Page 30 of Mostly Loathing You

Don’t even get me started on that comment from yesterday. Something has changed and I’m not sure I’m welcoming it. Then again, I don’t miss the way my stomachflutters when I think about him these days. I don’t know if it’s some weird form of Stockholm syndrome or what, but I need to squash it sooner rather than later.

Occasionally nice or not, he’s still an ass.

“Whatever, he’s not important enough to even warrant this conversation,” I say as I pick at my cuticles. “How’s wedding stuff going?”

Gen takes the change in conversation in stride, shifting the topic away from Liam and me and toward linen colors and their top three choices for first dance songs. I ask about trivial wedding aspects: church or beach, big or small, whether she’s found a dress.

“Unfortunately, no.” Gen sighs. “I’ve looked online, but I haven’t had the chance to look at options. Since we’re not having a long engagement, it’s proven difficult to find stuff off the rack that works and I like.”

“Well, it doesn’t hurt to try things on.”

Our server approaches, and this time I actually know what I want.

“Beef pho, please.” I smile politely up at her as she takes my menu.

“I’ll have the same,” Gen says with a grin, allowing the server to walk away from our table before continuing, “I was actually hoping we could go dress shopping after we get back from Vail next week.”

I pause, expecting myself to feel a certain way about the idea of going wedding dress shopping with Gen. There is so much history between us, a lot of which involves my brother, but I realize for the first time in all of this that the anger and resentment over the years has faded so much that I don’t feel anything about it except joy.

Joy for two of the most important people in my life finding happiness in one another.

Even without a single prospect in my life, a pang invades my chest at the thought. While I am so beyond happy for Jackson and Gen, the jealousy that took up residence in me a long time ago has yet to subside.

“Sounds great.” I smile as the server sets our food down in front of us. She silently grabs our glasses and is gone again within seconds.

“Good. Actually…I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something…”

My stomach sours at her words as I anticipate a painful blow.

“Okay…”

“I was wondering…if you’d be willing to be one of my bridesmaids?”

Well, that wasn’t what I was expecting to come out of her mouth. However, it’s in this moment I realize I didn’t even consider I wouldn’t be a bridesmaid. I just assumed, given everything, that I would be, even if only for the simple fact that I’m Jackson’s sister, although I’d much prefer it not just be about that.

“Are you sure?” I ask, earning a confused look from Gen.

“Of course, Hannah.” She reaches across the table, grasping my hand in hers. “You have been one of my best friends for pretty much my entire life. I couldn’t imagine this day without you by my side. Jackson or no Jackson.”

A warmth blooms in my chest at her words of reassurance. “I’d be happy to be in the wedding, Viv.”

The childhood nickname feels weird rolling off my tongue. Over the past year, I’ve grown accustomed to calling her “Gen,” short for Genevieve, whereas my brother goes back andforth. This glint of familiarity draws a smile from her, so infectious that it spreads to my lips.

“I’m glad.” She squeezes my hand before pulling her hand back right as the server reappears with our refills.

The rest of our lunch goes by quickly, and while I’m not typically a huge soup person, the pho hits the spot, especially given the cooler-than-normal fall we’re having.

“Hey!” Sage’s voice rings through the air as we make our way out of the restaurant, the air hitting my face in a gust as it nearly takes the door with it.

“Hey, what’s up?” I respond as she approaches Gen and me, Savannah at her side.

“We were just doing some shopping!” Savannah’s peppy voice cuts through the wind that the buildings downtown exacerbate.

I’ve known Savannah for years, given her relationship with Jackson’s best friend Wes. She’s always been someone I liked, but I’ve spent the last year unpacking the fact that she’s essentially Gen’s number one now.

Well…other than Jackson.

Savannah and Gen have developed a bond that she and I just don’t have anymore. I used to be able to know exactly what Gen was thinking. Her favorite foods, her hobbies. While I have learned so much over the year we’ve been back in each other’s lives, it still stings every time I am reminded just how much I missed.

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