Page 77 of Our Secret Moments

Mark slams his fist on the table, dramatically and all of our eyes widen. “Thank god for that!” he exclaims and we all burst out laughing. I swear he’s one of the most dramatic people I have ever met. “I’ve been pretending to digest these Brussel sprouts all night. They taste like shit, honey.”

“Whatever,” Emma says, pushing him away with one hand as he tries to kiss her on the cheek. “What about you, then? Because if your resolution isn’t taking regular showers, I’ll have to pull out the divorce papers.Again.”

“Touché,” Mark mumbles, sliding back into his seat. I take a bite of my crispy potatoes as he thinks. Connor’s hand rubs absentmindedly on my thigh, his thumb drawing circles on the apex of my thighs. “I’m going to finally start doing couples yoga.”

“With me?” Emma beams, clasping her hands together as she blinks up at him. Nora snorts beside me.

“Who else?” Mark retorts.

“I don’t know. You could have hoes,” she responds, mumbling and we all burst out into hysterical laughter.

When we’ve all settled down, Nora puts up a fight about how herHamiltonobsession technically counts as her hobby and part of her degree, but her argument is too weak and her mommakes her change her resolution. Instead, she vows to volunteer more regularly at the animal shelter. Connor decides he wants to read more fiction books and I decide to take better care of my physical and mental health with more self-care days and less studying.

I love moments like these where everything just feels soright. There’s no negative energy. No one is talking about oblivion or trying to sour the mood with sad memories. It feels like we’re living in the present, trying to get somewhere that isn’t where the bad memories have been held.

For so long, I’ve felt like I was being held back by my past and the grief, but now I finally feel like I’ve stepped out of the quagmire and I’m finally living again.

TWENTY-NINE

CAT

“I WANT TO SEE YOU. ALL OF YOU.”

The dayafter Thanksgiving is always my favourite. It’s the quiet in the air after a chaotic few days. It’s the Bailey’s lodge with an abundance of food that you know will never run out. It’s the large fireplace in the living room that is always radiating warmth. It’s the looks Connor keeps giving me from across the room as we pass each other in the house.

Today is a day for relaxing, stuffing ourselves with more food and cake and playing board games.

As mean as it is to admit, I’m glad my dad isn’t here. It wouldn’t feel right. Most times we’ve attempted to get together with the Bailey’s, the night ends in some sort of argument that my dad usually starts. Since he tried to make me feel bad about not spending the day with him afterhewas the one who cancelled on me, I’m waiting until Christmas to have a real conversation with him. It’s like having a moody teenager as a parent.

Speaking of moody teenagers….

After more complaining from Nora this morning as the soreness from the hike kicked in, we bundled up in our winter clothes and made huge mugs of hot chocolate, settling on theporch swing. The air is freezing, but being snuggled up next to my best friend and thick gloves around my hands, overlooking the leafy forest, it’s one-hundred-percent worth it.

“Is it time?” Nora asks me, hauntingly, pulling her phone out of her pocket. She has a habit of making the tiniest things into blockbusters.

“It is time,” I reply, nudging her shoulder. She giggles, searching for Elle’s contact.

Living with the girls has given us some real attachment issues. When we’re separated for more than two days, I swear our bodies start to decompose. I’ve spent nearly every day of my life with them for the last eleven years, so it’s been hard having Elle away from us at her parents house. She’s been avoiding seeing them for months, and we know that being with her moms has probably stressed her out. Both of our signals are weak, so we tried to schedule a time where we could talk without the risk of the phone shutting off.

Elle picks up on the fourth ring, her tanned face filling the screen, her curly hair tied up into a ballet bun. Her cheeks are red, her lips a glossy pink colour and her dimples are popping out. Our Eleanor in a nutshell.

“Hi, guys! I miss you,” she says immediately, pouting. Nora already tries to fight me to fit us both on the screen, but I push her arm up and aim it a bit higher so she can see us both better.

“We miss you too,” I reply, glancing over at Nor as she nods. “How are things in Wonderland?”

Even though Elle’s moms only have two kids, Elle and her little brother Mason, they have the biggest house I have ever seen. It comprises of at least four separate buildings and three storeys. We got banned from catching the bus to their side of town as kids because we would spend all day up there playing hide and seek and one time we accidentally lost Mason when hewas a toddler and Annie and Phoebe banned us. It was fun while it lasted.

Elle sighs, looking off behind her phone and then back to us. “It’s fine, I guess. Mason has a new bit this year since my mom got him an iPhone for his birthday. So, now whenever we’re out he films us and pretends we’re wild animals.”

Nora snorts. “That kid is so funny.”

“He’s a menace is what he is,” Elle mumbles, rolling her eyes. “How’s everything up there? I bet Emma’s been on Connor’s case again with the resolutions.”

“How did you figure that one out,” Nora replies, muttering angrily.

It’s common knowledge that Connor has problems with talking about things that aren’t to do with football, but he’s working on it. I promised I would help him, and after this break, that’s exactly what I’m going to do. He’s improved a lot since the first disaster at my dorm, so the progress is slow, but still moving.

I nudge Nora in the arm. “Did you tell your moms about the Christmas recital?”

---