Page 56 of Our Forever Starts Tonight

“Hey,” I said weakly. I hadn’t spoken to him all week, avoiding him while I tried to figure out the best way to tell him that I didn’t reciprocate his feelings. Once again, I was realizing that Arden was right. At least if we had made small talk throughout the week, it would feel slightly less monumental, but having the first thing I’d said to him in seven days be a rejection, it felt a little harsh. “Um… can we sit? I wanna talk to you.”

That seemed to give Lucky hope, even though that wasn’t my intention. “Yeah. Of course.”

“You two.” Zameera poked her head into the break room, looking as frantic as ever. “Sorry, the cold rush has started already. I know neither of you are supposed to be clocked in for another fifteen minutes, but can you please come out right away. Lucky, I’m hoping you can help with breakfast, and Aria, can you go help with intake. You’re a calming presence.”

“Sure!” I said, a little too eagerly.

Lucky frowned. “But…”

“We’ll talk later,” I said, quickly rushing and putting my things in my staff locker and then running off to help out. I knew Arden was right and we had to discuss things, but I was glad for the disruption. I’d get around to it eventually, but maybe the busy day would buy me a little more time.

The morning was a whirlwind of an influx of people coming in off the streets who actually needed to stay long-term. The shelter handled a lot of short term stays throughout the year, on top of a soup kitchen for anyone who just needed to eat, but once the cold started to set in around mid-November, more and more people showed up hoping to stay for the entire winter. Anyone staying at the shelter for more than a week at a time had to be reported to the state, which made the intake process a little more intense.

Dedicating my mind to the task of aiding the social workers in getting everyone’s paperwork filled out actually made me feel the best I’d felt in weeks. When I was just doing the work I loved and didn’t have to think about feelings my best friend suddenly has for me, or the guy I have feelings for being ashamed of who I was, I felt much more like my normal self. It was needed, even more so than I realized.

“It seems like you’re feeling better,” Dani, one of the social workers, said. “I heard that you got a little nasty last weekend. I could barely believe it.”

“Yeah.” I still felt bad even though I’d apologized to those I was terrible to over and over. “I’m going through a bunch of stuff. I let my emotions get the best of me and took it out on a few people who didn’t deserve it. I hate that I tarnished my good name of being someone you all could rely onnotto do stuff like that.”

“In all honesty, Aria, it made me feel a little better about you. You wear this atmosphere of perfection, and don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing bad about striving for the best, but I was kind of becoming afraid you weren’t human. Hearing that something had gotten you in such a foul mood that you were spitting nails at people actually humanized you a bit, which is good.”

I grinned at her. “Wow. Thanks. That actually makes me feel a little better about it.”

“I just think you bear so much yourself. Don’t be afraid to rely on the people around you,” Dani said. “Zameera says you have a friend now that you can lean on a little bit.”

Arden’s bright pink hair and sly smile cracked across my brain. “Yeah, Arden. She’s awesome, and has certainly been bearing the weight of holding me up lately.”

“That’s good. You hold so many other people up all the time. Let someone hold you up for once,” she said. “I know you love Lucky, but I can tell he relies on you a lot. It probably has never bothered you, because you have a hero complex, but if someone can finally take care ofyoua little bit, you deserve it.” Then she leaned in a little bit with a sly smile on her face. “Wanna talk about what happened? Free therapy.”

I snickered. Most of our social workers had other talents. It was necessary for our line of work. “Well, it was kind of two-fold. There’s a guy that I’m kind of crazy about, and he has feelings for me too, but he’s really popular and kind of embarrassed of me. Then there’s another guy, who would scream from the rooftops that we’re together, but I don’t feel that way about him.”

“Oof, that’s a shitty feeling,” Dani said.

“The thing is, the guy who suddenly revealed his feelings for me, they sort of came out of nowhere.”

Dani raised an eyebrow. “After you mentioned the guy that you like?” I gave her a gaze and she nodded, knowingly. “So this other guy, as sweet as he may seem, was almost worse. He had feelings, but assumed you’d always be available and didn’t think to act on them until there was a risk of losing you. At least the other guy was up front about his feelings.”

That was the first time that the circumstances held Tristan as the better guy instead of Lucky. I didn’t want to think that Lucky was just sitting around assuming I would never be picked up by another guy, but hearing Dani lay it out like that, it made it seem like that was really what it was.

“That sucks feeling like our whole friendship was just a means to an end,” I said.

“Yeah. The one way to know for sure,” she started.

“Is to tell him I don’t feel that way and see how he reacts?” I replied. “That’s Arden’s advice.”

“Sounds like a smart cookie, that one,” Dani said. “She’s totally right. If this guy actually cares about you as a friend, he’ll respect that you don’t feel that way about him.”

“And the other guy?” I asked. “The one I like? Well… I think I may more than like him.”

“If he’s really embarrassed of you, then screw him, but I wouldn’t just write it totally off. I was one of the popular kids back in high school, and the pressure to perform in a certain way is immense. If this has been this whole guy’s world before you came along, he could just be feeling terrified of turning his life upside down.” I snickered at first, then let out a full laugh. “What?” Dani asked.

“Nothing. I just wish I’d talked to you sooner,” I said.

“Well, I’m always here. If you ever need more advice, I’m only an office away.” She slapped her hand on top of the stack of files we finished and smiled. “Okay. I think we’re good for a little bit if you’d like to go and take your lunch break, Aria.”

I nodded with a smile. “Okay. I can come back early if you need me. Just text me.”

“Will do, but I think I just heard them release Lucky too. You guys enjoy your lunch together. Don’t worry, there will be plenty of work waiting for you when you get back.”

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