Page 21 of Pity Pact

I have never enjoyed being at gatherings without knowing anyone else there. Luckily, that’s only happened a couple of times, but both were a total disaster. Prime example, a groomsman at my college roommate’s wedding videoed me at the buffet table. He posted two whole minutes of me shoveling shrimp cocktail into my mouth like I was a starving castaway. If that wasn’t bad enough, he tagged me on the post so everyone who followed me on social media could enjoy it as well.

I pick up my phone to pass the time playing Scrabble against the droid while eating my makeshift lunch of processed cheese spread and crackers. Once I type in my passcode, I see someone has left a voicemail for me. As no one under fifty calls people anymore, I’m guessing it’s one of my parents.

After hitting the voicemail app, I’m surprised to discover the message is from Tim. I listen to what I’m guessing is his code forthe end of the world before calling back. “Hey, Gramps, no one uses voicemail anymore.”

He laughs. “I know, right? But I have something to tell you and I wanted to hear your reaction.”

“You’ve decided to move to New York to be an underwear model.” Not that I’ve been looking, but if I had to guess, I’d say Tim would be great at it. As in, no need for a BBL for him.Okay, fine. I looked, but only once. Twice max.

“Been there, done that. I’ll give you two more tries.”

“And if I guess correctly?”

“Then I’ll buy you lunch.”

I look down at my meager vending machine offering and wish it could be lunch today. “You’ve got a deal.” I hypothesize, “You’ve decided to become a dance instructor, and you’re going to specialize in the Lambada.”

“Wow, no. I’ll give you a hint. It’s nothing you’d ever guess I’d do. And by ever, I mean never.”

I take a sip of my soda before telling him, “I’m pretty sure I never thought you’d take up the whole Lambada thing.”

“Okay, fine. But this is something I’vetoldyou I would never do.”

Being that Tim’s and my interactions have been limited to the first grade when he told our whole class that I was a poo poo pants, to lunch on his first date with Missy—yes, I crashed it— and finally to our dinner last week, it doesn’t take me long to make my third guess. “You’re going onMidwestern Matchmaker?”

“How did you know?” he demands.

“You mean I’m right?” My first reaction is relief that I’ll know someone else on the show. But then it hits me like Thor’s hammer that I find Tim attractive.Is it possible that something might happen between us?

“One of the men who signed up to be on the show broke both of his legs. Trina said they had no other options and that I would be saving the season. While I don’t really believe her, I figured I work here anyway, so why not help?”

I make a loud foghorn sound into the phone before accusing, “Liar. You told me you would never go on a reality show. You also made it clear that you aren’t looking for love.”Take that, Mr. “Saving the Season.”

“It’s true that I’m not interested in finding love, but I may have forgotten to mention that my ex-wife lovesMidwestern Matchmaker.”

I shift forward in my folding chair and almost topple the whole thing over while responding, “Oh. My. God. You’re trying to make Eva jealous!”

“I’m not sure I’d say that. It’s more like I want her to see how well I’m doing.”

“That would be trying to make her jealous,” I explain.

“Okay, fine. I’m trying to make her jealous. But I don’t want her back. I just want her to see what she’s missing out on.”

“Tim …” I’m not sure if I should finish my thought.

“What?”

I decide a good friend would hit him with a dose of tough love. “She was married to you for almost two years. Sheknowswhat she’s missing.”

“Ouch.” He sounds deflated as he adds, “That’s cold.”

“I wasn’t trying to be mean. I was simply suggesting that sometimes the best revenge is moving on and having a happy life. By going on the show, you’re keeping your angst alive. I’m not sure that’s the healthiest thing to do.”

“I used to make her laugh, Paige. We traveled together. We dreamed together. We had a life plan.” In a quieter voice, he adds, “She only knew Holden Jenkins for a week before she left me for him.”

“She’s not worth trying to get even with, Tim. You need to focus on making a new life for yourself. It’s the only way to move on.”

“Says the woman who left dog poop on some guy’s car,” he mutters.

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