Page 44 of Our Secret Moments

“But if she was?”

“Then I’d be–”

“Pissed,” he finishes for me. I just blink at him, not knowing what to say. “Look, man. Obviously I’d neveractuallymake a move on her, but I’m just saying she would throw that in your face if she ever found out. I just think you should think about it first, you know?”

I am already royally fucked.

SEVENTEEN

CAT

IS THIS SUPPOSED TO TURN ME ON?

“Let’s go,Titans, let’s go! Let’s go, Titans, let’s go!”

If there was any time to put my head inside a bowl of ice water, now it’s now.

Nora has been chanting like a crazy person all morning as we got ready for the football game today. I don’t think she’s ever missed a game in her whole time here at Drayton and each time, she just gets crazier with her outfit choices and her chants.

Today she’s wearing Connor’s jersey with green face paint and a number fourteen sticker on her cheek. She even convinced Elle to do face paint too, but hers looks a lot cuter with a few green dots in a crescent shape on the side of her head. I stuck to wearing a training jersey that I ordered from the school site last week that doesn’t have anybody’s number on it and added a green ribbon to my half-up and half down style my hair is in.

“Let’sgo, Nora, let’sgo,” I chant back to her, waiting outside the door of our dorm. She’s giggling now as she runs out the door, a bag full of snacks and extra face paintjust in case. After she’s finally done doing her pre-game happy dance, I lock the door and we walk down the hallway.

“Is it only me who’s actually kind of excited?” Elle asks, peering at us in the line that we’re walking in. “Like, I’ve always thought football was an attractive sport, but there is something in the water here.”

“I still don’t get how the game works,” I admit. No matter how many times I watched our dads play with Wes and Connor, I could never get the hang of it. Even now with all the research I’ve done, my brain just hurts even more.

“You don’t have to know how it works to enjoy it,” Nora says beside me. “It’s the atmosphere that makes it fun – the chanting, the band, the cheerleaders, the music. It’s a little on the nose, but that’s what makes it better.”

“I’m sure,” I mock, and she elbows me before hooking her arm into mine and I hook mine through Elle’s.

When we get down to the pitch, the bleachers are bustling with people all dressed like us on one side and the opposing team from the other college sit on separate stands. Just like Nora said, the atmosphere is otherworldly.

It’s fucking freezing out here in the early November chill, but the glow of the headlights, the massive time board on one side of the pitch and the smell of soggy hot dogs from the concession stand makes me feel like I’m in a movie.

The games I went to in high school were nothing like this. People were definitely louder then, but at college level, they’re more serious. The crowd knows that the teams aren’t playing to win a participation trophy, but they need to win to be seriously considered to be drafted into the NFL. And from what my research tells me, it’s competitive as hell.

We take a seat not too far and not too close on the bleachers, snuggling close together to keep warm. We’ve got our huge jackets, gloves and scarves on, rubbing our palms together to keep some heat going. Nora whips off her outer layers,showcasing her jersey instead when the team start doing warm-ups on the pitch.

That woman is crazy.

I scan the field and the bleachers, looking back to the small tunnel where the boys walk through as I wait for something. I have no idea what. I’m getting antsy and impatient at the thought of seeing Connor again after what happened the other night.

Not only is it awkward as fuck sitting next to and inadvertently lying to Nora about where I was the other night, I hate that I did whatever it was I did with Connor just as much as I enjoyed it.

I let him touch me in the places I’ve only dreamt about him being. I never would have told him that out loud and I don’t think I ever will. There’s always been a tiny part of me that’s had a crush on him. Of course, there has. It’s the oldest trope in the book.

He’s always been kind to me, especially after the way he looked after me at the party. He listens when I ramble and even when I don’t. He looks at me like he sees me and not like he’s judging me. It also helps that he has the deepest brown eyes I’ve ever seen. He has soft, slightly curly hair that I want to run my hands through, lips that look perfect for…

“You okay?” Elle asks. It’s only then that I realise I’ve been twisting my scarf between my hands. I smooth it out easily, taking a deep breath. I cannot get caught up with thoughts about him already. That’s just ridiculous. “Are you nervous to see them play?”

“No,” I say, laughing as I turn to her. “Why would I be nervous? I’m here for research purposes only.”

“Research?” Elle repeats, cocking her head to the side. That word has been fucking me up lately and I hate it. “I’ve seen you looking at Connor since we got here.”

“No, I haven’t. Why would I look at him?” I whisper, keeping my voice low as Nora chats with the girl beside us animatedly. That girl can make friends anywhere. I’m convinced it’s her superpower.

“Look, I won’t say anything, but I saw you dancing at the party. No matter how drunk I was, there was no way I missed that,” she says to me. I swallow. Hard. I’ve been replaying that night over and over before I go to sleep each night. It’s a sickness. “Unless I completely misread the situation,” she adds when I don’t say anything.

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