Page 83 of Just Friends

My voice is hard when I say, “Yes, I actually did it.”

Destiny watches the two of us, and I know he can see everything. “And it didn’t go well?”

I shove my hands under my thighs, trapping them there to keep them from shaking. “No, it went okay. She said…” I pause. “She said she needs time.”

“How much time?” Parker asks, his voice sounding even deeper in the quiet of the locker room.

“I don’t know,” I answer, my shoulders lifting in a shrug.

I can feel Parker’s eyes on me. “And things are just going to stay the same between you guys in the meantime? What about if she ends up saying she…” He stops, as if searching for the right words. “If she says she doesn’t feel the same way?”

That’swhat’s eating at me, the thought of continuing how things are going for days or weeks or months, only for her to decide she can’t date me, that it’s too big a risk. I don’t know where that would leave me. My friendship with Hazel is the best thing in my life, but it’s also the thing that’s slowly deteriorating me. I don’t think I can bejustfriends with her anymore, not after everything that has changed over the past few weeks. I think if she were to tell me she couldn’t love me the way I love her, I’d have to back off. The thought makes me physically ill.

“I don’t think things can stay the same,” I say, and my gaze connects with Destiny’s. “Is that selfish? To be all or nothing?”

The words hang in the air between us for a long moment. Only the distant clack of weights and the pounding of footfalls on treadmills in the gym outside mar the silence.

Finally, Destiny says, “No, it is not selfish. But I have to ask, will it hurt more to give her up completely or to only get to keep the part of her that she’s willing to give you?”

That is the million-dollar question, the one that has been going on an endless loop in my head for so long. All along, I knew it would come down to this one day, and I’ve managed to make it this far. Surely, I could keep going, hold on desperately to whatever pieces she can give. But even as I think it, I know it’s not true.

“You can’t do it,” Parker says softly. “I’ve seen you two together. You’d never be able to watch her fall in love with someone else.”

He’s right, of course, and I feel it all the way down to my bones. It’s like there are strands of my DNA written entirely just to love her, and I know that parts of me would shrivel up and die watching her fall in love with someone else. The past few weeks have been eating me alive, and she hasn’t even hit it off with anyone yet.

My shoulders sag as the breath leaves my body. “I’d have to let her go,” I say, hating how my voice sounds like fresh sandpaper, rough and scratchy.

“Are you prepared for that?” Destiny asks.

A storm brews in my gut, roiling and churning. “No, not at all.”

“Maybe while she’s on this trip—”

“How did you know she’s on a trip?” Adam cuts Destiny off, the pale blue eyes he inherited from Mom turning hard and glinting under the fluorescent lights.

Destiny looks at Adam, white brows raised on his sun-spotted forehead. “I told you I hear everything.” Turning back to me, he says, “Maybe while she’s gone, you should figure out what you will do if she says she doesn’t feel the same way.”

The thing is, Iknowshe does. I could see it all over her face yesterday, read it in her body language as easily as words on a page. Hazel loves me, even if she’s too scared to do anything about it.

And that’s a very real possibility. One I need to prepare myself for. Or else it will feel like hurricane-force winds ripping me to shreds.

“I can do that,” I tell him, resolution settling firmly inside me.

Destiny nods, his lips pursing. He looks at the three of us in turn before saying, “It’s been good chatting with you, kids. I won’t hold you up any longer. Thank you for indulging an old man who loves gossip.”

Adam watches Destiny warily before pushing off the lockers and heading for the door. Parker follows a second later after flashing me one more confused look. When I stand to go, Destiny says, “Wait, Alex.”

I spin to face him.

His blue eyes are warm, and he looks at me like a concerned grandfather would, tenderly and sympathetically. “Let me know how things go, would you?” he asks, and I can detect that faint English accent, the one that can only be heard in certain words.

“I will,” I promise, and I then head for the door before turning around once more. “Destiny, are you really a ghost?”

A smile touches his lips. “No,” he says after a moment. “I own the gym, and the security cameras are always playing in my office. You’d never believe the juicy gossip I hear.”

Laughter punches out of me with the force of a cannonball.

“Don’t tell your brother. I want to keep him guessing,” he says.

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