Page 290 of S is for SEX

KACE. Shane had been home from the hospital for three weeks. He seemed measurably different since returning from the hospital, in good ways. He was more loving, willing to spend time being lazy around the house with me, and had been taking time to cuddle and do girlish things with me.

It was entirely possible the hospital was something he needed for a long time. It was probably necessary to get his mind clear after losing his father and grandfather in such a short period of time. He never talked to me about the trip to my mother’s house, passing out, the ambulance ride, or what the doctor told him during his stay in the hospital.

The afternoon after we left him in the hospital, he called from a restaurant and explained he was done with all of his medical tests. He said whenever we were ready Ripp and I could come get him. The day in the restaurant was the last we spoke of any of it.

I know something inside of him changed, because he had not worn his dog tags since the day he tore them off and dropped them on the floor at my mother’s house. The dog tags were his life, his good luck charm, and his only real tie to his father. I think they might have caused part of the problem, because he tore them off right before he collapsed.

Initially, I didn’t really know how to treat it, so I placed them on the kitchen counter for him to pick up whenever he was ready. That night, they were gone. He didn’t wear them, but I knew he took them from the counter. The next day, while Shane was showering, I accidentally threw away my driver’s license when I was cleaning out my wallet. As soon as I realized it, I dug through the trash to try and find it. When I did, I saw the chain in the trash. I reached in and pulled at the chain, and found the dog tags attached, wrapped in paper to hide them.

I put them away until he decides he wants or needs them. I don’t want to mention them and make him upset if he doesn’t want to talk about it. I know whatever reason he was upset had to do with his father, and right now his father is a delicate subject. I don’t want to upset Shane, not now. Not every for that matter. For now, I just want to enjoy him the way he is.

“Babe, where are you?” he asked as he walked in the door.

“I’m in here,” I answered from the living room.

He walked into the living room holding a sack in his hand. His boots were clean and polished, and he was wearing a new black hoodie.

“Look,” he said as he held one foot forward for me to see.

“They’re clean. They look good. I like your new hoodie,” I said as I looked back and forth between the cooking channel and his clean boots.

“No, babe. They’re new,” he said.

“You bought new boots?” I asked as I turned off the television.

“Brand fucking new,” he said.

He has changed.

“Holy cow. Where are the old ones?” I asked as I stood from the couch.

“Garage. I put ‘em up. Got a new hoodie, too,” he said as he slowly turned in a circle.

“I love it, it looks comfy. The old one?”

“Garage,” he responded.

“Oh, wow. And how long had you been wearing those old boots?” I asked.

“Uhhm. Well, six. No, seven. Eight. Yeah, eight years,” he responded.

“Wow,” I said, glad that he finally replaced them.

He looked inside the sack he held, pulled out a receipt, and then handed it to me.

“There’s a few dresses in there. Go in the bedroom and try them on for me,” he smiled.

“You bought me dresses?” I asked as I eagerly grabbed the bag from his grasp.

As he nodded his head, he unzipped and removed his hoodie. I looked inside the bag. One dress was black and one was a burnt orange color. I loved getting gifts, and I love clothes. I hadn’t received a gift for around ten years as far as I could remember. Holding the bag in my hand, I reached around his neck and hugged him.

“Thank you, I love you, Shane,” I said.

“I love you. Now go try them on,” he said as he sat on the couch and began to remove his boots.

“Can I come out and model them for you?” I asked as I walked to the room.

“Yes, that’s what I want. I want you to try them on and come out here so I can see,” he said as he shook his head.

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