Page 64 of Our Forever Starts Tonight

So it was time for me to take care of her. We stopped by a convenience store on the way home, loaded up on ice cream, chips, and just about any other junk food we could find, then we went back to my house and buried ourselves beneath mountains of covers. I gave Arden some cozy pajamas to sleep in and let her borrow my bed and Hazelnut for the night, while I cozied up in a recliner I had in the corner of my room.

“Okay, out with it,” I said. “Tell me about Hannah.” Arden took a big scoop of her ice cream and put it all in her mouth all at once, then looked at me as if she couldn’t speak. I shook my head. “That’s fine. I’ll wait.”

Arden sighed, but worked her way through the rest of her bite and then frowned at me. “I don’t really like talking about it.”

“Well if you don’t want to, that’s fine, but you’ve been there for me for all this Tristan stuff and I want to be there for you too. Even before I give you the update.”

She tilted her head. “There’s an update.”

“Yep, but I don’t want to bother you with anymore Tristan stuff until you’re feeling better. I saw the look on your face when you saw Hannah with Lucky. Do you wanna talk about it?” I said. “If I’ve learned anything from our friendship, it’s that people like us who allow our friends to rely on us, tend not to rely on others. It wasn’t until I met you that I allowed someone to bear some of my weight, and let me tell you, it makes a world of difference. Use me that way too. Let me bear some of your weight. I promise, you’ll feel better.”

“But, ugh, feelings,” Arden whined.

“I know. They’re awful. Do it anyway,” I said.

“Fine.” Arden set her bowl off to the side. “Well, I guess you could say she was myawakening.”

“She’s how you knew you were gay?” I asked.

Arden nodded. “Yeah. I mean when I was younger, I didn’t really get it. You know, I was always just really excited she was coming over to hang out, and I figured when we were playing family and she was the mom and I was the dad that it was normal because we were the only two there and we each had to play a role. Then at one point in middle school, I mentioned that I would like it if I could marry her one day, and they told me that I had to marry a man. I didn’t understand that and it seriously fucked me up.”

“Well yeah,” I said. “How could it not.”

“But you know, I thought maybe I’d just gotten it wrong. So then when all my friends were developing crushes, I tried to force it a few times, but it didn’t matter what I did. The one I liked and wanted to be with was Hannah. That never changed. I thought I was messed up in the head or something. My grades started slipping, I started using drugs, it was bad.” Then Arden smiled. “But Hannah pulled me back. She told me she loved me, in a friendly way, and that she didn’t want to see me hurt myself. All our freshman year she was like this annoying gnat. Are you eating? Did you bathe? Did you go outside today? You didn’t do any drugs did you? Let’s go shopping. Let’s go to the park.” She laughed. “She wouldn’t leave me the hell alone for more than a few minutes.”

“And you fell in love?”

“Hard,” Arden said. “And fast. I came to terms with my sexuality after that. I learned about what it meant to be a woman who liked other women, but really even that didn’t matter to me. It wasn’t like I wanted justanywoman, I wanted Hannah.”

“Then you guys fell apart sophomore year?” I asked.

Arden nodded. “She grew boobs, which, by the way, was another confirmation that I was, in fact, gay.”

I laughed. “Well, sure, that’ll do it.”

“She got her dorky braces removed, which I actually thought were really cute. She used to keep her hair cut in a bob, but she let it grow out and fall all over her shoulders and started wearing clothes that showed more of her skin. It was like a scene out of a movie when we walked into school the first day of 10th grade. Everyone stopped and stared. To me, she’d always been beautiful and was even more so with confidence. It was just like they were all seeing what I’d seen all that time. Then Tristan asked her out, and she wassoexcited to be one of the popular kids. She didn’t even really like him, I don’t think. Just accepted.”

“Maybe that was why their relationship didn’t last long?”

Arden shrugged. “Maybe, but I think Hannah would have forced it. It was Tristan that ended things with her. Though in hindsight, looking at you and looking at her, he probably just didn’t realize he had a type and she didn’t fill it.” She scoffed. “Hell, it may have even been Ceradi that coaxed him into doing it.”

I took a handful of chips and crushed them over what was left of my ice cream and took a huge bite, letting the salty-sweet combo melt in my mouth. “I could see that. She’s nuts.”

“That’s an understatement,” Arden said. “Well, you pretty much know the rest of the story. She cut me off, and that was it.”

“I’m sorry,” I said.

“I tried my fucking damndest to get over her, but fuck, love hangs on,” Arden said.

I nodded. “So I’m learning.”

“Okay.” She held up her hands. “I’m tapping out. Your turn.”

“Now I feel bad,” I said.

“Why?” Arden said. “If one of us is having some luck, it should be celebrated.”

“Tristan… I think he finally gets it. He said all the right things, even said that those times when he was retreating from me, it wasn’t because he was ashamed of me, it was because he was ashamed of himself.”

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