She and Dad took it in stride and changed my name to Charlotte and gave my sister Daniella. But being the economical woman she is, Mom put us in the boy clothes she’d already bought until we outgrew them. So, in most of our baby pictures we look like boys.
As we grew up, and our parents told us the story, my sister started calling me Charles’ and in retaliation I call her Daniels. We only ever use our real names in exceptionally serious situations or when we’re introducing ourselves to strangers.
“The flu drugs didn’t work, Ella.” I point out the obvious. I’ve been as sick as a dog for over two weeks now. At first it was just a minor cold, but then I started getting nauseous, and it graduated to having to puke my guts out every single morning, and occasionally afternoon.
The bed dips as she lies on her back next to me, “I know.”
We silently study the star constellations I had painted on my ceiling for a few minutes. “What star is that again?”
I smile as I follow the direction of her pointed hand. “That’s the dog star. It’s called Sirius and is the brightest star in the night sky.” It’s about a thousand times brighter than the faintest star you can see with the naked eye. “But you already knew that.”
Ella is perhaps the only one, other than Dad, who could patiently listen to me go on and on about stars and galaxies and my weird obsession with astronomy. Whenever I have a bad day or I’m sick, I stare up at the depiction of the night sky on my ceiling–both here and my childhood room–and either Dad or Ella would come in and ask about it to cheer me up.
When Dad presented me with the possibility of an arranged marriage to Ezra all those years ago–has it really only been five?–he did so lying shoulder to shoulder with me on my bed while I talked about the big dipper and the spiral galaxy M81. It eased the blow a little, but I was still completely taken aback by the proposition. Partly due to the absurdity of the suggestion, but mostly because Dad was presenting it like it was in my best interest, not as a business move, which we both know it was. He was my best friend, other than Ella, and that fucking killed me.
“Yeah, but it’s nice to hear you talk about it,” she says as she gets up from the bed.
I toss a small glance at her. “Going somewhere?”
“I stopped at a pharmacy on my way home from work, and bought something for you.”
I groan rolling to my stomach, “Please Daniels, no more drugs!” The smell alone makes my nausea even worse. I flushed the flu drugs down the toilet, pretending I took them. I couldnotstand the smell. It was like they added ammunition to my nausea.
She rolls her eyes at me as she walks out of my room.
Being sick is weird. Ella and I rarely got sick growing up, so now I don’t even know how to navigate it. Dad was always the one to deliver chicken noodle soup in bed and hold cool clothes over our eyes. I’ll have to do something about it soon, though. If it doesn’t subside by tomorrow, I’ll be forced to go to the hospital. Ugh. I hate the hospital and needles. Surely they’ll wantme on an IV for fluids, I can feel myself withering away by how dehydrated I am.
Something lands next to me on the bed with a soft thud. I open one eye to see the big cracker biscuit next to me. I glance at Ella with raised brows. “To help with nausea,” she explains.
Really? I frown, wondering the science behind that. But I rip through the packaging and take one cracker out anyway. It can’t make it worse at any rate so it’s worth a try. Strange enough, the bland biscuit doesn’t trigger my nausea like most foods seem to do these days.
“Hmm,” I perk up, getting up from my back to devour the biscuit. I didn’t even realize how hungry I am until I’m staring at the almost empty package.
“Glad to see that helped.” I glance up at Ella’s words and frown at the strange way she’s staring at me.
“What? What is it? Do I have something on my face?”
She stretches her hand out from behind her back and I see three small boxes in her grip. At first I think it’s drugs–it’s not beyond Ella to make me pliable with food and then blindside me with more pills, she probably knows I didn’t take the ones she gave me–but upon closer inspection I realize what they are. Pregnancy tests.
My stomach churns at the sight of them and my heart starts to jackhammer in my chest. “W–why do you have those?”
“Come on, Charles, You haven’t had your period this month. Don’t bother asking me how I know.” I wasn’t going to. Our cycles always sync up; so, of course, she noticed I didn’t get my period when she did. I didn’t have my period last month, either, just a little spotting for two days, but I don’t tell her that now.
“I can’t–I can’t be pregnant.” I gulp, palm becoming sweaty with trepidation. What if I am? “I haven’t had sex since last year.” December with Ezra. “And I had my period right afterthat, so there’s just no way.” There’s no way. My chest heaves, breathes coming in pants as I shake my head frantically. No way.
Ella comes to me and places a comforting hand over my shoulder, “I know. It’s just to be sure. It’ll probably come out negative anyway.”
But what if it doesn’t? The day I got into town, I immediately bought the morning after pill. Then barely three weeks later, I got a light period, making me think I was home free.
I stare at the tests in Ella’s hands like they’re bombs about to go off. “Why do you have three boxes? I’m sure one is enough to seal my fate.”Or prove my–,I remind myself. According to the front of the box, there are three strips in each of them. Nine is too excessive, isn’t it?
“They’re from different brands. I wanted us to be really sure.’
I try to gulp but my throat is exceptionally dry. I don’t want to do this. “I have a bad feeling about this, Daniels.” I whisper.
“It will be fine, Charles. Whatever happens, you’ve always got me.” She gives me a big smile, which makes me slightly less terrified. She’s right. She’ll always be here for me. She always has been. Nothing can change that. I return her smile and tentatively accept one of the packages from her.
“Tell you what? To make it even more fun, we’ll both take a test,” she suggests with a daredevil smile. The same smile she always gets when she’s about to convince me to do something reckless, like take an exam for her. She even bought colored contact lenses, so my eyes would both be blue!