Page 9 of Hearts of Stone

“Who’s for the pub, then?” George was a short, gruff man who’d been working in supermarkets all of his considerable life. We all knew, because he reminded us of it regularly. “I think we deserve a beer after this bullshit.”

“Well, I’d like something that doesn’t taste like used jockstrap,” Daniel said, with a wrinkle of his nose. “But, yeah.” He looked me over speculatively. “I think wealldeserve a drink.”

“Well, I’m having a whole bottle of wine to myself,” Isabel said, with a shake of her head. “That bitch… She put it on you to tell us?” I nodded slowly. “Bugger her, and her cat’s bum face. I’ve got kids to feed and rent to pay and—”

“And we can talk that over at the pub.”

Daniel steered me out of the store and led me through the main part of the shopping complex. It was probably just as well we were leaving, because as we went we saw Jackie talking rather spiritedly to the complex’s security guards, with a lot of gesticulating in our direction. When she stopped, they started a slow amble towards us. Given that we were already on our way out, they didn’t put too much effort in. I rolled my eyes at her antics as I looked back at Daniel. Alcohol probably wasn’t goingto help my situation, but it definitely couldn’t hurt. I smiled and wrapped my arm around his waist.

“Let’s go to the pub.”

Chapter 6

Getting drunk and then staggering back to your ex’s swanky apartment? Not smart. But after several rum and Cokes, a few beers and I wasn’t sure how many shots, I didn’t know or care what smart was. I could barely feel my face, or my feet.

“Oof!” I said, as Daniel and I stumbled out of the lift.

I felt like my body still wanted to float up, up, up, as if it hadn’t registered that we’d stopped. Danny boy was just as bad, staggering after me, then into me, with enough force to send the two of us careening across the expensive lobby. Our arms and legs flailed around as we struggled to regain our balance, until we ended up slapping our hands against the wall across from the lift. Daniel looked at me and I looked back at him before we both burst out laughing.

“Whoopsie doodle,” he said with a sloppy grin. “Now, where does Pencil Dick live again? Pencil Dick…!” He shouted out the epithet, his voice echoing around the lobby. “Oh, Pencil Dick!”

“Shhhhh…” I went to put my finger up to my lips, missed, poked myself in the eye and then started laughing again. “Ow! Why am I laughing?”

“I dunno.” Danny started laughing too, and the two of us dissolved into giggles like a pair of school children. “Now your eye’s all puffy.” His hand swooped through the air, aiming for my eye, but he poked me in the cheek.

“Ow! What the fuck! If you’re gonna poke anyone, poke Trevor,” I shot back.

“Oh, honey.” Danny pulled himself up to his full height. “Not even with someone else’s dick.” His head swung wildly towards my door. “I wonder if Pencil Dick and Salmonella are here?” He stumbled sideways towards the door, grabbed the handle and worked it back and forth, then shook it. When that didn’t achieve anything, he began to pound on the door. “Hey, Salmonella! Put your hairy flaps away. My girl needs her shit. Not to do a shit, though.” He looked at me. “You don’t, do you?”

“And sully Pencil Dick’s porcelain throne?” I said, sniggering. “I wouldn’t dare.”

“Fucking dickhead thinks he shits gold now he’s a big shot lawyer. Hey, Pencil Dick! Open up!” To my surprise, the door jerked open and there was Pencil Dick, I mean Trevor, looking thunderous. “Oh my god, I think I want to puke,” Danny groaned.

“What the bloody hell are you two doing here?” Trevor asked, in clipped tones, but then I saw who else was there. His body blocked the doorway, stopping us from getting in but also trying to block our view of…

“Who’s at the door, Big Daddy?” came a simpering voice.

Danny’s eyes swung my way as mine lifted to meet his, and we both stared at each other before erupting into a raucous burst of cackles.

“Big…?” Danny stumbled back, pointing to Trevor’s groin, then lifting his little finger. “In what world is four inches ‘big’?”

“Four…?” came the outraged huff from Big Daddy himself as he glared at Danny and then at me.

Uh oh, Trevor’s ire was redirected at me and I just knew inside his head he was correcting Danny to 4.5 inches. I knew that size didn’t have to mean anything. It literally was how you used your dick, not the size, but still… When you were a weaselly little fuck who didn’t give a shit about feminine pleasure, who walked around like he was giving off Big Dick Energy, even though the reverse was absolutely true, I knew exactly how he was feeling.

Inadequate.

Something I knew all too well. I walked up to my ex while he was still huffing and puffing and pushed past him, determined to make the experience quick and painless, but, of course, Syphilis couldn’t let that happen.

I didn’t want to hate her. She might be the equivalent of an STD inside my head, but she wasn’t the one who’d committed to a monogamous relationship with me. That’d been Trevor. He was the one who betrayed me. He was the one that broke my heart. She didn’t know me from Adam, but Trevor sure did. So I tried to avoid her as I walked in, even as I felt her eyes boring into my skin, while I made a beeline for my boxes. Danny and I had worked out a plan. I’d take my stuff around to his place until the end of the week. He could keep his dick in his pants for that long, he’d assured me, or he’d make sure his hookups could host.

But Sphincter couldn’t let that happen.

“What’re you doing here?”

She strode across the floor, full of righteous fury, which was her first mistake. Then she stabbed a finger in my direction. Mistake number two. Without me even thinking, my hand was up and grabbing that stabby digit, bending it backwards until she let out a pathetic little whine.

“I’m here because my name is on the lease,” I told her, pushing the joint a little further and feeling a small pop. “I’m here because when Pencil— I mean, Trevor, rented this place, itwas to provide the two of us a home. But I don’t want him, or his new aftershave that smells like cat’s piss, or those stupidly expensive suits, or his fancy coffee press.” My smile had long faded but as I looked around me, I felt my spirits plummet. I let go of Sebum’s hand and shoved her away from me. “I don’t want him. I just want to get my shit and go.”

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