Page 51 of Pity Pact

Brittany grunts before telling us, “I’ve dated men who thought they were signing up for a payday by going out with me. It’s no fun.”

“I can’t even imagine,” Cami commiserates.

“I was even engaged once,” Brittany tells us. “I overheard himtalking on the phone telling his brother that he only had to stay with me for five years before he could sue me for palimony.”

The horror of what she must have felt hits me hard. “What did you do?”

“I told him he didn’t have to wait five years.”

Cami gasps, “You paid him?”

“No. But I told him I wouldn’t burn his things so long as he packed up and left that day.” It seems Brittany’s tired of talking about herself because she asks, “How about you two? Who’s the worst guy you’ve ever dated?”

“I dated a guy who cheated on me,” I tell them. “It’s rough.”

We both look at Cami to spill her secrets, so she admits, “I dated Alden Hanz for a year.”

This news causes both Brittany and me to sit upright. Alden Hanz is the lead singer for Jam Pudding. He’s been one ofPeoplemagazine’s most beautiful people for probably ten years. “What happened?” I want to know.

“The Pumpernickel tour happened,” she says. “It seems that it’s understood in the rock community faithfulness is only expected when you’re not on tour. When you’re out on the road, you’re apparently allowed to behave like a total man whore.”

“I’m so sorry,” Brittany tells her. “How did you find out?”

“Alden called and asked me to overnight a prescription to him. I asked what was wrong, and he told me it was nothing to worry about. He had a refillable script for whenever he needed it.”

Brittany and I are both on the edge of our seats to hear more. After a beat, she adds, “The paperwork I got from the pharmacist said that it was for gonorrhea. Can you believe it? The guy got so many STDs he had a standing refill for antibiotics.”

“Ew,” I say before I can stop myself.

“I’d gotten pretty close with Leith Garritson’s wife—you know, the drummer?” We both nod our heads, so she continues, “I told her what happened, and her response was that at least he wouldn’t be bringing it home to me.”

Brittany adds her two cents. “Gross.”

“Alden was the reason I left L.A. He kept calling and wanting to get back together, but there’s no way. He wasn’t willing to be faithful, and I wasn’t willing to put up with his raunchy lifestyle.”

“So you thought you’d give theMidwestern Matchmakera try, huh?” I ask.

“It can’t be any worse than what I’ve already been through,” she answers.

My takeaway from watching the show has been that the singles are young, fun, and looking for love. But I’m afraid the truth is a different story. In reality we’re just a bunch of damaged people hoping to find someone whose wound somehow fits with our own.

How depressing.

CHAPTER TWENTY

TIM

“So, how was your first mixer?” my mom asks over the breakfast table.

“Good.” I plan to keep answering her in one-word sentences until she realizes I don’t want to discuss the show with her.

“I’m surprised you agreed to go on a dating show,” my dad says. “But I’m happy you did. Think of the publicity for the club!” Leave it to my dad to be all about the business.

“Who cares about the club, Greg? Tim is going to meet the love of his life and I’m going to get grandbabies.” My mom claps her hands loud enough to make me jump in my chair.

Scooping more eggs onto my plate, I tell her, “I’m not going to fall in love.”So much for one-word sentences.

“Then why are you doing the show, dear?”

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