I stepped closer to Rodney, who turned toward me, and kissed him.
“Thank you,” I said when I broke the kiss.
Rodney nodded. I couldn’t read his expression, but I had an idea about what was running through his mind.
“I know this can’t happen again,” I added. That was what we had agreed upon before we’d started, right? One last time.
“Yeah, that’s good. No more.” His voice was still a little hoarse and not as convincing as it could have been, but we couldn’t keep doing this. I understood that he wanted us to stop.
I just didn’t know how I was going to do that.
Rodney collected his briefcase and walked with me to my desk where I found my bag. He let me walk first out of the office, and we walked to the elevator together in silence. There was nothing to say, after all.
I wasn’t sure I would be able to let it go. I couldn’t just forget about fucking Rodney. Or rather, about him fucking me. It had been spectacular both times, and I wanted him to make me feel that way again. What we had done today had only made me want him more. I was already ready for round two. I wanted him to take me home with him and strip me naked. I wanted him to taste my body again, to fuck me in more positions. To give me orgasms until I couldn’t hold myself up anymore.
But none of that was going to happen, was it? Because Rodney didn’t want to keep doing this. A part of me understood where he was coming from, but a much larger part of me wanted to keep doing this. I wanted him to keep touching me the way he’d touched me, looking at me as if it would be the end of his world if he didn’t have me right now. How the hell was I supposed to walk away from this? How was I supposed to close this chapter and not look back?
I wanted it to be different. I wanted to change it. Something had to give.
When I glanced at Rodney, stoic and silent in the elevator next to me as if nothing had just happened between us in the office, I realized it was all a dream. Rodney wasn’t going to fuck me again. He wasn’t going to keep playing this game with me. I had told him it was the last time, and he was going to hold me to it.
Fuck.