked to your cousin about it?”
“Yeah, but it’s not easy to talk to him about this.”
“Why?”
“He has his own life going on with Mia and the baby, but mostly because he lost his parents in an accident and, of course, he’d do anything to have them back, especially now. Ross thinks I’m wasting a chance to make amends, and maybe have a parent again, that I should forgive and forget.”
She swallowed to keep her voice from cracking. “But I will never forget. It’s not the same thing as losing someone you loved, who loved you back. I’ve had to go my whole life knowing my mother didn’t think I was important enough to check in, to make sure I was okay. And it’s so hard because I’d really love to have a mom, but not that one. She’s already broken me.” There were tears burning on the brims of her eyes, but she wouldn’t let them go. Luna was done crying over her mother, over herself, over the unending sense of what she’d never have.
“Come here.” He encouraged her closer and she turned, assuming the small spoon position as Sam held her. She wasn’t a cuddler, she wasn’t, but Luna could also close her eyes and breathe, absorbing the comfort his presence offered.
“You’re resourceful and smart and resilient, not to mention beautiful,” he said into her ear. “If there’s anyone walking around with regrets, it’s probably your mom because she missed out on all of this.”
She sniffed and took his arm draped across her, hugging it to her chest. “I was definitely kissing you when we were on the Ferris wheel.”
Sam gave a small chuckle. “Oh, it was pretty obvious you wanted this body ever since the park.”
“Wow. You’re a real arrogant ass.”
“But I’myourarrogant ass.”
Luna rolled her eyes while pushing him away. “All right, you big goof, I love you but it’s time to go to sleep.”
He kissed her forehead. “Night, Queenie.”
She didn’t react, didn’t reply, didn’t move because she couldn’t. The words, which had popped from her mouth, echoed in her head. Maybe he hadn’t heard her, or he realized it was a joke. Clearly, it was a joke, right? What else could it be? People said “I love you” all the time about all kinds of things but it wasn’t a real declaration.
And yet…
And yet, earlier Luna had stated she didn’t like to say anything she didn’t truly feel.
Sam had fallen asleep on his back, his breathing slow and deep. Duchess settled on the pillow beside his head. One of Luna’s hands rested on his chest and, even in his sleep, he held it there. As she studied the outline of his profile, something stirred within her chest.
Maybe there was something here, something deep between them. Maybe he’d stay and maybe she didn’t need a bug-out bag anymore. Maybe when Spring arrived, she’d let him take over the yard and plant whatever type of garden he wanted, regardless of whether it was aesthetically pleasing or not. A whole world of maybes opened to her.
What would happen if she made a real declaration?
Sam knew almost everything there was to know about Luna, even more than Viggo, and he was still here. Did he love her? She resisted waking him to ask. It was probably hard to love someone who woke you in the middle of the night in order to ask pressing relationship questions.
Instead, Luna rested her head against his bare shoulder and listened to him breathe. She wondered what his parents were like. Sam didn’t talk about them often, unless he was recounting a story from when he was a kid. She remembered they were divorced, and his dad lived somewhere else, but his mom was in town. How long until Sam introduced them? Would his mom like her? Would his mother fold her in as if she was part of the family?
Viggo’s mom had always been sweet to Luna’s face, but it had all been a thin veneer. Luna had overheard her tell Viggo’s sister that she found Luna to be ‘a little too brazen’ and hopefully her son would get over the phase soon.
Surely Sam’s mom would be different. Luna could also be different from who she used to be. She could be someone who was lovable.
And this feeling of hope inside her? That was also different.
Chapter Thirty
The discussion hadstarted innocently enough.
Sam and Luna had been relaxing on her couch, watching some movie on Netflix while sharing a bowl of popcorn. She had insisted on making them some gourmet flavor, rosemary parmesan.
“Really?” He made a face.
“It’s fun to try something new. Don’t be boring,” she replied.
He did try it. While it wasn’t horrible, why couldn’t he have regular butter popcorn? At least butter didn’t overpower his taste buds like rosemary did. Sam had a sneaking suspicion Luna held a similar opinion because she lost interest after a few handfuls, preferring to trail her fingers across his forearms.