Page 3 of CHASE: Captive to the Dark

I pulled at the material around my neck, trying to brush off the claustrophobic feeling.

Why wouldn’t anyone talk to me about my past? The other priest here just read me scriptures…or told me to pray. He was distant; almost fearful to be around me. It left me sinking in even more confusion. I didn’t belong here. But where was I going to go? Supposedly, I had no one I’d been close to before this happened. Kept to myself, as the sheriff had put it. And maybe I had.

I grabbed my black jacket, sliding it on as I headed for the door. I rarely left the church, but today, the unease was at an all-time high. Eight weeks I’d been here. And in all that time, I recalled nothing. Not a single detail. Aside from a picture of me, the other priest, and a few nuns on the desk in my room, I wouldn’t have believed the story I’d been fed. Me…good? I didn’t feel like a man of God. I felt like an imposter.

The pounding of my footsteps on the wooden stairs had me slowing. The silence was unbearable. It was always so quiet here. It made my skin crawl and the sensation was almost constant. How had I been able to bear this? Had I been so calm and accepting before? The beast inside of me now didn’t think so.

“Are you leaving?”

The soft voice of Sister Patricia had me turning to look over my shoulder as she exited the far back. Usually Father Brimley was hidden away in the office area where she’d come from, but I wasn’t sure if he was there now. It didn’t matter. He had his hands full in all areas now that I wasn’t doing my duties. It had guilt swarming even more. I couldn’t provide assistance…I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. It didn’t mean I didn’t secretly listen in or take confessions. But overall, I was lost.

“Yes. I thought I’d run into town for a little bit. I need some fresh air.”

The older woman’s brow furrowed. “Would you like me to find someone to go with you? It’ll be dark soon. The streets aren’t always safe.”

My lips pressed together for only a fraction of a moment before I shook my head. “I’d like to go alone if that’s alright. I need to think.”

“If you insist. But please, be careful.”

I reached for the handle, nodding as I pulled the door open and closed it behind me. At a quick pace, I headed around the building onto the main street. I had no idea where I was going. There were a decent number of shops along the way, but none I really cared to explore. Still, I had to kill time. Maybe something would come back. Maybe…

How many times had I thought that? I’d ventured into town maybe five times in the last eight weeks, hoping the same thing. Nothing. I was a lost soul searching for something they said may never return. The realization had me reaching in my pocket to grab my smokes before I realized I hadn’t smoked since I’d been released. Had I smoked before? The need was there. It had me blinking past the tug at my brain. Yes, I had to have smoked. I wanted to.

A corner store sat on the intersecting road and I headed that way. Agitation made me fiddle with my wallet and I pushed the condemning thoughts away. What would they say if I bought some? Would they look down on me because of what I wore? Of who I supposedly was?

The ding had the cashier looking up from the customer in line. A smile tugged at her lips and she glanced toward the man buying a six-pack of beer. I got in line, stepping up as he nodded a greeting and left.

“Hello, Father. How are you today?”

I forced a smile and scanned all the packs of cigarettes behind her. “I’m great. How ‘bout yourself?”

The dark-haired woman followed my gaze, but brought her attention back to me. “I’m doing great. Can I get you something?”

My stomach twisted and I reached up, pulling at the collar once again. “Did I used to come here a lot?”

She laughed. “Yes. All the time.”

“Great.” Instead of asking if she knew what I’d bought, I narrowed my eyes while my mind raced. “Can you get me the regular then?”

There was a pause, but the smile remained. “Sure thing.” Her hand moved to a white and red pack of cigarettes and she placed them down, leaving to walk to the back. When she returned, I tried to hide all emotion. She slid the small bottle of liquor toward me, pointing at the side of my chest. I pulled back the jacket, eying the hidden pocket.

“Perfect. Thank you.” My smile genuinely came and I placed it inside as she rang up the purchase. Jesus. What sort of priest was I? Although it felt good to have the guilt dissipate some, the torn feeling of the wrong I was committing was there.

“Still haven’t remembered anything yet?” There was a quietness in her tone while she scanned the store. A…hesitancy. Almost as if she wished I had. It was surprising since I’d asked plenty of strangers, looking for answers. It was always the same thing—nothing. But I didn’t believe they could be so clueless. The secrets were buried deep in their eyes. The people of Untold wouldn’t look at me. Wouldn’t meet my stare as I questioned them about who I was before someone left me for dead. What did they know that they didn’t want me to remember? Who were they afraid of? My attacker? Or…me?

“I remember nothing.” I took the pack of smokes and she handed me a lighter from the counter.

“It’ll come. Just give it time.”

All I could do was nod as I placed the smokes and lighter in my pocket and stepped back. “Thank you. I’m sure it will.” As I turned to leave, I stopped, turning back to take one last look at the cashier. She didn’t appear to be familiar, yet she knew me, or said she did. And she seemed to know what I needed, even though I didn’t. On her face, there was such…curiosity? Hope? Why?

I headed for the door, pushing my way out and walking to the side of the store where I pulled out the cigarettes and lit one up. Was this my life? Thirty-six and hiding around the side of a convenience store so I could sin without feeling judged? My eyes lowered to the asphalt while I sucked in hard. It was, this was it. I took out the bottle, heading more toward the back as I unscrewed the lid and took a swig. The burn had me cringing, but I took another, returning the liquor to my pocket. A part of me hated the fact that I was hiding. I didn’t feel as though I should, but the act of caring seemed to come natural. Act. Yes, that’s all I knew how to do.

“I’m telling you,” someone said lowly, but rushed. “Twenty bricks…gone. Boss is going to blow a fucking gasket. Last month, it was eight hundred pills of ecstasy. Now this?”

I paused at the edge of the building, not seeing who was talking. Yet…I knew they were discussing cocaine. The realization had my eyes going wide as I braved leaning my head closer.

“You have to tell him right now. Don’t fuck around and wait this out, Jonas. You know what will happen if you do.”

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