Page 78 of Crown of Steel

“We’re all going home,” Arthur continues, as if he just heard my thoughts. He presses a kiss on my nape, then squeezes his hold around my waist tighter, letting out a satisfied sigh as hedoes so. “But Régis? We’ll come back to Saint-Laurent for a short break in a few days. Just like we did last year.”

“You mean when I caught that escort with his mouth on your dick?” I can’t help but sneer. He chuckles lightly at that, the sound ticking my ear.

“Exactly. When we ended up in the forest with Julien.”

“The guy in that cloak.” The memory makes me shiver. “The first one I met and the lover of Dominique’s older brother.”

“Yeah.” His voice is barely a whisper. He waits a beat, then, “But this year, you’ll be coming for your pledge.”

I don’t speak, the earlier feeling of satisfaction slowly replaced by that usual sentiment of self-protection.

“You either pledge to the brotherhood or you leave college. You know this, right?”

I know this, but… “I wish things were different,” I whisper. He doesn’t speak for a moment.

“I know, I do too,” he finally breathes.

Much later, when classes have finished for the day and everyone’s about to head home for their break, I catch Maxime and Dominique chatting downstairs. Maxime’s already in his woolen parka, his arm wrapped around his friend’s shoulder as he barks out a laugh. When he sees me with my suitcase climbing down the stairs, he lets go of Dominique.

“I’m so jealous of you, you know that, right?”

Glancing between him and Dominique, I raise a brow. “Uhm…no?”

Maxime laughs. “Because you guys get to spend two weeks together! Not me, I have to fly up to Paris to spend time with my boring parents. Ugh.” He leans in and squeezes both arms around me. “Life’s not fair. Anyway, have a great one. Luckilymy grandma will be there too, and I can’t wait to try some of those chess moves you taught me on her. See if she still wins.” With a last shake of his hand, he heads off and follows two bodyguards who are carrying his luggage outside the castle and toward the parking lot.

“So…” Dominique turns my way, his dark hair styled in his usual messy look. “Are you looking forward to Christmas?”

“Is he right? Will you be joining Gaël?”

He smiles, then nods. “Yeah. Though my parents have agreed to join us for Christmas day. We will be going on a holiday then, just the three of us. When you come back here…” his voice falters. “I can’t be here then.”

My chest pangs as his true meaning clicks. Three years ago, almost to the day, Dominique's brother drowned. It happened the same night the Alpha Fraternarri rewrote history, as they like to call it. This is the brotherhood I am supposed to pledge my allegiance to. Here. On school territory. Because he wanted to reach his secret lover.

I dip my chin in understanding. We linger for a moment in ones of those comfortable silences I’ve come to recognize and appreciate, a peaceful stillness that allows both of us to gather our own lost thoughts.

I can’t even imagine what it would be like to lose someone I love as much as Dominique loved his brother. I…don’t think I’ve ever felt that way before about anyone. I mean, I still speak to Dad every two days, but these days, he can only snarl at me. According to the prison doctor, he has gone into a depression and apparently my phone calls are the light in his days. I usually make them from my den in the stables, somehow feeling a little less guilty of the fact that I still can’t visit him because of that restraining order.

Recently, the den has felt too small, cool iron cramping my limbs. Despite the books I keep in there, the place doesn’t comfort me as much as the one at home did. It’s too cold, toolonely out there, and I am increasingly apprehensive of cloaked figures huddling around. Maybe the promise of warm, firm hands wrapped around my body is too sweet.

I sigh inwardly. Maybe I’m getting too soft.

Arthur is right. I’m nothing more than a stubborn cat, clawing and hissing, but unable to stop him from circling me, backing me up, cornering me.

It scares the living shit out of me. His hold on me, the way he seems to make my defenses melt. No matter how much I fight him, no matter how much I snarl at him, he just laughs it away, only to come back with full force, rolling over my borders like he owns a goddamn army.

But I won’t be defeated. I can’t. If he sees what a pathetic sliver of a man really is hidden behind the veil that is mine, he will retreat.

All the people I love go away. And I will be alone again.

I need my iron.

Punishment stabilizes my troubled mind, keeps me in check. Orders are easy to follow.

I’ll be good.

But secretly, I love this newer version of Arthur. Ever since he somehow claimed his space in my bed, he’s started talking to me. He’s been sharing some of his concerns, asking my opinion on mostly business matters. When we lie in bed at night, and he holds me tight, it’s like the animosity between us is temporarily set to non-active. It’s like my bleeding heart is not leaking for once.

Arthur pries his way inside my head. Makes me question things I never thought would be heard in the wide world. Me. My voice. He wants to hear its contents, wants to hear my thoughts.

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