So much for finding a moment to try and redeem myself. “I’ll do whatever I can.”
“She’s in trouble with Yale,” he said. “Her grades are significantly slipping, and they’ve started to notice. They haven’t sent her any revocations yet, but she’s getting warning emails. I’m doing everything I can. I’m literally doing her homework and mine to try and keep her in a better spot, but I can’t do it all by myself. Do you have a connection or something?” He groaned. “I hate that I even have to ask.”
“Yeah. My dad’s an alumnus. We vacationed last summer with the dean of students.”
Alistair’s jaw dropped. “Seriously?”
“Yeah. I can absolutely make the call. It won’t be an issue.”
Alistair let out a sigh of relief. “Thanks, Nathan.”
“Yeah.” We were silent for a few minutes, and then I decided to take another stab at something more. “So, listen, I know you said you don’t want to do this…”
“I don’t,” Alistair said. “I have enough going on.”
“I get it, but please just let me say my piece. Just this once. You don’t have to respond. Shit, if you don’t want to listen, you don’t have to, but just let me say the words in your direction.” Alistair didn’t respond one way or the other, so I chose to take the fact that he didn’t just get up and leave as an acceptance and proceeded. “There’s not a person in The Royal Court who I haven’t hurt in some form or fashion. Even Nikki and Kyle. I just… I let this whole idea that this construct means something take me so far outside myself that I didn’t even know who I was looking at when I looked into a mirror.”
“Yeah,” Alistair said.
“You and Monty, you guys were those cool neighborhood kids that I always wanted to hang around with, but I could tell you hated me. I honestly thought that if I could get Monty in The Royal Court, things would be different. I could prove to him that I was an okay guy, and then maybe you’d come along too.”
“Monty wasn’t that kind of guy. He was rich, but he was the kind of guy who would have given up all his money to live inside a fucking bus or something.”
“Yeah,” I replied. “So I learned.” I looked down at what was left of my coffee. “It’s not an excuse, but when I told my dad that Monty turned me down, he lost it. He said that no one turns down an offer from the Loches and that if he wasn’t going to come willingly, I had to make him. My dad terrified me, man. It wasn’t…” I stopped. “No, I’m not going to make an excuse. I could have stopped myself. I didn’t have to fight with him, and if I hadn’t done it, he wouldn’t have hit his head. He’d…he’d still be here.” I looked back up at Alistair. “I honestly don’t think I would have framed you for that, but that was my dad in me again, telling me not to waste an opportunity. There’s not much I can give you to make you feel better about me, so let me just say this clearly. If you want to leave The Royal Court, you can. I won’t stop you. Nothing will ever come up about Monty, and you’ll never hear from me again.”
Alistair tapped the table a couple of times before speaking. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“You’re not?”
“No.” I started to smile, but Alistair held up a hand. “It isn’t because of you. I’m staying for Avery, and I’m staying for Cherri. I believe she’ll come around, and I want to be there to support her when she does. I promised Deon that I’d look out for her, and that’s what I intend to do.”
“This is going to sound particularly ridiculous coming from me, but just make sure you aren’t taking on too much all on your own. If not me, you do have the rest of The Royal Court. They all have your back, even Brayden. And, of course, if you can see it in your heart to forgive me, there isn’t a thing I wouldn’t do to help you.”
A small snicker huffed out of Alistair’s nose. “It’s weird. The guy you’ve been this past couple of months”—he looked directly into my eyes—“is a good guy. That’s how bad it was with your dad, huh?”
“I don’t know exactly where to stand between blaming him and taking responsibility for my actions, but my dad is not a normal man.”
“I’m sorry about all of that, but I don’t think I can forgive you. Not just for Avery, but for what you did to Cherri.”
“Yeah,” I cut him off. “I don’t expect forgiveness for that. Not from any of you.”
“Although I can tell that version of you wasn’t really you. Even if we can never forgive you for that, I think you gotta try to find a way to forgive yourself.”
It was me who snickered then, taking a sip of my coffee with a smile. “Yeah, don’t hold your breath.”