Page 106 of Our Secret Moments

When JoJo first got sick, I didn’t like going to visit her in the hospital. There was always something unsettling in the air. I hate the helplessness I feel when I’m here, knowing that all I can offer are words of encouragement. The second she was moved into a care home instead of a hospital, I made it my mission to see her more.

I was there for her when no one else was. I was there when my dad refused to let her live in our empty house. I was the one the nurse called when she was having trouble remembering or just needed to hear a familiar voice.

We got closer to the point where it felt like she could read my mind. She told me things about my mom I never thought I would find out. She restored the faith and belief in me that I thought I’d never get back. She believed inme.

Now, as I sit alone next to her hospital bed whilst she’s hooked up to multiple machines, I try to use some of her constant strength to stay strong.

“This is exactly why I don’t do home visits.”

I lean up in my seat, a sigh leaving me when JoJo leans her head on her pillow, her eyes slowly opening. I knew the doctors said it wasn’t anything major, but the fact that she’s here made me panic like crazy. My dad, on the other hand, is seeing this as an inconvenience as always. Such a hypocrite.

“JoJo,” I whisper softly. “How are you feeling?”

She shakes her head. Shit. Do I need to call a doctor, or something? I stand to my feet immediately, but her handreaches out, trying to reach me, but it lands back onto the sheets. I sit back down, scooting my chair closer to her bed.

“Where is your dad?” she croaks, staring up at me.

“He’s down the hall. He said he was getting coffee,” I reply.

She hums, swallowing. “Listen to me, songbird,” she instructs. Immediately, I’m focused on her, knowing that she’s got something important to say. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up. “What’s going on with your dad needs to be fixed. I know it’s not your fault, and I know it’s not completely your problem to fix, but you’re both too stubborn to admit that you need each other. You both lost a lot that day, and you’re comparing your hurt, not helping each other. I know it feels like a piece of him died along with your mom, but it doesn’t mean you don’t get to love the part of him that’s still here. And when something happens to me and I’m not here anymore–”

I cut her off immediately, my chest pinching. “Nothing is going to happen to you.”

She lets out a weak laugh. “I’m not going to be here forever, Catherine. I just want to go knowing you two have each other’s back, because that’s all I need. I need to know that my songbird is okay.” My eyes twitch at her words, tears fighting their hardest not to fall. “It shouldn’t take me collapsing in the kitchen for you two to realise that you both need each other. He needs you too.”

When her words settle on me, I know I have to do better to establish a better relationship with him. As hard as it’s going to be, and as frustrating it will be at times, I know for certain now that I need my real family too, not just my chosen one. And when my dad walks back in the room with two coffees and a hot chocolate for me, I know that we can’t keep going on like this.

THIRTY-NINE

CONNOR/CAT

HOMECOMING

CONNOR

At some point,I will eventually learn how to tell my sister no. And maybe she’ll also know when to listen to me.

After the game, I let her rope me into a stupid party at Oliver’s house. I don’t understand how she managed to find out before I did. Hell, even Archer was there and got an invite before I knew. She had a party outfit under the jersey she was wearing and she and Elle were ready to go the second we came back out of the changing rooms.

I let her give me more and more drinks until I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t focus on anything other than Catherine before I had the drinks and drinking only made it worse. I always knew I would never be one of those people who can drink loads and either not feel a thing or end up bouncing off the walls. I’m not Wes, for God’s sake.

No.

I’m a sad drunk.

Which means leaving the party early, downing as many waters as I can to sober up and sitting in my dorm alone as Irepeatedly call Cat’s phone. The girls didn’t tell me where she went. Not like they could anyway, they’re both off their faces. I’m not expecting her to answer, whatever she’s doing, but I like knowing that she knows that I’ve tried to contact her in some way or another.

As much as I have every right to be annoyed with her, I just can’t. So what if she missed the end of one of the greatest games I’ve ever played? I might not have had her there, but I was surrounded by the love of my family and my other friends. I worked well with the team and we managed to pull off a great game. That should be enough for me.

I pace around the empty dorm, needing to do something with myself. All the alcohol has worn off and all I’m left with is a heavy pit in my stomach, longing for her. Fuck. I really am a sappy shit, aren’t I?

Whatever’s going on, I can’t just storm over to her dorm all the way across campus and expect her to be there. She might not even want to talk to me.

Oh, god.

What if she doesn’t want to talk to me? What then?

She’s quite literally the only person I want to talk to sometimes. I want to live in a bubble with her, play house in a place where no one can hurt us. She feels like half of my soul. She’s not the part of me I thought was missing or needed fixing. She’s the part of me that’s always been with me and she brought me back to life.

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