Page 56 of On the Mountain

There was a soft crackling noise in the distance. I looked up to see two deer. “Shh,” I told her. I pointed, and she turned to them, offering them one of her kind smiles, the ones that made me feel like I was the most important person in her world, though I shouldn’t be. Those spots were reserved for Chosen and God.

“You have a sixth sense when it comes to animals. I didn’t even hear them.”

She was right. It was one of the things I was most proud of. It made me feel more connected to this world, to the mountain. They didn’t ask of me any of the things Chosen or anyone else did.

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to force those thoughts from my head. They were wrong. When I got back to the compound, I should be punished.

“Crow?” Mom said my name so softly, filled with so much emotion, that I didn’t understand. I opened my eyes and looked at her, pleaded with her silently not to say something that would make Chosen upset with her. “I love you, Crow. I know I don’t say that enough. I know we’re not supposed to, but I love you more than anything in this world, and everything I’m doing is for you. One day you’ll see, one day you’ll understand, and—”

“Understand what? And no. That’s wrong. You’re not supposed to love me more than anything. It’s wrong!”

I love you too. So much.

Tears filled her eyes. “My sweet boy. I’m doing everything in my power to fix what I allowed to get broken. I will fix it for you.”

“Stop.” I shook my head, put my hands over my ears. I didn’t know what she was talking about, but I knew it was wrong, knew it was bad, that Chosen wouldn’t like it. “Let’s just…let’s just go back.”

She hesitated for a moment, then gave me a brokenhearted smile.

We didn’t talk on the way back to the compound. When we arrived, Chosen was there waiting for us. My heart stopped.

“What were you doing? Where did you take my son?”

“We just went for a walk. It’s a lovely day, and—”

“And you should know better,” Chosen cut Mom off. “You didn’t ask. There is work to do.” He turned to me. “Crow, you are late for Worship.”

But I didn’t have prayer yet. It wasn’t time. I opened my mouth to say that, but Mom gave me a quick shake of her head. My mouth clamped closed again.

To Mom, he said, “You’ll be punished for him. He can’t seem to find Clarity through his own lessons. Maybe he’ll find them through yours.”

“No! Don’t!” I didn’t want her to hurt for me. It was my fault. I’d known I shouldn’t have gone.

“Now she gets extra time for your outburst.”

My gaze snapped to hers, and she shook her head again.

And I listened. For the rest of my life, I would hate myself for listening.

“Go.” Chosen told her, and she went. I watched until she disappeared from view. “What did she tell you?”

“Nothing,” I lied, knowing it was wrong, knowing that we should never lie to Chosen.

“Do you know why I named you Crow?” he asked, making me frown.

“No, Chosen.”

“They are often seen as a bad omen. They’re associated with death. But they’re also intelligent animals, watchful, thoughtful, and are supposed to have incredible insight. Which path you take is up to you. Will you be the downfall of us all? Will you follow the ways of the Lord, become Enlightened and fulfill your destiny, or will you cause death and destruction? That’s where free will comes in, and I worry about your choices, Crow.”

Without another word, Chosen walked away. As much as I wanted to cry, I didn’t allow myself to. I would do the right thing. I would fulfill my destiny. I would walk at Chosen’s side, Enlightened.

I jerked awake, chest tight, heart stampeding, my mind flashing with images I didn’t want to see.

Mom bloody.

Chosen hurting her.

Chosen killing.

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