Page 35 of Tipping the Scales

"So what did you need to talk to me about? Colton and I aren't seeing each other anymore, remember?"As if I could forget, I was the one who fought for you to stay together and Colton denied that request.

"I didn't know how to tell you this before but Colton and I dated when we were in high school. It was kinda serious, he was my first love and ..."How do I phrase this?"We were each other's first a lot of things."

Carina's hand shoots up to cover her mouth, a small gasp escaping her lips.

"When I saw him at Thornes In Bloom I panicked. You were so happy and it has been years since I talked to him. I avoided him and then we ran into you guys at Galactic and things just kept gettingtangled."

"Do you still have feelings for him?" Her question is one that I have always known the answer to. I have never stopped loving Colton Reeve and the biggest part of me never will. I nod in response.

"Did something happen between the two of you? Recently?"

"Not until he broke things off with you but I told him not to. I wanted you guys to have a real chance to find happiness. I never meant for you to get hurt." The tears begin streaming down my cheeks, unable to hold them in anymore. "When my Mom died I ended things with him but never told him the whole truth. He knows everything now but I don't know if he will be able to forgive me."

In true Carina fashion, she pulls me into a hug, the fluff of her robe as soft as rose petals against my face.

"You know what I learned about Colton in the few weeks I dated him?" Her voice is deeper with my ear against her chest and my response comes out muffled but she knows what I am asking.

"I learned that he is a patient and understanding man. I also learned that he was hooked on a past relationship but I never knew who. He actually talked about you when we were together, he never used your name but I know now. It was obvious he was still in love with you."

Her words make me cry harder into her chest, the dampness from my tears getting lost in her plush robe.

"And from what I can tell right now, you're still in love with him too. So what's stopping you from getting your man?"

I worry that he won't forgive me. I fear that too much has changed. I doubt that I can be the one who makes him happy forever.

"I wanted to make sure that you wouldn't be upset if you knew the truth, all the history."

She scoffs like my suggestion that she would be angry with me for this is absurd.

"How could I be a good friend if I told you who you could love?'

There comes a time in every man's life where he has the intention of trimming his beard and things go horribly wrong. It started as cleaning up the scruff that has spread onto my neck. Then I worked on lining things up on my jawline. And before I knew it, I was down to a lopsided chin strap and a bushy mustache. Some things you can't come back from, and removing all the hair from your face after you spent years growing it is one of them. I blame my mind running in a million directions, not enough brain power left to focus on the task at hand. And now I only have thirty minutes before I need to leave for this dinner party that I don't even really want to go to.

I'm pretty sure that Delaney will be there. And of course I want to see her, but we haven't really talked since our night in the corn maze. A few random text messages, but that barely counts considering the tension that hung before us about our break up is now even heavier. She kept our child from me. Based on what she told me it was early in her pregnancy when things came crashing down around her, so I guess child isn't the right word to use. How do I describe something so tiny and innocent?

It's a strange feelingmourning something you never knew you had. But more than that, I am mourning for Delaney who felt that she couldn't tell me. It hurts knowing she didn't feel like she could trust me with this before now. I know we were young, but we were also in love - ready to conquer anything life threw at us. Had I known, I would have done everything in my power to take care of her and our child.

Except I wasn't given that chance, the opportunity to step up for them ripped away from me. Delaney and I were both robbed of the life we could have had together. And now as I stand here. shaving almost all of my facial hair off, I can't help but wonder if the life in front of us can be just as amazing as we always hoped it would be.

I put on my favorite shirt - the one that is the same green as Delaney's eyes - and roll up the sleeves just enough to have my wrists exposed. My cheeks look wider than they did when I had my beard and it's weird to see my reflection in the mirror as I pull my coat on in the entryway. I haven't seen my chin in years and I look like a pubescent teenager.

My face is fucking freezing as I make my way out to my car. I should have stopped, put the razor down and walked away. But instead, I kept hacking away trying to fix the problem and then poof it was all gone.

I'm the last one to arrive, the driveway already filled with cars so I park on the street. I do my best to tuck my chin into the top of my coat as I hustle towards Carina's house. The chill in the air makes me feel like snow is coming soon, which is bullshit considering autumn just started. With Thanksgiving this week, I'm hoping the snow holds off so I can go home to have dinner with my family. I miss my mom's cooking, eating like a bachelor gets old.

I knock loudly - not sure what the etiquette is for this Friendsgiving party - but barging in seems too aggressive. Then again, how hard I am knocking is probably too aggressive as well. Carina opens the door with a smile and then her face drops. I know what caused her change in expression, and now comes the fun part of dealing with the reactions of my new look.

"Colton, wow, you look so different! I kinda love it." Carina reaches her hand out to touch my bare cheek, the skin still soft and free of stubble. Here's hoping it grows back fast, I'm not sure I can handle this baby face much longer.

"Thanks, I'm still getting used to it but change is good. I'm just not used to my face being so fucking cold." Carina giggles at my statement, waving me into her home that I have never been to before.

She waves me inside and I am thankful for the heat.

"Let me give you the grand tour." She turns on her hostess voice and I nod, taking off my coat and planting it on a peg next to the door. The other spots all dangling with coats and sweaters, purses and car keys.

The hallway is decorated with more knickknacks than my grandmother had, and that is saying a lot. A skinny buffet table is covered in miniature gnome figurines in all kinds of weird themes. The wall opposite that has a narrow shelf with books arranged perfectly. There doesn't appear to be a speck of dust in this place. Either she took getting ready for this party very seriously, or she also collects cleaning supplies in her spare time.

Carina matches her house, each hair perfectly clipped and gelled to stay in place. Her pale pink dress is free of wrinkles and the way her hips sway cause it to drift from side to side. Her heels click against the wooden floor, the rhythm slows like a relaxed heartbeat.

---