Page 478 of S is for SEX

ERIK. Loving Kelli was not a decision I consciously made. I had not in the past made a decision to do so, and I was not making one now. Loving Kelli was who I had become. My desire, contrary to what some may think, was to please her and make her proud to be by my side. The thought of ever having to be without her sickened me.

Any consideration of being without her for moments, hours, a day, or any amount of extended period of time was difficult at best. When she was away from me, I yearned for her to return. Kelli had, to me, become my reason to exist.

Entirely.

My idle moments were filled with thoughts that included her. I told her when we met that I wanted to witness her exist.

I like watching you walk. I like watching your mouth open and hearing the words form on your tongue. I want to know you. I don’t want to know you from having you text me your favorite color, your favorite restaurant, and your list of favorite songs; I want to know you from exposure. I want to witness you exist. I want to absorb you.

The more I learned of who she was, the more grateful I was for her existence. This girl was, for me, perfect from the beginning.

Bam.

Bam.

Clunkety clunk.

Clunk.

“God damn it, baby girl, what are you doing?” I screamed as she came down the stairs, dragging behind her what appeared to be a bed sheet full of rocks.

She stopped half way down the stairs.

She stood there, on the newly installed carpet, naked.

“Uhhmm. Well. They’re all dirty and covered in mud. I’m going to wash them, the pillowcases, and wash the sheets - they’re covered in cum,” she said, smiling as if she were at a photo shoot.

“What, Kelli? What’s all muddy?” I asked as I stood up, walked toward, and approached the stairs.

“My Chuck’s. All of them. I’ve been exploring out by the river. Did you know there’s a river back there? And train tracks?” she asked from the middle of the rise of stairs.

“Yes, I knew. Jesus, it sounded like you were dragging a dead body down the steps,” I laughed, now standing at the bottom of the steps.

“Nope, no dead body. Not unless you stop fucking me,” she said as she started down the remaining steps.

Clunk.

Bam.

Clunkety clunk.

Bam.

“Excuse me,” she said as she walked passed me, dragging the bed sheet full of pillow cases and shoes along the floor behind her naked body. As she walked passed, she bumped into me and turned toward the kitchen.

I watched her leg muscles flex as she walked through the kitchen. Her grace was amazing when she walked. It was as if she had been trained to do so. Watching her made me want to just…

Watch her.

“You know what I like about living here?” she screamed from the laundry room.

“What’s that?” I asked as I walked into the kitchen.

“I like that I can just walk around naked. It’s fun,” she answered through the laundry room door.

“Oh, I didn’t know you were coming in here, you scared me,” she said as I leaned in the doorway.

She twisted the dial and pulled it out. The washing machine started running.

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