Page 226 of S is for SEX

“Trent.”

“Yeah, Trent. You want some toast?” he asked over his shoulder.

“Sure,” I responded.

Cade looked adorable in his pajamas and tight shirt. He wasn’t built like Ethan, but I didn’t want him to be, either. If he was, it wouldn’t fit his personality. He was tall and thin, but not skinny or frail looking. It was apparent he took care of himself, and I knew he went to the gym and ran in the winter, and ran on the path along the river in the summer, he had told me so. Watching him butter the toast in his tight little PJ’s and wife beater made me smile.

After spending almost a month with them, I was becoming much more comfortable. After he slid the plate of toast across the bar, I picked up a piece, lifted it to my mouth and hesitated.

“I have a question,” I said as I bit into the piece of toast.

He finished chewing his toast, took a sip of coffee, and responded. “Okay?”

I considered my question, and decided rather than sugar coat it or beat around the bush, I’d just simply ask it outright, and save any confusion.

“How come neither of you guys has tried to fuck me?” I asked.

Cade coughed and spit coffee on the countertop

“Oh shit, sorry,” he said as he turned around and got a towel.

As he wiped up the mess, he continued. “Wow, kind of caught me off guard. Uhhm, really? You’re asking me this question?”

I pressed my hands into the warm coffee cup and nodded my head. “I’m not really shy, and I’ve been wondering, so I just thought I’d ask. It seems weird, I mean neither of you have said or tried anything. You know, if you’re worried about it, I went to the free clinic and got checked. And I haven’t had sex since, I’m clean.”

“Oh, wow. Okay. Well, let me see. I’d say, in summary, and I can’t speak for Ethan, but guys do talk sometimes…”

He lifted his coffee cup and took a long, slow sip. As he lowered his cup to the bar, he grinned and started where he left off. “I would have to say we haven’t made any advancement toward you out of sheer respect.”

As he spoke, I studied the ceiling over him. The painted ceiling was concrete, but had a wood pattern imbedded into it, which Cade explained to be the grain of the wood that was used to form up the concrete over a hundred years ago when the building was originally built. As I studied the wood grain pattern in the concrete I thought about his response.

“Respect?” I asked as I shifted my eyes to meet his. “What do you mean exactly?”

“Well, you didn’t come to us looking for a boyfriend, or come here giving promise of sex. In a more accurate sense, we came to you, offering shelter and protection from that,” he said as he tilted his head toward the windows.

“What’s that?” I asked.

“All of the bad shit that lurks outside. I’ve talked to Ethan about it. You’re as good of a girl as I’ve ever met, and I can’t imagine if anything ever happened to you. It sickened me to think of you sleeping outside when you were staying on that awful bench out on the sidewalk. I’ll be honest though, I haven’t told you this, but when he called me the first day and asked if he could bring you here - on the first day to get you out of the weather?”

I wanted to hear more. I eagerly nodded my head.

He lifted his cup of coffee and took a sip. As he lowered the cup, he continued. “I didn’t want you here. I told him no.”

“Really?” I asked, shocked that he felt that way.

He leaned into the bar, spread his elbows wide, and rested his chin in his hands, “Yes, really. And when you showed up, I still didn’t want you here. Not in my house. No I sure didn’t. But when we sat down to eat, something was different. Not because you had cleaned up, or because I realized you were cute. I think it was because you were real, and you were completely helpless. You just didn’t know it. You may be street-wise in many respects, but big picture? You’re a woman who’s as naïve as the teenager who ran away from home as a little girl.”

I immediately took exception to his observation. As I thought about what he had said, I began to realize he just might be right. As much as I’d like to think I was some street-wise homeless girl, I had very little experience being or acting as a responsible adult. For someone to take advantage of me would require nothing more than them offering me a piece of proverbial candy. As Cade’s words began to sink in, I became grateful he and Ethan wanted to protect me from what lurked outside. As my emotions began to once again get the best of me, I pushed myself from the bar, walked around the counter, and into the kitchen where Cade was standing.

Leaning over the counter and resting on his elbows, Cade clutched his cup of coffee. As I approached, he turned his head my direction and grinned.

“I want a hug,” I said as I held my arms outstretched.

“Give me a minute,” he said.

“Huh?” I said. “I want a hug.”

He raised his hand and extended his index finger. “Give me a minute.”

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