Page 16 of Huge Games

When we've finished dissecting Dalton's party where we first kissed, and I've finished two deliciously different cocktails, I notice one of Eddie's friends moving closer. I rest my hand on Dornan's knee. "I'm going to kiss you now, okay?"

With wide blue eyes the color of a cerulean sky, he blinks. Then his head bobs in almost imperceptible agreement. The distance between us is too great, so I slide off my stool, stand between Dornan's beefy legs, and rest my hands against his slab-of-granite chest. He breathes in so deeply that it's a wonder he doesn't get a head rush.

It feels strange to slide my hand around the back of his neck and to feel his palms encircling my waist. Strange but also fluttery and exciting. He's so big and brawny, exuding a level of protectiveness that settles the uncertainty lurking inside me like a dark weight under my ribs.

I lean in closer, leaving it until the last minute to drop my eyelids. When our lips meet, it's a brush of contact that sends shivers up my arms.

Unlike Elias, Dornan is gentle and tentative at first, only becoming demanding when we've learned the way each other moves, and I get lost in the teasing way he sucks my bottom lip between his. Dornan's hands go from gentle to greedy, pulling me closer until I'm clamped between his strong legs. It's good because my knees are the consistency of Cool Whip, and my mind has chosen this exact moment to exit my body.

When Dornan makes a low rumbling growl in histhroat, and his hands slide up my sides so that his thumbs are resting just beneath my breasts, I draw back so that I can look into his eyes.

For the first time, I get to witness his pupils spread with arousal, darkening them to the color of the sky just before darkness falls. The flashing lights reflect into them, and he stares at me like I'm something new and shiny and fascinating.

"Was that okay?" he asks.

"More than okay," I find myself replying with a husky, breathless voice.

"Did they see?"

I don't look around to check who's watching us. I'm too caught up in the moment.

"Can I take a selfie of us?" I swallow, trying to fuse my splintered mind again. This is Dornan Walsh, not a Hollywood A-lister. I need to get myself together.

"Sure. Of course."

I turn in the circle of his arms and pull out my phone, holding it high and resting my face against Dornan's. On camera, we look like a sweet couple. My dark hair contrasts with his, but our features seem well matched.

"Where are you going to post it?"

I open Instagram and show him my page. The last photo I posted was with Elias. It hasn't had as many likes as I hoped it would get. I upload the picture I just took, studying the images side by side. There's a remoteness to the image of Elias and apresentnessto the image of Dornan.

I glance around, trying to find anyone who might tell Eddie about this fake date, but I don't see a single person. Playing games without an audience is a waste of my precious time. Time that could be spent doing other things.

IfDornan is happy to play more games.

"You wanna get out of here?" I ask in a blasé way even though my heart makes a funny squeezing thud in my chest at the thought of taking him back to my dorm and riding the fuck out of him.

What will Ellie think? It's weird to contemplate sharing this with her. We've been open about our sex lives, but that was when the men involved weren't mutual friends. Dornan has been Ellie's best buddy since kindergarten. Would sharing a night of sexual exploration with him be like treading on her toes?

And there’s Elias.

What we had last night was casual, but that doesn’t mean he won’t have thoughts about me fucking Dornan.

"Whatever you want to do," he replies.

The wordsmy timesing through my mind. What do I want? It’s such a novel question to ask myself. I want no strings affection that doesn’t blast our relationship skyward. Can I have that with Dornan? I think so.

I touch his cheek, and grin with all the wickedness that comes with being selfish and focusing on my needs. "Take me home, Mr. Walsh."

The car journey is relatively quiet. The kiss has settled between us like a curtain of uncertainty. I can practically hear the cogs cranking in Dornan's mind and all the questions he wants to ask me but is holding onto tightly in his mouth.

I stare out of the window, thinking about my sister, Marie. She's never experienced relationship issues. She met her husband in high school, and they settled down so quickly, it made my head spin. Now I have the cutest niece, and Marie seems blissfully happy. By contrast, I've never found a man who really sees me or who's preparedto do the work to see more than what's on the surface. I know I put up high barriers because letting people get close always ends up with me getting hurt. As a result, trusting is hard, and I pick men like Eddie and Elias because they keep me at arm's length where there's no chance of getting burned.

Except there is. Infidelity and rejection hurt whether you’re in love or not.

Dornan isn't like that.

He doesn't have hang-ups that make his corners sharp. The way he thinks and moves isn't clouded by past experiences. He's in the moment, secure in himself and who he is. He doesn't doubt that the world will bring him good things. I know this because he expects good things to come to everyone around him.

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