Page 55 of Off the Beaten Path

“Hewantsmetocome to breakfast.”

“Is that a euphemism?” Rae asks, her voice sleepy, as though I woke her up with my call. Glancing at the clock on my bedside table, I realize that with the hour time difference between us, I probably did. She’s lucky I didn’t call the minute I woke up. I barely slept all night, my mind playing all the details of yesterday evening in great detail.

I sigh. “No, it’s not a euphemism. He actually invited me over to breakfast. With June.”

“Why would he do that?” Rae asks, sounding a little more alert now.

I flop back against my pillow, saying the one thing that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about since the moment it happened. “He kissed me. Like really, really kissed me.”

“Do tell,” Rae says, definitely more awake and interested now.

“Yes, please do,” Leland yells in the background, sounding half-asleep and irritated at the wake-up call.

It makes a smile twist up the corners of my lips. I spend the next few minutes recalling the events of last night, pausing to answer Rae’s questions, and, halfway through, Leland’s as well. Despite his grumbling, he’s as invested now as she is, just like I knew he would be.

“So you mean to tell me he pinned you against the counter and kissed you?” Rae asks.

I hum in the back of my throat, remembering how it felt to have him against me, his lips slanting over mine. I thought maybe our kiss in the hallway at Matty’s was a fluke, driven by heightened emotions and an intense awareness of each other, combined with the risk of someone finding us. But last night, we were alone, just us. There was no one to perform for. And we still fit together like we were made for each other. Like finally finding the key that fits into a door that’s been locked for too long.

It ruined me for anyone else, and I’ve spent all night terrified he’ll tell me it was a mistake again.

“Yeah,” I respond a little breathlessly. “That’s exactly what he did.”

“Wow,” Rae sighs.

I nod, even though she can’t see me. “Yeah.”

“How was your evening with June?” she asks, and I’m a little surprised by the change in direction.

Despite my surprise, I smile, sinking further into the cushions as I remember her little body curling up against mine, the way she snuggled into me, so full of trust. I’ve never had someone rely on me and have such easy faith in me before. It was scary, having all that directed at me, when I felt so undeserving. But it also made me ache with a mix of pride and longing. Something entirely unfamiliar yet also exactly right.

“She’s amazing, Rae. You’d love her. She’s sweet and sassy and just so fully herself, you know?”

I can almost hear the smile in Rae’s voice. “Sounds like you when you were little.”

Holden has made similar comments the past few weeks, though not in such a direct way. It’s been more like a comment about my sweet tooth or the way I pester him. It feels like honey in my chest when Rae says it, though. Like a secret, hidden desire I wasn’t even aware I had.

“She’s something special,” I say, and I mean it. Glancing at the clock once more, I see I need to get up and shower so I can make it to breakfast. “Rae, I’ve got to go.”

“Call us and give us all the details,” Leland shouts, and my lips tip up in a smile. I’m really thankful my sister married someone as good as him.

“I will,” I promise and end the call, staring up at my ceiling once more, the events of last night playing through my head again.

I can still taste Holden’s lips, smell that woodsy, earthy scent that’s so specific to him. I wanted to sneak into his bathroom last night and see if it was a body wash or if he just smells like that because of his job. I can still feel June’s hair slipping through my fingers as I braided it, hear her breaths even out as she fell asleep against me.

Last night seems like a dream, the kind that opens your heart up to an ache that wasn’t there before, an unknown desire. Even though it was all so new, it felt familiar, easy in a way I wouldn’t have expected. Getting June ready for bed, being woken up by Holden, being wrapped up in his arms when we were finally alone.

I’ve known for a long time that I wantsomeone, a partner. I just didn’t expect him to come with someone else. Holden and June are already a family, but last night felt like I fit seamlessly into it. I don’t know if today will be the same, but suddenly, I want it more than anything. I want to fit.

My hands shake as I prepare to knock on Holden’s front door. I don’t know what to expect from him, how he’ll react to me in the light of day. How I’m supposed to act around June. I know he’s so protective of her, and I don’t know if he feels entirely comfortable letting me into his life with her.

The door swings open before I have a chance to knock, and a head of blond curls comes barreling out toward me, smacking into my legs. Tiny arms grip my thighs in a vise-like grip.

When I look down, June is smiling up at me, her front two teeth missing. “Good morning, Wren.”

And just like that, my reservations die, replaced by a spreading warmth that blocks out the morning chill. Bending down, I scoop her up, and she moves her arms around my neck instead. She smells like my shampoo, and I notice her curls today are significantly more tamed from the overnight braids.

“Good morning to you too, June Bug.”

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