Page 86 of Second Chance Vacation

And she couldn’t, that was the fuck of it all.

THIRTY-THREE

JACKSON

The sound of my bedroom door slamming shut causes me to jump in response. My hands are trembling so much that I struggle to pull myself off the ground in front of my bed, but I manage.

What the hell just happened?

That’s rhetorical, I can tell you exactly what happened, but I don’t understand why I did it. I’ve always kept my cool with her. No matter the situation, I’ve always been intentional in the way I treat Gen.

I lost my cool today. It only takes me a matter of moments before I’m fighting the urge to run after her…to tell her I’m sorry and to try to make things right. Despite the nagging desire, I can’t move to open the door.

The shaking in my hands mirrors the trembling in my breathing as I struggle, gasping to hold onto any kind of stability. Tears prick at the sides of my eyes, but I wipe them away quickly, not letting them run down my face.

The look of pain on her face is seared into my memory.

Gen’s leggings are in a ball of tattered fabric hanging out of the waste bin, a nauseating reminder of what just happened.

Was I too rough with her? Did Ihurther?

The thought of that causes my stomach to churn and has me searching the room, desperate to find a trash can. My petty desire to make her feel the way she’s made me feel so many times doesn’t make me feel better…at all. If anything, knowing that I did that tears me limb from limb, and the idea that I could have caused her actual bodily harm has me ready to collapse. The taste of bile coats my tongue, making me question if I really will vomit. I yank the bin from below the desk, pulling it to my chest. As a reminder of everything comes to the surface, so does my lunch as I gasp, heaving into the trash can.

Unfortunately for me, I’ve never been a quiet puker.

A knock sounds from the door, and despite my hope that it by some miracle is Gen, I know in my gut it isn’t.

“Hello?” I say as my voice cracks, the acidic burn causing it to be almost inaudible.

“Jackson?” Hannah’s almost whisper carries through the now-cracked door, pulling my eyes to her. “I just got back…is everything okay?”

I can’t find it in me to tell her it all. Even more so, I can’t figure out the words to even tell her I’m fine.

So I don’t.

Hannah sits down on the bed, grabbing my hand in her own, forcing me to look at her. “Tell me what happened.”

THIRTY-FOUR

GEN

Knock, knock.

My head finds the cold side of the pillow once more as I try to find some level of comfort, something to lull me to sleep. The pounding in my head has me ready to slam my head against a wall, no matter how counterintuitive that may be.

Knock, knock.

Drifting in and out of my dream state, I find myself in limbo between my bedroom and the dream I’m clinging to.

I’m seventeen again, Jackson is there, and I am back in Live Oak, where I know I am safe. We’re swimming at Hannah’s house, and as my head bobs below the water, I am suddenly transported. I’m no longer in the pool. I’m in the Mediterranean Sea outside of the house we stayed in while in France. Wading in the water outside of the boat we rented, I’m struggling to grasp onto air. I’m struggling to latch onto the boat. No matter how loudly I scream, I can’t get them to notice me. My body is being pulled below water, and all I can do is stare up at my friends who are hanging out on the boat, drink in hand, without a single care in the world.

Knock, knock.

I’m pulled from the water by a faceless hand, I assume it’s Jackson, but when I look up, it’s someone else. It’s someone I haven’t seen in years, someone I left behind when I left for college and made every excuse not to see. The eyes staring back at me are my dad’s. While I know he’s grown older, he looks exactly the way he did when I was a kid, his tanned summer hue is peppered in sweat as he pulls me from the water, wrapping me into a hug as I land safely on the boat.

Knock, knock.

Being pulled back to reality, my gaze darts around the room in a foggy state between awake and sleeping. The sun is high up in the sky, so much so that the rays are barely coming in through the shades.

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