Page 41 of A Risk Worth Taking

“Stop, please!” I choke out, the memories hitting me so deep, they’ve taken my breath away. Blackness prickles at my vision. White noise clogs my hearing. And then like a light switch, everything turns off. And I feel like I can finally breathe again.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

ELLIE

“There she is,”Lincoln says when I open my eyes and take in my surroundings, trying to remember what the hell happened. He’s sitting against the headboard of my bed, and I’m cradled across his lap. I glance down and see that I’m dressed, and then it all comes back to me. Embarrassed by what transpired, I try to scramble off Lincoln, but he’s not having it.

“Stop,” he says gently, holding me tighter against him and palming the side of my face. “Talk to me. What happened?”

I hesitate to answer him, in fear of the flashbacks hitting me again, but when he pinches my chin and tips my face up to look at him, my body instantly relaxes. This is Lincoln. I can trust him. It was stupid to expect that because I haven’t freaked out on him yet that it would never happen.

I keep my eyes on Lincoln as I speak, needing to remind myself that I’m here with him and safe. “When I was raped, they did it...in every hole. But the worst was when they did it from behind, inthathole.”

Lincoln’s eyes darken in understanding. “Not now, but at some point, I need you to tell me what happened.”

“No.” I shake my head. “I can’t do that. Please...”

“It’s the only way I can assure what happened today doesn’t happen again,” he explains, and while what he says makes sense, the thought of verbalizing what they did makes me feel sick to my stomach. It doesn’t matter that it’s been years since it happened. Every time I think about it, it’s as if it just happened.

“Everything we’ve done has been amazing,” I whisper. “I just wasn’t expecting that. But I’ll be okay next time.”

“Kitten...” Lincoln lays me on the bed and wraps himself around me like the most comforting blanket, trapping my legs in his. He slides one arm under my head and the other glides across my waist, resting on my hip. “You said you wanted to be with me because you trust me, right?”

I nod. “I trust you more than anyone else.”

“Then I need you to trust me with what happened. It’s the reason members of the club are required to fill out a form with their limits. Something you should’ve done. Luckily, nothing I did that night triggered you, but it could’ve. I never should’ve touched you without scanning you into the system, so I’d know your limits.”

“If you would’ve done that, we never would’ve been together,” I mutter.

“Probably,” he admits, “but being the owner of Elite means I’m held to a higher standard, and what I did that night was irresponsible, and something could’ve gone seriously wrong.”

“Why didn’t you scan me in?” I ask curiously.

“I was too wrapped up in you. It’s no secret I’ve been with my fair share of women...” When I pout at his admission, Lincoln chuckles. “Not as many as you’re thinking.”

“How many?”

“I don’t keep track, and whatever number I give you won’t make a difference. But the point I was trying to make is that even though I’ve been with other women, something about you feltdifferent. From the moment I saw you at the bar, the chemistry between us was off the charts, and I was so shocked by my reaction to you, all my common sense got shoved out the door.”

I can’t help the smile that spreads across my face at the fact Lincoln just admitted that the connection he felt was betweenusand not some mystery woman. That night meant so much to me, and it warms my heart that it meant something to him as well.

“I’m glad it did,” I tell him honestly. “I know that might be wrong of me to say, but you have no idea how many times I tried to be intimate with guys. I was afraid it would never happen.”

“Which is why, as your partner, I need to know what happened. Not just for you but also for me, so I’m not caught up in my head worrying about what might trigger you.”

“I don’t want you to see me as that person,” I say, closing my eyes. “I like the way you look at me. And I’m afraid if you know what they did...What they made me do, the way you look at me will change.”

“Let me make something very clear,” Lincoln says, palming the side of my face. I open my eyes and our gazes lock. “There’s nothing those pieces of shits could’ve done to you that would make me want you any less. When I look at you, all I see is the beautiful, sexy woman who did what no other woman has ever done—made me want more.” He presses his lips to mine and then breaks our connection far too quickly. “One day, you’re going to tell me all that happened, and nothing you say will change a damn thing about how I see you, but for now, just tell me this: what is it you want?”

“You,” I say without hesitation.

A small smile quirks in the corners of his lips. “And what do you want from me?”

“Everything,” I tell him just before I wrap my arms around his neck and pull his face toward mine, kissing him with everything in me.

Our lips caress each other for several seconds before I pull back slightly. “I don’t want them to win,” I murmur against his mouth. “I don’t want what they did to define me. I want to be with you in every way possible, for each memory we create to replace the one they burned into me.”

Lincoln nods in understanding, and then his mouth is back on mine, kissing me with the type of passion that sends electrical currents through my body and to the apex of my legs. I break our connection to pull his shirt over his head, and he does the same to me, removing my shorts and panties as well.

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