Page 108 of Ruthless Saint

There’s a weight in my chest that’s been there for years, and if I carry it any longer, I won’t survive. I don’t want to hurt you, but the truth is this loveless marriage is unbearable and suffocating. What began with so much hope and love, has faded away to pain and mistrust. I tried to stop it from happening, but the tighter I held on, the faster our love slipped through my fingers.

It’s been so long since we’ve truly talked. I used to tell you everything, but now it feels like we’re strangers passing in the night. Our conversations are shallow and guarded, and I can’t remember the last time we shared a genuine laugh or moment of intimacy.

I know I’m partly to blame for this distance between us. I let my hurt and resentment consume me, and it poisoned our relationship. But even when I tried to reach out and connect with you, it felt like you were always pulling away. I know there were expectations for our marriage, but did they have to take precedence over our own happiness? We’ve sacrificed so much for the Family’s sake, but at what cost?

You were my world once, my everything. I wanted so badly for this to be my happy ever after, to be the woman at the centre of your world, like you were the man I revolved around. That’s why it cut so deep when you turned away, blaming me for not being able to bear your children. Every harsh word and accusation wounded me, as I, too, yearned for a child—someone to love unconditionally and who would love me back just as fiercely. I felt if I could give you this, it would bind us, overcome our rift and rekindle the bond we started out with.

But it’s a yearning that you could never understand, couldn’t see past our obligations to our families. So I tried to fill the void with other things—work, hobbies, friends—but nothing could replace the emptiness in my heart.

I know you didn’t mean to push me away or hurt me intentionally. But your indifference felt like a constant rejection that chipped away at my self-worth until there was almost nothing left.

When I tried to talk to you about our failing marriage or my desire for a child, you shut down or changed the subject. It was like talking to a brick wall—frustrating and disheartening.

And so the silence between us grew deafening until it drowned out any shred of hope that things could ever get better between us.

In a moment of weakness, when I was starving for the affection you withheld, I met Nico. In one night, he made me feel alive again, the weight lifted and I could breathe and hope for something more.

At first, I didn’t think much of him—he was handsome and charming, but so were many other men in your line of business. As the night went on and we talked, I found myself drawn to him in a way I hadn’t felt in years.

He was a breath of fresh air. He listened to me—really listened—and made me feel seen and heard.

One night. That’s all it took for the cracks in our marriage to deepen, for me to see that the flame that once burned between us had flickered out. I’m not trying to justify my actions. I’m simply trying to explain how things came to be.

When I discovered I was carrying a child, a part of me hoped it would bring us back together. Maybe this new life would rekindle the love we once had and help you see past the ruthless world of the Family. But as my pregnancy progressed and you became more consumed by your ambitions, I realised that our marriage was beyond repair. I held on for two and a half years, burying my longing for affection and pretending everything was fine. But when Nico resurfaced, all my suppressed emotions came crashing down, and I couldn’t deny the emptiness in my heart any longer.

Nico has always been perceptive. He saw right through my facade and knew I was unhappy in our marriage despite my insistence to the contrary. In his eyes, I could see the same longing and loneliness I felt every day with you.

He knew the truth the moment he laid eyes on Alessa—she was his, not yours. He didn’t react with anger or jealousy like I expected him to. Instead, he looked at me with such tenderness and understanding I was caught off guard. And while part of me wanted to deny it and keep up the charade, I couldn’t ignore the overwhelming feeling of relief that washed over me when I finally let myself admit it.

Please understand I’m not writing this out of cruelty or malice. I’m doing it because we can’t keep living this lie. The ache of what we have lost has gnawed at my soul for far too long, and I need to unburden myself.

You may never forgive me for what happened between Nico and me, but I hope someday you can find it in your heart to understand.

I’m sorry for how things turned out, for all the pain andconfusion this will bring. I want you to know that even after everything, there’s a part of me that still cares for you. It pains me how things slipped through our fingers, how we let all the dreams we shared die.

Maybe this will be the beginning of a new chapter for both of us, where we can each find peace at last. I did not make this decision lightly, but I believe this is what is best for all of us. You, Alessa, Nico, and I. I don’t want Alessa to grow up in our world. A world filled with hatred and power-hungry men. I want her to be able to live freely, laugh, love whom she wants to, and not have the threat of the Mafia over her head.

You might not believe it, but Nico never wanted to be a part of this world either. All he ever wanted was a loving family. Exactly what Alessa and I were looking for, too.

I don’t know how else to say it, so here it is—we are running away. As far away from Blackwood as possible. Please don’t look for us, it will only bring hurt and confusion, but will not change my mind.

If you find us and drag us back, I will fight you every step of the way for the future my daughter deserves, one not filled with treachery, lovelessness, and isolation. Let her be free, Alessandro, I won’t hide from her how it began, her roots or what awaits her should she choose to step back into this life. But let it be exactly that, a choice.

Find peace and perhaps a woman to soften your heart and fill your dark world with light and hope. I am no longer that person, and we both deserve happiness that cannot be found in each other. Alessa deserves a childhood of warmth and love, something that would never be found growing up between two people who, on their best days, exude detachment and coldness, and on the worst hatred and anger.

I am doing what any good mother would—I am fighting for the best possible future for my daughter.

So, please, do the right thing, forget we exist, and live your life. Choose your happiness, and if you can’t—choose happiness for Alessa—an innocent soul who is untainted by the treachery riff in your world.

Yours,

Rosa

51

DANTE

For a second, I’m taken right back to the worst moment of my life. For a second my heart stops, because when I look up to check on Alessa, she’s on the floor, slouched over. All too quickly, my mind races back to when I found her in her childhood home.

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