Page 50 of Otto: The Hawthornes

My smile felt more like a grimace.

“So, you and my son, huh?” she said, her mouth twitching. “I wouldn’t have guessed it.”

I swallowed hard and looked down at my faded dress flaring out from underneath my coat. It had actually started out as a church dress and was a really pretty aquamarine color, but I’d worn it so often working outside that it barely resembled the dress I’d been so excited about the year before. I smoothed it down anyway.

“He doesn’t exactly seem your type,” she clarified, surprising me.

“I think he’s probably everyone’s type,” I replied ruefully, making her laugh. My cheeks burned.

“Something about those Hawthorne men, am I right?” she asked, grinning at me. “Even the grumpy ones could charm the pants off a choir girl.”

“Well, they want us to stay put for a bit,” Otto’s grandma announced, coming through the door. “Until they figure out what’s what.”

She turned to me and smiled and I was startled by the resemblance to her grandson. She was clearly Tommy’s mom even though Heather had called her Ma. Same smile.

“Hello, honey,” she said, walking toward me. “I’m Callie. You can just call me Gram, if you’d like. Everyone does.”

“Hi, I’m Esther,” I replied, getting to my feet. Greeting her from the bed seemed disrespectful somehow.

“Beautiful name,” she murmured, her eyes crinkling at the corners as she reached for my hands. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“You, too.”

“Don’t you worry, they’ll get everything straightened out.” She squeezed my hands. “How far along are you?”

“Seventeen weeks,” I replied, remembering what the doctor had said. Was it only yesterday that I’d been there? So many things had happened in the last twenty-four hours that it seemed like weeks ago.

“Lots of time to get things ready, then,” she said encouragingly. She let go of my hands and sat down on the bed, patting the place beside her. “Do you know what you’re having?”

I shook my head as I lowered myself back down.

It felt like I was in the twilight zone. We’d watched a couple episodes in my creative writing class in school and I’d always thought the storylines were really farfetched, but I was beginning to rethink my position. I’d found a cache of weapons under my floorboards, been invaded by a motorcycle club, taken from my home and interrogated, told that my dad had planned to blow me up if I called him for help, and now a sweet old lady was asking me excitedly about the baby my family had sent me away to hide.

“No,” I replied, shaking my head. “At my doctor’s appointment they only listened to the heartbeat.”

“Appointment?” Heather said slowly. “Just one?”

“Just one,” I confirmed, shame burning quietly in my gut. “I’ve been living kind of far away from everything.”

“I try not to bethatmother-in-law,” Heather said, pausing like she was trying to find the right words to say. She looked at Callie and then back to me. “I have a good one, so I’ve tried to follow her lead and not overstep. I’m not always successful, but Itry.”

I nodded, unsure where she was leading the conversation.

“I have to ask, honey,” she said kindly. “Do you think we need to make you an appointment just to make sure everything’s okay?”

My knee-jerk reaction was to say no. Heck no. The thought of having another doctor poking and prodding at me, the invasion of it, made my stomach roll with nausea. But directly after that was a sense of intense relief. I needed to know that everything was okay. I needed someone to tell me if I was doing anything wrong. I wanted to know that the little person was safe in there. That I hadn’t hurt it by chopping wood or eating freeze-dried meals constantly or holding my poop in until I couldn’t stand it anymore and used the outhouse at the cabin.

I hadn’t been able to ask any questions when I’d gone the day before. I hadn’t even felt able to speak.

“Yes, please,” I whispered after a moment.

The look of understanding and kindness and pure maternal worry made my breath freeze in my throat, and then unexpectedly I was crying, big racking sobs shaking my entire body. Otto’s grandma wrapped her arms tightly around me.

“It’s going to be okay, sweetheart,” she murmured into my hair. “You’re safe. We’ll get this all figured out. Everything is going to be just fine.”

“I’m not sure who, yet,” I vaguely heard Otto’s mom mutter angrily. “But I’m going to kill someone.”

“Get in line,” Otto’s voice responded from the doorway.

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