Page 48 of CHASE: Captive to the Dark

My lids lowered while I studied each one before me. “It could have been three of you.”

Palo’s head snapped up. “You can’t be serious.”

“I’m dead serious. Someone didn’t want me stepping up. That meeting between Rory and I should have gone flawlessly. Rory should have been dead, but men were waiting. What for? For what happened, to happen? Did they know I’d be fed up with that son of bitch pushing his drugs in my church and I’d snap? That’s a little farfetched. I talked to you, Palo, and I talked to Jim about how pissed I was at the incident happening. You and Jim, that’s it. So tell me, what am I to believe?”

Heads turned in Palo’s direction, but none of the men’s expressions told me they were nervous or worried.

“You’ve been my best friend now forever. If you think I’d set you up, you really have lost it. I’ve done nothing but encourage you to do this since before Abe got locked up. I told you not to let Jim lead when the time came. He didn’t have the balls. Sure, he was good at talking shit and we all loved him, but it was clear he couldn’t push like Abe did. You, though, you don’t back down. You know how to negotiate to get us what we need. It was always you.”

I took a deep breath, rubbing my hand over my temples. Nausea was starting to set in like it always did when these migraines hit. The pain was enough to make me want to go on a murdering spree against those motherfuckers who thought they’d take me out. And I’d find them. It was only a matter of time.

“Kit needs to eat. I’m grabbing something too and heading downstairs to check on her. Then I’m going to bed. Palo, Weston, Dave, you all stay. Alternate the couch. The rest of you go home and get some sleep. I want you back first thing in the morning.”

There were no disagreements as Ed and Max stood, heading for the door. I followed, setting the alarm behind them. As I headed for the kitchen, I couldn’t stop my pace from increasing. The more time that went by, the more I began to get antsy. Leaving Kit alone only reminded me of when she’d gotten sick with that ballgag in her mouth. It could have been bad news. She wasn’t wearing one now, I’d made sure of that, but so many scenarios kept repeating, sparking fear of the unknown. What if I was forgetting something and she ended up getting hurt, or killed? Suffocated as she threw one of her fits? It was absolutely insane to even worry about, but I couldn’t help it. I didn’t want to leave her side and my mind was trying in every way it could to convince me of reasons why. Reasons that made no sense.

I opened the refrigerator, spying only one thing. Sandwich meat. Package upon package of sandwich meat. Ed and Weston had stocked up on it during their trip, thinking it would feed all of us. I was so sick of eating it, and surely Kit was too, but that was all there was. I didn’t have any soup left. I needed groceries. Real groceries. Unfortunately, shopping would have to wait until the morning.

I looked down at my watch. It was too dark to run out now. A sigh left my lips and I got out the ingredients, moving through the task in a daze. As I headed for the basement, Palo’s voice stopped me.

“Father, about Kit.”

My head shook and he shut his mouth, but only for a moment.

“This isn’t like you. There’s always been women, but you’ve held to your vows. Get my meaning?”

Celibacy. Yes, I’d been so good in that regard since I’d been back in Untold. Not anymore. Is that why I’d had not intended to fuck Kit this last time? It was possible. I’d slipped once. Would I again? I was torn now that I remembered who I was. I wanted her—in every way—but I also knew my foundation. All the years of struggle to get control of my demons, they came crashing through me, spinning and swirling through my insides like a raging sea. Flickers of memories flashed before my eyes, taking me far, far away from my living room.

I was cold. Sick. Religion had found me at four in the morning behind a bar just outside of Denver. Coked up, drunk off my ass, I collapsed face-down in the alleyway. Laughter echoed in my head and it took me a moment to realize it was a homeless man sitting not feet away. The voice went in and out, transitioning from amusement to evil mockery. It was enough to bring me out of my stupor. Rage had been the first emotion I felt as I spotted the bald, haggard looking bum. Who was he to laugh at me? Me, Chase Harrison. Didn’t he know who I was? I could kill him without a single ounce of guilt. I could do whatever I wanted and no one would give a shit. But as I took him in, really looked at him, his face began to warp. To turn into what appeared to be some sort of demon. For the first time, I felt real fear.

In the halo of the back door’s light, his eyes turned black, his mouth elongating to an impossible state. I stared, horrified, trying to convince myself it was my drugged up state. And maybe it was, but I couldn’t unsee what I’d witnessed. Shakily, I had pushed to my feet, falling backwards as the evil laughter continued. The sound burned into my brain and I turned, getting sick.

Suddenly, the man was gone. I’d seen him the entire time in my peripheral vision, but when I brought my eyes back to the location of where he was sitting, he had disappeared. Fear.

For days, I was haunted. I let my mind replay over that night. Over my life. At eight in the morning, four days later, I found myself uneasily headed up the steps of the church. On the last pew, sat a Bible. Hours went by while I read. And I just knew. There was no questioning whether I was making the right decision. I left and I chased what I knew I had to do. I’d been so good. I’d changed.

Then I came back.

“I know what I’m doing,” I said lowly, turning my back on Palo.

“Do you?”

I stiffened and turned around. “Are you doubting me?”

“No. Of course not. I just think…the environment you have her in isn’t going to help you. Perhaps, move her somewhere else? Or remove the…” he paused, again, “maybe take out all the sex stuff so it doesn’t influence you. Shit, Father, you can’t tell me it’s not a temptation. I couldn’t think about anything else while I was down there.”

One of my eyebrow rose. “Anything else? Are you referring to thinking about sex in general, or sex with Kit?”

Palo got quiet while he stared. “I’m married.”

“Answer.”

“It’s complicated.”

“It can’t be too complicated.”

Palo shoved his hands in his pockets. “She’s attractive and the only woman here. I couldn’t help but put the two together, but I assure you, it wasn’t like you’re implying. I love Becky. That stuff just messes with your mind. You need to put it away.”

“Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine.”

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