Page 53 of You've Always Been Mine

Derek

“What is this, Olivia?”I ask again. She stands at the sink with the water still running, looking like she’s seen a ghost.

She swallows the lump in her throat and finally shuts off the water with a shaking hand. “They’re ultrasounds.”

“I can see that.” I take a deep breath. “You were pregnant?”

“I was.”

My stomach clenches. The name on the ultrasound already confirmed as much, but what I don’t understand is the date. The images were taken two months after Avery’s wedding, and as far as I know, Olivia wasn’t seeing anyone at the time. And there’s no way she had a full-term pregnancy without me knowing. Someone in my family would have told me.

I’m not stupid; I know how it’s possible that she didn’t give birth to a child, but I have a hard time believing Olivia would take that route. She’s a young woman in her late twenties with a steady job and a supportive family, and she’s always wanted to be a mom. I can’t picture a scenario where she’d voluntarily end a pregnancy, but that doesn’t mean anything.

I don’t know the circumstances surrounding the pregnancy, and we didn’t we reconnect until recently. I have no right to judge or have an opinion on something that doesn’t involve me.

Though, itfeelslike it involves me. I can’t explain why. Maybe it’s because she’s my girlfriend? But she wasn’t my girlfriend back then…

“What happened?” I ask, taking care to observe Olivia’s features to see if I need to retract the question. I don’t want to overstep.

I’m not sure what I expect to see, but resignation isn’t it.

“I meant to tell you,” she murmurs.

“You did?”

She nods.

Now, I’m confused. “Why?” It’s not like she and I were together. We weren’t even truly friends. She owed me nothing.

Olivia blinks, and then she whispers, almost to herself, “You really don’t remember… do you?”

“Remember what?”

I’m horrified to see tears in her eyes. “We hooked up at Avery’s wedding, Derek.”

I rock back on my heels. “What?!”

She repeats, “We hooked up at Avery’s wedding.”

I shake my head so vigorously that I crack my neck. “That’s not possible. I would remember.” The moment the words leave my mouth, dread courses through me because it hits me that there is a very real possibility that I might not remember. And it’s thanks to a mix of alcohol and anti-anxiety meds that I no longer take.

I didn’t remember our kiss. Who’s to say I would remember anything else? Even something as momentous as having sex with the woman of my dreams. My throat tightens, and it becomes difficult to breathe.

“It is possible,” Olivia counters. One tear rolls down her cheek. She quickly wipes it away. “And the proof is there in your hands.”

I look down at the ultrasound. This time, I’m hit with an entirely different wave of emotion.

A baby.

Olivia and I created a baby.

I always hoped to be a father one day, but I never gave it a timeline. It seemed so far in the future. But staring at the first pictures of my son or daughter… I can’t begin to describe the way it makes me feel. The joy it brings me.

That joy swiftly fades as reality hits me.

Again, I look at the date on the image and do the math. This baby is no longer with us, and the pain of that acknowledgment feels like a knife to the heart.

Still staring at the ultrasound, I question, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

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