Page 108 of Otto: The Hawthornes

“They were thoughtful,” she argued, waving me off. “But I think what sealed it—” Her voice grew hoarse, and she swallowed hard. “I think I really started when you snapped at me last night after the grocery store and apologized for it as soon as we got home.”

“I was a dick.”

“You apologized,” she said softly, emphasizing the words. “You knew almost immediately that you’d been unkind and said you were sorry.”

“Hell, I’m unkind a lot.”

“Are you really arguing with me about whether I love you or not?”

“I was ordered to marry you,” I blurted, uncomfortable with the way she was looking at me.

“What?”

“Straight from the top,” I confirmed. “I was ordered to marry you.”

“Oh,” she breathed, looking away from me. “Do you regret it?”

“No,” I choked out. Why the fuck had I told her that? I was such a fucking idiot.

“I just have one more question. No, two.”

“Go ahead.” My heart beat in my ears. What the fuck had I just done?

“Do you always follow orders, no matter what?”

“Yes.” The word was practically torn from my throat.

Esther nodded before looking at me again. “If they’d told you to kill me, would you?”

“No!” I stared at her in horror.

“So, maybe you wouldn’talwaysfollow orders,” she said softly, her eyes on mine.

“I’d never hurt you,” I continued as she got to her feet. “I’d kill anyone that tried. Period.”

“I know,” she said with a sigh, sliding her arms around my waist.

“I probably wouldn’t have married you right away, though,” I confessed, wrapping my arms around her. “But eventually—”

“And I probably would’ve told you about the baby…eventually,” she countered in a whisper. “Or maybe my parents would’ve found me a husband and you would’ve never known.”

The truth of that statement hit me straight in the solar plexus. Neither of us had been in control of the situation, no matter how much we would’ve preferred it otherwise.

We were quiet for a while, and I assumed that, just like me, she was thinking about all the different things that had happened, leading us to that point. Decisions made by other people, circumstances beyond our control, but also the decisionswe’dmade.

“Some day,” I said, pressing my lips against the top of her head. “You’ll have to tell me why the hell you decided to hook up with me at that party.”

“When I figure it out, I’ll let you know,” she replied ruefully.

“Thank God you did.” I smiled.

“God, huh?”

“Shh,” I said, pressing her face back against my chest. “Just enjoy the moment.”

“You really scared me last night,” she replied, tipping her head back. “Do you get migraines a lot?”

“Not a lot.”

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