Page 6 of Don't Look Down

The wheels squeal when the pilot engages the brakes, and if not for the ever-present death grip on my armrests, I would’ve jolted forward in my seat. I release a few panting breaths to alleviate the nausea.

Ugh, too much emotional upheaval.

I am stressed the fuck out and jittery as hell in the aftermath of the adrenaline flooding my system.

Halle-fucking-lujah, I’m home.

For now, at least.

2

Landon

Istare blearily at the ceiling fan that lazily circles above my bed. The low hum is soothing, but not enough to lull me into sleep. Which is what I should be doing right now. Getting all the rest I can to take advantage of the fact there’s no early practice tomorrow. You’d think I would have crashed after such a mentally draining flight. My brain wanders a bit, but there seems to be one prominent subject in my thoughts.

Sky.

He’s been in my thoughts since my conversation with Leigh. I can’t shake him, even though I’m trying. I scrub my hands roughly over my face. Tired, but can’t sleep. Why am I even awake right now?

This deep into the season, my body is hard-wired into hockey mode. Sleep typically comes easily. On any other day, I’d already be passed out cold. My limbs are heavy with the exhaustion weighing me down. Aches and pains are my unwelcome companions, ribs black and blue and throbbing in rhythm with my heartbeat.

I should grab an ice pack or some arnica cream. Mom swears by its natural healing properties. She’s a mix of textbook medicine and all-natural herbal remedies. I love the contrast. Admittedly, the arnica seems to speed up the healing process. I just can’t be bothered to move to grab either.

It doesn’t help my restlessness that a comfortable spot seems to be illusive in this giant bed. Shifting, I slide my arms underneath my head and the lone pillow that currently supports it. A bed full of pillows and yet I sleep with one. Go figure.

A sigh leaves my lips and my thoughts drift away from my bedding and back to Sky. This fixation is maddening.

Squirming, I shift my legs around some more. There has to be a comfortable spot somewhere in this godforsaken bed. If I could crawl out of my skin to rip the feeling away and shut this shit down, I would.

What’s Sky doing right now?

It’s been a few days since we’ve managed to link up. While the team was away, I didn’t have much of a chance to log onto the gaming chat app, which I’d finally caved and installed on my phone. I’d hoped to catch him online at some point, but no luck so far. Not for lack of want, but lack of time.

Travel, sleep, practice, sleep, game, sleep. And repeat. An endless cycle that barely allows time to breathe, much less socialize. The week had been absolutely brutal, and I’d crashed the second my head hit the hotel pillow.

Which is what I expected to happen today when I hit my bed. Exhaustion, plus home sweet home and all. But nope. Zero rest and comfort to be found.

Just call my brain Benedict Arnold, because I feel very betrayed right now. This anxious, jittery feeling has taken my body hostage and refuses to let go.

I should just send him a message. Put myself out of my misery. It’s simple enough to test out the theory. It’s aboutmidafternoon on a Wednesday, so Sky should be home at this time of day. Wednesdays are one of his days off.

I don’t know why I’m holding myself back.

The more I talk to him, the guiltier I feel for not disclosing who I am.

He loves hockey. He’d be thrilled to know he inadvertently made friends with an NHL player. But not in a skeevy, what-can-your-fame-do-for-me way.

I should tell him. I need to tell him. I’ll muddle through and find the right time to open up. I’m sure I can find a moment. I just have to take it, instead of continuing to hide.

Why am I even thinking so hard about sending him a message? I roll my eyes at how ridiculous my thoughts are. I’m fucking delirious from my need to rest. That has to be it.

Jesus.

I reach over and grab my phone off the nightstand. Twisting it and turning it in my hands.Just send the message, Spencer. It’s not that serious.

If he’s able to, he’ll message back. It’s that simple. Maybe just sending the message will help settle this feeling.

If he’s off like he should be, hopefully he has a little time to talk. It would be nice to catch up with him.

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