Page 13 of Your Soul Is Ours

Marla

Sebastian wasn’t at the centre today, and I worry that he’ll get a fine. The reason for his absence is unknown. I wasn’t close to having my number called by the time the centre closed. The day was uneventful without him next to me. In the last month,we’ve hung out every day, and I know in my heart that I’m falling for him. His witty comebacks, the way he takes care of me, how handsome he is, and his muscular arms around me when we cuddle is my favourite spot in the world.

He makes me feel like I’m worth something, that I’m irreplaceable. My entire life, I’ve been picked over. Everyone would rather have someone else, even my family. No one has ever wanted to see the real me. He changes things for me and gives me the strength to continue. He makes me feel when I’m usually numb, and since we’ve spent more time together, I haven’t slid the blade over my skin. The scars that line my arms make me embarrassed, but he never makes me take off my shirt. He isn’t someone who would judge me.

A new girl passed me on my way out of the centre today. When I saw her long blonde hair twisted in a frizzy mess it made me want to help her brush it out. For the first time in a long time I feel I can help someone else, like Sebastian does for me. But all I can do is offer her a smile, my mind unable to make up the words and talk to her.

The chill in the air cuts through my sweater as I walk home, my head down until I reach my apartment. I check my phone, but there are no messages from him. Fear enters my body without my permission. I wonder if I’m too much work. Maybe he doesn’t want to be around me anymore. My breath catches in my throat while a fog clouds my mind. If everyone thought I wasn’t worth the effort, why would a guy think I was?

I lay on my bed, ignoring the calls from my mother. She’ll only cut me deeper than the demons in my head. I look at the wall until my tears stop, rearranging doubt and letting the pieces settle. I hear rapid knocks at the door, and as I walk to the entrance, I worry it’ll be my creepy landlord.

“My dove, what happened?” His deep brown eyes look into mine fiercely, taking in my crumpled appearance.

“I’m sorry,” is all I can whisper. My tears return, and I do my best to blink them away.

“Never apologize. You did nothing wrong. What happened?” He closes the door and walks towards me until my back hits the wall. One hand leans above me as he looks down into my eyes. His body wash wraps around me as he leans closer, his hand strokes my cheek.

“It’s stupid,” I get out.

“Nah, not you. Not possible. Who hurt you?”

“My mind. I worried that you’d had enough of me. That you were sick of taking care of me and left, and I couldn’t contain how it made me feel.”

His eyes soften as he drops his face to mine. He’s so close, his breath is on my skin. “Never. You are everything I have ever wanted in my entire life. You are my moon, the sky, and all the fucking stars. I will never leave you unless you tell me to. Even then, I won’t really leave.” He kisses my tears away from my cheeks, and his mouth moves to mine.

My hands wrap around his waist, and we stand in the entranceway together. His forehead presses to mine as he breaks the kiss. “What we have is rare. You quiet my thoughts, Marla. You are the peanut butter to my jam, the only person I feel like I can be myself around.”

Before I can say anything, my phone is ringing again. His eyes bore into mine. He leans back and kisses my forehead as I answer. “Hello, Mother,” I say.

“Finally! What if it was an emergency? What if I was dying? What if I needed you, and you were too selfish to answer the fucking phone?” she screams into the phone.

My eyes meet Sebastian’s, and he offers me a half smile and holds up his smokes. I nod, listening to her endless shit while we walk out for a cigarette. “Are you smoking? Marla, you know that will put you into an early grave.”

“One could only hope, Mother. How are you?”

“You have to come over for dinner tomorrow night. I’d like to apologize in person.”

I mute the phone and look at Sebastian. “Will you come to dinner tomorrow night at my mother's?” He grimaces but nods and then grins. “Hey, Mom, can I bring my friend?” If you could hear shock, it would be on repeat at this moment.

“You have a friend? Who is this person?” Her judgmental tone sounds like she doesn’t believe me.

“His name is Sebastian. He’s more than a friend but not quite a boyfriend.” Hope blooms in my chest. It feels like what we have is far beyond a normal relationship, but I wouldn’t know what to call us.

“Yes, I guess that is fine. I’ll make the adjustments to the size of portions. You really could have let me know in advance so I wouldn’t have to go to so much trouble,” she scoffs.

“Well, I don’t eat that much, so he could share with me, or we could bring tacos for dinner.”

“What have you become? A fucking heathen?”

Ah, of course, maybe it is a bad idea to bring him. If he found out the level of hate I come from, he might run like the wind. Picking at the hole in my jeans, I listen to her talk down to me. Sebastian covers my hand with his own and shakes his head, pulling me from the dark place in my mind.

“Alright, Mother, we will be there tomorrow at five,” I tell her. I hang up and turn my head to Sebastian.

“It’ll be alright. Together we are stronger,” he says, and I wonder how he can be optimistic, but it’s because he’s never met her. She is the type to drain the will to live from your veins and blame you for making her do it.

“Hopefully you are right, I don’t have to go to the centre tomorrow, but you will have to get your fine. Other than work, I don’t have any plans.”

“Me either. I have a few days off work until they are finished changing management.”

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