Page 2 of Marek

My parents are rich, well known, and live an upper-class life. They were never going to let me be anything less than extraordinary. They pushed me, even when I didn’t want to be pushed. They drove me to rebel when I turned fourteen, andI very nearly gave it all up, but I pushed on, mostly because somewhere deep within me, dancing is part of who I am.

It's the disappointment I will bring if I don’t go to the elite school they want that will crush my spirit.

I know, somewhere within the depths of my soul, that if I wasn’t a dancer, they wouldn’t be proud of me at all.

I’m not like my brother, a natural born talent, a football superstar. He can do no wrong in their eyes.

He moved away years ago to college and all they do is tell me how incredible he is. I don’t really speak to him, because even he thinks he’s better than me.

Nobody in this family ever just lets me be me.

It’s exhausting.

“Ellie!”

Spinning toward my coach, Roger, I scowl as I lose my balance. Letting out a frustrated sigh, I flop down to the ground, my small legs stretching out in front of me, sweat trickling down my brow. Roger exhales, walking over and staring down at me with that fatherly concern in his eyes. He’s good to me, and if it wasn’t for him, I probably wouldn’t be where I am today, but he’s so old school, and I am having a hard time breaking him.

“Why can’t you just let me add some of my own things in, Rog?” I ask, tilting my head back to look up at him.

“Because those schools don’t like rebellion, Ellie, they like people who are willing to do exactly what they teach and do it well. You have that skill, you’re better than any other dancer I’ve ever taught, but you’re stubborn. You need to let go of your childish fantasies of getting on the stage and blowing everyone away with your unique moves. That isn’t how this works.”

Well, talk about a lecture.

“I don’t understand how adding passion and spirit into my routine is rebellion,” I mutter.

“It’s rebellion because it goes against everything they’ve ever learned. Dance is an art, it isn’t a joke.”

As if I don’t know that.

Dropping my head into my hands, I let out a frustrated sigh. “I am trying, I really am, but it just feels so wrong to me.”

“If you let yourself go, it won’t. You’re holding back.”

He’s right, I am.

Not entirely because of the fact that I can’t put my own twist on things, but because my fiancé is sending me over the edge. It’s not that he’s doing anything wrong, exactly, it’s that I feel like I’m in a room, spinning in circles, and nobody can catch me. Like I’m hollow, yet there is so much chaos, I can’t seem to find a safe place to sit. I know it isn’t right to feel that way, but it can’t be helped.

Carter is a good man—the wealthy, blue collar type—but he has no fire. Petty, I know, but his world is so black and white: he goes to work, he makes money, he comes home and provides for his future wife. He wants kids, a big home, and a family vacation once a year. That’s admirable, it really is, but outside of that, he is lacking the very thing that I crave—something that sets my heart on fire. A passion, a white-hot desire that has my fingers curling into the sheets each night.

Indeed, Carter is a good man, but I wonder if he’smyman.

My parents would never hear me say anything less. They think he hung the moon. It helps that he’s a multi-millionaire. His family is rich, he’s rich, and he boosts my parents’ already soaring stature in the world. He is good for the image. He’s good for everything we could have ever imagined for my future, but there is something missing. I know it, yet I find it hard to come up with a valid reason to push him from my life.

He's good to me.

He’s secure.

He’s kind.

On paper, he’s everything that a future husband should be.

So why do I find myself so damned empty?

“Ellie!”

Snapping out of my thoughts, I focus back on Roger. “I’m sorry. I guess I’m just not feeling that good today. Can we pick up tomorrow?”

He studies me, his mouth pushed into a tight line as his eyes rake over my face. “Fine, but we are doing the show in a few nights, are you going to be ready for that at least?”

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