Page 485 of S is for SEX

KELLI. “Why?” he asked me.

“Because I feel…I don’t know. It’s hard to explain,” I said.

“Do your best,” he said.

I thought about what he asked me. It wasn’t easy to explain. It wasn’t easy for me to even understand. It was just easy to do, especially with Erik. I liked that he made all of the decisions, for the most part. I enjoyed the thought of him owning me, and of this relationship slowly developing onto the one that it would one day become.

“I think it’s just because for the first time in my life I haven’t had to think. I think that may be one of them. Probably a big one,” I said.

“I’m sure that’s part of it,” he said as he crossed his legs.

I sat and looked at the floor. I stared at the carpet until my vision blurred. I couldn’t find words to describe it. It just was.

I looked up and shrugged my shoulders.

“Who owns you?” he asked from the couch he was sitting on.

“You sir,” I responded.

“You’re a good girl for me, aren’t you baby girl?” he asked.

I nodded repeatedly, “Yes sir, I am.”

“You ever going to disappoint me, baby girl?” he asked.

I shook my head from side to side. I hated when he even asked me this. I would never disappoint Erik. The thought of it made me sick to my stomach.

“No, never,” I responded.

“Because you’re my baby girl, and you’re going to do what I ask of you,” he said as he nodded his head slowly.

I nodded.

“Yes sir,” I said.

“Can I come over there now,” I asked, pointing to the couch.

He shook his head side to side.

“No,” he responded.

I wanted to go sit beside him. He told me I had to sit in the chair and we were going to talk. I didn’t like this. I wanted to be beside him. Touching him. Smelling him. Having him touch me. I have been good, and I have not done anything stupid in a long, long time. He should let me sit by him.

“I want to…”

“Kelli,” he said sternly.

I looked down at the floor.

“How does it make you feel when I put my hand on the back of your neck and grip it with my hand, baby girl? While we’re talking or standing in the kitchen?” he asked.

I nodded, “I love it.”

“How does it make you feel?” he asked.

I thought for a second before I answered.

“Comfortable. Sleepy. Relaxed.”

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