Page 127 of Don't Look Down

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Skylar

Watching the Bull Sharks win game five is a bittersweet feeling. On the one hand, it confirms that I’ve been a distraction to Landon and Luc while they’ve been home. It affected the whole team. And on the other hand, I’m thrilled because they’re one step closer to Round Two.

I should be there to witness this win in person, but I needed some space to breathe. Just a moment on my own to sit with the guilt I’ve been drowning in. Landon and Luc were there every time I turned around. And I am so grateful for them, but my mind is a mess of chaotic thoughts that I’m trying to untangle. The irrational, emotional side of my brain is at war with the rational, scientific side, which has caused one huge mind-fuck. I’m working on it, but it’s not easy.

For once, I find myself craving quiet, and it’s an odd feeling. My chest feels hollow, like there’s a piece ofmemissing, and I’d like it back.

Scrambling for some normalcy, I pick my phone back up. I’d set it beside me earlier and have only sent a handful of messages to Landon. Nothing like my usual.

Neglecting Landon is the last thing I want to do. I open our text thread, ignoring the new messages from Cayden.

Me: Congrats on the win, babe. I’m so proud of you guys. You played your hearts out and it shows.

Me: Call me when you’re settled in at the hotel.

My focus turns back to the post-game interviews and analysis on TV. My brain flips into autopilot, and I zone out, listening and watching, but taking nothing in. I startle when my phone vibrates twice in my hand. He replies with a heart and winking kiss emoji. His response penetrates the brain fog, a small, satisfied smile curling my lips. I’ve definitely rubbed off on him. A new message pops up.

LTB: I already miss your face. Talk soon, baby.

Oh shit. I need a shower. I’ve been lounging around the house today and it’s obvious. I grab a bottle of water, and shut off the lights then head upstairs.

I spend way too long in the shower, even brushing my teeth under the spray. The hot water and steam warm me from the outside in. It doesn’t fix what’s broken, but I’m feeling slightly refreshed.

When I’m done, I curl up in the center of Landon’s gigantic bed. Seriously. It’s massive. I surround myself with all of his pillows so I don’t feel so alone and adrift. I hate sleeping here without him, but I love burrowing into sheets that smell like him. It’s a comfort.

Has Andrew’s scent started to fade?

A lump lodges in my throat, cutting off my airway.

My FaceTime notification goes off.

Fuck, Cayden will never smell Andrew again. Spots dance in front of my eyes as they fill with tears.

The call rings out before starting back up again. Shit. I swipe my finger across the screen to accept the call, but point the camera at the ceiling. I don’t want him to see me like this again.

“Baby?” Concern fills the word.

I try to speak, but I can’t breathe.

Andrew is dead.

Landon’s tone becomes more urgent. “Skylar! I need to see you. You don’t have to talk, just let me see your face.”

With tingling fingers, I pick up my phone. Landon’s gorgeous face fills the screen, green eyes pulling me in.

“Breathe with me, baby, okay?” He says it calmly, but with enough bossiness I can’t help but comply. His hand is splayed on his bare chest, shoulders rising and falling with each inhale and exhale. It takes all my focus to match his breaths.

Finally, I’m able to breathe again. My eyes stay glued to his. How did I get so lucky with this man? It boggles my mind.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I shake my head. His eyes drop and he takes a deep breath, before meeting my eyes again. “If you won’t talk to me, I think you should talk to someone. A professional who can help you navigate these feelings. I’m not going to push you, but I will encourage you to think about it. Can you do that for me?”

His words make sense on some level, but I’m not ready to talk to anyone about what happened.

“Just think about it, okay?” he persists.

I nod and some of his tension melts away into a smirk.

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