“Why is that it?” The weight of her statement sits on my chest, leaving me with questions I am not ready to approach.
“Because—” I sigh. “Because it just is. Jackson is great, and I’m glad he’s back in my life. He was my friend long before anything ever happened between us…but anything more just isn’t on the table.” The sting of that reminder leaves a sour taste on my tongue.
Savannah says nothing. She just stares at me, her face a visual manifestation of her trying to sort through the right words.
The gate clicks closed as Wesley and Jackson come into view, both drenched in sweat. Jackson’s shirt is thrown over his shoulder, bathing in the summer heat. He really is an exquisite sight. His skin glistens, a pink flush peppered over his expansive chest, stretching down to the hills and valleys of his infuriatingly perfect abs.
“Eyes up here, Gen.” Jackson winks at me, pulling my attention back to his face. I grow flushed as I realize my fixating has been noticed. Our eye contact doesn’t break, and neither does the grin plastered across his lips.
“How was your workout?” Savannah queries Wesley, pulling my attention from Jackson.
“It was good. We ran down on the beach. We really should get ready to head down there, by the way. I’m pretty sure the boat we rented was docked, so we may be able to get on the water early.”
My stomach drops instantly, leaving a stark taste of bile in my mouth.
Water. Us. On the water. The sea.
I’ve managed to avoid it since we arrived here, but this feels unavoidable. Savannah and I have surprisingly never talked about what happened to my mom. Not that she wouldn’t listen, but she’s never asked, and I’ve never been keen on offering up the information.
I look around at the group frantically, trying to find something to say, an excuse, a reason for us not to go, but I am at a loss. Jackson’s eyes are fixed on me, a look of concern plastered on him, so obvious I’m shocked neither Wesley nor Savannah is aware.
“We’re getting a boat?” Despite his look of concern fixed on me, Jackson’s voice sounds serene, a picture of calm.
“Yeah—we haven’t really gotten down to the water since we’ve been here, and since we leave in a few days, I figured it was as good a time as any.”
Jackson says nothing in return, but he continues to stare at me, the same blend of concern and confusion plaguing his face. I swallow dryly, trying to find my words.
“Well—we should get ready then.” My voice feels like a disembodied outside force, an autonomous being separate from myself. Within seconds, I am walking toward the house to change without a single idea of how I get to my room.
Jackson follows me upstairs, but I am locked inside the bathroom before he can reach me.
“Are you okay?” His voice carries through the wood I am pressed against with my eyes closed. I just need a moment to calm myself, and I’ll be fine.
“Yeah—uh…I just need to change…I’ll be right down!” I force a peppy tone that I am sure both of us know is disingenuous.
“Okay…well, I’ll be downstairs when you’re ready.”
I listen intently for Jackson’s footsteps going down the stairs before I exit the bathroom. I grab my sundress from the dresser and change to commit to what I said, dragging out the time I spend upstairs before joining them in the living room. When I join them, Savannah is quickly dragging us out the door. Jackson, however, like before, has his eyes on me, never letting go.
* * *
Jackson
The look on Gen’s face has me uneasy. We arrive at the beach and are about to go, not the dock, and I can’t break my focus from her. She is pale as a ghost and looks like she may be sick. I’m trying to follow her lead in terms of not doing something she’s uncomfortable with, but it is seeming more and more like she is going to push herself outside of her comfort level.
I’ve never been told why Gen doesn’t like large bodies of water, just that she doesn’t.
I learned when we were kids that it was a non-negotiable for her. We went to Lake Lanier with my family, and despite trying to get on the boat, she couldn’t do it. I now worry that today will pan out the same way.
Last time I couldn’t help her, but luckily Hannah was around. She helped her, and I could not have been more grateful for that. I felt helpless in that moment.
She is biting down on her bottom lip so hard that I am convinced any moment, I will see blood. The look of discomfort on her face has my stomach churning and rage billowing up in me at the fact that neither Wes nor Savannah has noticed that she’s obviously unwell.
“Are you okay?” I whisper close to her ear, trying not to draw attention if she doesn’t want it.
“I’m fine.” Her voice shaking tells me that that is a lie. She’s never been a good liar.
“What can I do?”