Page 116 of Mostly Loathing You

I give a barely perceptible nod in response before he turns and guides me through a doorway at the back of the restaurant. The tables here are arranged with extra space between them, all covered by red checkered cloths that rustle against the background noise of hushed conversations. A few couplessitting nearby can’t take their eyes off the stage as they cling to each other’s hands, ready for what lies ahead.

“How are you?” He asks the question far more tentatively than I’ve ever heard him speak.

“I’m good,” I laugh lightly. “You seem nervous—maybe don’t do that? It’s making me nervous.”

“Oh, I’m sorry that my nervousness causes you discomfort.” Sarcasm drips off his words as the tension leaves his shoulders. “I miss you, Hannah.”

My mouth twists in a slight smile before I go to speak, but as soon as his familiar brown eyes look into mine, the words get stuck in my throat. His gaze is heavy and intense, and suddenly, my stomach feels like it is filled with fluttering wings.

“I love you,” he whispers as he steps toward me.

My instincts tell me to melt into him, but as his lips ghost close to mine, I feel myself back up.

“Liam.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry.” He winces as he backs up, his defeated expression shooting straight through my heart.

“It’s not that.” I gulp before allowing my eyes to meet his again. “I love you too, but that was never the problem.”

He stares into my eyes for a while, but doesn’t fight me on what I’m saying. If we do this again, it needs to be on my terms. I’ve spent far too much time allowing my choices to be wielded by the whims of other people; I need to know that, in jumping back into this, it’s for the right reasons, not just because I miss him, and not without diving into any of the reasons we broke up in the first place.

“I’m not saying no,” I say, watching his shoulders relax at my words. “But I need time. We can talk again when I get backto Atlanta in May, but right now I need to focus on what’s best for me.”

“I’ve never wanted anything else for you, Hannah.”

“I know, but right now I need to be the one to make that happen.”

He nods again, but no words leave his lips. I take the opportunity to step into his space, wrapping my arms around his waist. Liam’s arms tighten around my shoulders as his lips press firmly to my temple.

And for the first time in two months, I feel at peace.

FIFTY-THREE

LIAM

Sun Feb 18 at 12:05 AM

Liam

it was really good seeing you

Hannah

im glad you came

i missed you

what? did that expire? shouldn’t you still miss me?

you see i would, but the utter humiliation of watching you perform that song caused my girly bits to shrivel in on themselves

do you only miss people you want to have sex with?

mostly yeah

Fri Mar 08 at 10:55 AM

im going on as martha tonight!! annabeth has the stomach flu

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