Page 260 of S is for SEX

“Do you think Ryan is attractive?” Meghan asked.

After she spoke, she wished she would have worded her sentence differently.

Elena scrunched her brow. “What the fuck?”

“What you mean, attractive?” Elena took a step back and crossed her arms as she developed a more disgusted look on her face.

“Yeah, never mind.” Still feeling embarrassed, Meghan attempted to dismiss the question.

“No, what you mean?” Elena asked before Meghan had even finished her sentence.

Meghan looked down and focused on her tank top again as she tugged the wrinkles from the fabric. “I just was wondering. I don’t know - we kind of talked about it before. It’s no big deal.”

Elena crossed her arms and narrowed her gaze. “I didn’t say it was a big deal. It’s just fuckin’ weird. You wake up and wanna know if I think the sickening prick that’s gonna cut us in pieces is a good looking guy. You know, I kinda like you. But you’re weird. You asked questions about him when you first got here. What the fuck?”

“I’m sorry, I was just dreaming, and I got kind of distracted and confused,” Meghan admitted.

Elena uncrossed her arms and tossed her hands up. “What? You were dreaming about him?”

“No,” Meghan lied. “I was just dreaming, and I was confused. Let’s talk about something else.”

“Yeah, that’s fine. If we’re talking about him, I wanna talk about trying to poke out his fuckin’ eyes.” Elena gestured jokingly toward Meghan’s eyes with her finger.

Meghan raised her hand defensively, rubbed her eyes and wondered if her attraction to Ryan was really as odd as it seemed to be. Setting the abductions and killing aside, she felt as if he was an attractive man, had attractive qualities, and behaved in an attractive manner – at least what she had seen of him. She began to wonder if they had met under different circumstances whether she would be attracted to him. After pondering her thoughts for a moment, she was certain she would be.

Meghan stood before Elena knowing that she had entertained fantasies about rape since before she and Mark were together. Through somewhat of a moral inventory, she initially dismissed it to her desire for affection from Mark, and him not acting on that desire. She felt worthless, lacked self-esteem, and began to fantasize even more as the years passed.

This fantasy wasn’t something she constantly thought of, or even desired with a degree of frequency. But it lingered. It lingered, and from time-to-time, she masturbated to the thought of being raped. This masturbation led to additional and more frequent mental desire - and the desire led to more repeated masturbation. She learned through interest that developed in her kink that four out of ten women have deep seated rape fantasies. After learning of this statistic, she dismissed her feelings as normal.

At this particular moment, Meghan felt far from normal.

“What are we going to do?” Meghan asked Elena.

“We can’t make a plan. It won’t fuckin’ work. Not in this stupid room. He’ll open the door.” Elena motioned to the door, clearly frustrated. “He’ll see us, and he’ll shut the fucker. Probably come back and make us his new stain on the floor.”

She turned from Meghan and began to walk the perimeter of the room. “So, if you have any ideas, I’ll listen. I think we should just try and jump him when he comes.”

Meghan rubbed her eyes, trying to clear her head of the thoughts of Ryan that lingered from her dream. “What time is it.”

“I looked a minute ago, it was like seven. You don’t want the music on do you?” Elena asked.

“No. I want to think. At night, right? Seven at night?” Meghan responded.

“Yeah. Night,” Elena said.

Elena was confident that Shellie would be next. Although Shellie had not actually committed to die next, she was receptive to her family being taken care of should either she or Meghan live through this nightmare. As Elena walked, she began to contemplate the inevitable.

She would not, regardless of circumstances, forfeit her life. Elena had too much pride, too much fight, and too much will to live. If Ryan wanted to kill her, it would be during a fight – a rejection of his will. She filtered her hair through her fingers, and looked at Shellie – still sleeping on the bench.

“How you think this fucker found us?” Elena asked Meghan as she passed by Shellie.

“I don’t know, we talked about it. He’s obviously got something for brunettes,” Meghan said.

“Seriously? That’s your fucking answer? He likes brunettes?” Elena scoffed.

Meghan looked up at the ceiling, rested her elbow on her knee, and placed her hand on her chin. Ryan must have an attraction to them, she thought. If he were attracted, why, she wondered, would he find value in killing them one at a time. She began to wonder if it was an attraction or a form of hatred.

“Why don’t you think he just killed us all at once?” Meghan asked.

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