Page 50 of Our Forever Starts Tonight

“You’ve had bad days before, I’ve seen it. You tried to come to work the day your grandmother died, and put a smile when you showed up the day after. You simply aren’t that person,” she said. “As your boss, I need to inform you that it will not be tolerated here. Everyone is working just as hard as you, and a bad day does not give you the right to speak to your coworkers like that. You will apologize to them, and if I hear it again, you’ll be written up.”

I nodded. “Yes, ma’am.”

“As a friend,” Zameera said, sitting down across from me and reaching across to rest her hand on top of mine. “I know that you wouldn’t do that unless you were extremely pressed. What’s going on?” All at once, all of the emotions I’d been holding back came clamoring over the edge and I started to sob. It immediately concerned Zameera, who stood up and walked around the table to lean over me and rub my back. “Oh, honey, what’s going on?”

“Tristan told me that he had feelings for me yesterday, but even after he promised he wouldn’t do the same things that he’d been doing, he turned right around and acted like he was ashamed of me. I forgave him and it was like no time at all before I learned why that was a mistake.” I dragged my palms across my eyes, trying to take the tears away, but each time I did it, new ones came along to replace them. “It just broke me. I pretend like I’m this confident person, but I know that I’m fat, and I know that I’m ugly, and I know that I’m a dork. Telling myself that those things are fine only gets me so far. When stuff like this happens, it just reminds me that I’m grasping at straws.”

“Aria,” Zameera sounded blown away. “You are one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever known. Inside and out. So what you’ve got some curves, there are supermodels who weigh more than you. You’re the kind of desirable that people realize they want when they get out of this petty, must be barbie-doll-perfect phase of their lives. All the men around me, they want women who are shaped like you, and it’s evident in the way people interact with you. Half the reason people come through those doors is to look at you. Don’t you dare let some stupid boy make you second guess your own beauty. He sounds like a fucking idiot to me.”

I nodded, whimpering, “He is a fucking idiot, but…” The words I wanted to say just wouldn’t come out of my mouth.

But I love him.

“No buts,” Zameera said. “You deserve someone way better than that.”

“I can see that he’s telling the truth when he says he cares about me. When he promises to do the right thing, I know that, in his gut, that’s what he wants, but for whatever reason the pull of being known as a popular kid is more important. I’m not worthy of the life he’s established,” I explained. “I just want to be with someone who loves me for me and isn’t ashamed of me.”

Once the words left my lips, Lucky stepped around the corner from the back and looked at me with a face of determination. “Aria.” Zameera and I looked at him, shocked, and it made my face burn with embarrassment to know that he’d heard all of that. “I’m in love with you.”

“Oh my,” Zameera said. “Why don’t I give you two some privacy?”

She stood up and walked through the door out to where the others were serving food, and shut it behind her, leaving Lucky and I alone. His eyes were wide with passion as he stormed over to the table. “I want to be with you. I’ve wanted that since we first met.” He reached down and grabbed my hand and held it close to him. “I wouldn’t hide you away. I would never be ashamed of who saw you. I want to post it all over my social media that I’m fortunate enough to be with someone like you.”

“Lucky…” I wiped my nose and eyes. “You’ve never… I had no idea you felt this way.”

“I was afraid of ruining what we have, but now that this guy is in the mix, I know that I have to say something. I can’t just stand by and let him take you. He’s not even worthy of you,” he explained. “Go out with me, Aria. I love you.”

It seemed like strange reasoning. If he had feelings for me all this time, what did the sudden appearance of Tristan have to do with it? What was more than that, Lucky was holding my hand, and staring at me, and as frustrating as it was, I felt absolutely nothing. Maybe, if I’d known years ago, but I saw him more like a brother now.

He didn’t do half to me what Tristan could do with a single glance.

“I don’t know what to say.” Mostly I was angry. Why couldn’t Tristan have Lucky’s fearlessness when it came to me? Or why couldn’t Lucky be as appealing to me as Tristan was? Why was I helplessly snagged between these two people?

Didn’t I deserve happiness?

Thinking about it more sent my tears running again and I started to cry again. Lucky got afraid and took a step back. Instead of being understanding, though, he looked angry. “Is the thought of being with me that bad? I just want to love you, does that make me a villain or something? At least I won’t mock you in front of other people. I’m sorry you’d rather be with someone who treats you like he does.”

“N-no,” I said, feeling slighted by how defensive he got, and no longer feeling like I could share my real feelings. “I just can’t think straight right now.”

“Oh.” The anger left Lucky’s gaze and he dwarfed inside himself a little. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it. I’m…”

“I just can’t do this right now, Lucky,” I said. “I’m sorry, but I don’t have an answer right now. Can you give me a little time to compose myself and sort out my feelings?”

A small smile came across Lucky’s face that crushed me. “Of course! Take all the time you need.” It was clear he was hanging onto a hope that I was going to say yes at the end of the day.

Things were just going from bad to worse.

20

Tristan

Somewhere in the distance, I heard my bedroom door open and close, and when I looked back, the dishes that had been stacked on my desk were gone. It was likely Andrea that had come up to collect what I’d neglected to bring down in two days’ time, and even though she wasn’t my favorite person in the world, she had at least had enough sense to just leave me the hell alone. Friday night and all day Saturday, she’d brought my meals up to my room, slipped in long enough to set them on my desk and left without saying a word. Then, some time after each meal, she’d return to collect the dishes, equally as quiet.

I’d have to muster up the kindness to thank her at some point, because it meant that I literally didn’t have to leave my bedroom all weekend. I’d come up to my bedroom straight away after my game Friday night and neither my dad nor Andrea had seen the whites of my eyes since. I hadn’t even moved from my bed a whole lot, occasionally moving to the armchair to play video games for a bit, before crawling back under the covers, starting a show on some streaming service, and turning into a potato. It was already leaning into Sunday afternoon, and if I didn’t have to leave for another two weeks, I wouldn’t.

Hannah was right, Iwaswearing things with Aria like a breakup, but that was honestly how it felt. We got so close to moving to the next step, and thanks to the fact that I was, as Hannah so lovingly put it, a chicken shit, she wanted nothing to do with me and I couldn’t blame her.

I wouldn’t want anything to do with me either.

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