Page 73 of Boss of Her

Done with Simone.

So why didn’t she feel relief? Why did she only feel dread, and anger, and hurt? Everything she’d spent the last week pushing down, not allowing herself to feel, was rising to the surface. She couldn’t hold it back much longer. She couldn’t keep herself from falling apart. And despite it all, she wished that Simone was there to pick up the pieces and put her back together again, just like she had before.

Jade couldn’t turn to Simone any longer. But there was someone else who had been there for her for years and years, even when Jade shut her out. After their fight on Sunday night, they hadn’t spoken at all. But if Jade didn’t face her friend, she was no better than Simone.

She took out her phone and dialed Renee’s number.

“I need to talk to you,” she said. “Can I come over?”

Renee opened her front door, her face warped with concern.

“What’s the matter?” she asked. “You sounded so upset on the phone.”

Had it been that obvious? Jade had been trying so hard to hold herself together, but she was moments from breaking down.

“Hey,” Renee put a hand on Jade’s shoulder. “Why don’t you come in so we can talk?”

Jade nodded. Renee led her inside and sat her down on the couch.

“Do you want something to drink?” Renee asked. “Tea, maybe? Or something stronger?”

Jade shook her head. “You’re not mad at me? For Sunday night?”

“Of course not.” Renee took a seat next to her. “So we had a little fight. It happens. And I’m sorry again for what I said.”

“Don’t be. Everything you said is true. I’ve been a bad friend. I’ve been so self-absorbed, and I’ve been pushing you away. I’ve been pushing everyone away ever since grad school. And it’s all because of Philippa.”

“What do you mean? Who’s Philippa?”

Jade tucked her legs underneath her. “She was my graduate adviser. And she… she took advantage of me.”

Drawing in a deep breath, Jade told Renee everything. About her secret relationship with Philippa. About the way Philippa had treated her. About how it had left her so broken that she’d almost dropped out of grad school completely.

“So that’s why you disappeared back then?” Renee asked. “That’s why you went home and wouldn’t tell anyone what was going on? All this time, I thought you’d just burned out from pushing yourself so hard all the time. But it was because of this professor?”

Jade nodded. “I couldn’t be around her. I couldn’t even be at school. And I couldn’t tell anyone what happened because I thought at worst, no one would believe me, and at best, they’d just say it was my fault. I know that it wasn’t my fault now, but at the time, I blamed myself. So I kept my mouth shut.”

“Shit, Jade. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry you went through all that alone. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. I tried to be, but I didn’t know what was going on. It felt like no matter what I did, I couldn’t get through to you, so I just gave up trying.”

“It’s not your fault. There was nothing you could have done. I was the only one who could dig myself out of that hole. It took me so long to do that. And I never really moved on from it until I met Simone. She made me feel like my old self again. Like I was that girl who moved to LA with stars in my eyes and big dreams.”Jade’s voice quavered. “But that feeling is gone now. Because Simone, she…”

Renee put her hand on Jade’s arm. “What happened?”

Swallowing the lump in her throat, Jade told her about everything that had happened. Her meeting with Philippa. Simone following her and seeing them together. Their confrontation at Club Velvet.

How it had ended with Jade telling her it was over.

“I had to,” she said softly. “I had to end it. I couldn’t trust her anymore. I couldn’t be with someone who would treat me that way. Not again.” She felt a hollowness in her chest. “But I still want her. And it hurts so bad.”

“Oh, honey.” Renee put her arm around Jade’s shoulders. “I’m sorry. I know it hurts, but you’ll get through this. You’re strong, and you’re not alone. If you need a shoulder to cry on, or someone to talk to, even just someone to be there, I’m right here, okay?”

“Thanks, Ree.”

“Don’t sweat it. You’ll be all right. And once this is all over, we need to talk about the way you keep setting yourself on fire to keep other people warm. You spent the last week working for Simone after all of that? You have to know how insane that is.”

“I know. But she needed me.”

“You’re a better woman than me.” Renee shook her head. “I’m really sorry things didn’t work out with Simone. It probably doesn’t help to hear this, but after you started seeing her, you seemed happier. Brighter. But I know you’ll find someone who makes you feel like that again. Someone who treats you like a princess and shows you all the love you deserve. She’s out there waiting for you, I’m sure of it.”

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