Page 424 of S is for SEX

KELLI. Wondering what Erik was thinking drove me crazy sometimes. He didn’t talk too much when he was away from me, and thinking about what he might be thinking about was sometimes more than I wanted to think about. My mind got all jumbled with the possibilities of what he might be thinking, and whether or not I had done something to make him upset with me. He always told me when I asked him if he’s upset that he wasn’t. I didn’t ever want him to be upset with me, not ever.

We needed to talk about my grad school, and about us, and he never responded to that text I sent him. I knew, knew, knew when I typed it that it was a bad idea. Even if I loved Erik with all of my heart, it was a really bad idea to send that text. It was so childish of me, and so irresponsible of me. Erik was the best thing to ever happen to me, and I didn’t want to lose him over a ridiculous selfish text message.

Erik could spend the rest of his life with me and never tell me he loved me, and I would be happy – as long as I had him. Sometimes I wish I could turn back the clock and make changes to some of the stupid things that I have done. This was one of those things.

No matter how many times I looked in the mirror, I looked retarded. My butt is too skinny, and my thighs are huge. I stood in front of the mirror in my new dress trying to decide if I looked like a fool. As always, I did. Erik always told me that I looked great, but I wondered how sincere he was. I couldn’t look great all of the time. Not to anyone. Erik looked great, always.

I wanted his arms around me.

When Erik held me, nothing else mattered. When I put my head on his shoulder, there was nothing else that mattered. Feeling his chest against mine, and his heart beating – I loved it. He touched my face, and told me I was beautiful, and he always ran his hands through my hair. I loved it when he ran his hands through my hair. I wish he never stopped running his hands through my hair.

And I loved the way he made me cum. Nobody has ever made me cum so much. Over, and over, and over. Erik had reinvented the orgasm for me. He said he was going to ruin me and own me. He did both.

Sometimes I tried to think what I would be like if Erik was to leave me and never see me again. I would lie in my bed and think. Erik no more. No more hugging. No more smiles. No more hand holding. No more tying me up and fucking me good. And no more I didn’t even know what’s next because he said this was nothing more than a slice of a side of a diamond and oh my fucking God he was going to fuck me so many different ways and there were always going to be surprises because I never knew what he was going to do next.

No more Baby Girl.

I always stopped thinking about it and told myself to live in today, and make Erik happy. Do what he wanted, because what he wanted was what I wanted. I wanted him to be happy, and when he wanted something, I wanted to do it. Because he wanted it.

I was so fat. Fat legs. I wish they could suck fat out of my legs and shove it in my butt. Someone needed to figure that one out. I would be a happy girl if my leg fat became my butt fat. If my butt was a little bit fatter, I wonder what it would feel like when Erik slapped it. I loved it when I didn’t know he was going to spank me and he spanked me anyway. That first slap was so good. After he slapped it the first time, I knew he was going to slap it again, and I waited for it. And then whenever he moves his arm, I know it’s coming. I still loved it, but that first one was always the best.

Thinking about it was making me wet.

And I was not wearing panties.

Time, time, time. What time…six fifty. Erik is supposed to be here to get me at seven o’clock.

Where did all my bobby pins go? I bought them by the hundreds, and I never had any. There should be five hundred bobby pins on the floor or in my bed, and there were none. Three, I had three bobby pins in the bathroom.

Three.

I hope when Erik got here, he didn’t get mad about the grad school talk. I would do whatever he wanted me to do. Anything. But I did not want him to get mad because I spent all summer not telling him. I just wanted him to hug me. Hug me and tell me everything was alright. I wanted that.

I wanted him to hug me with his cock.

I couldn’t ever get enough of him. I knew Erik said I was not broken and that I was normal, but all I ever thought about was fucking him. That was all I could think about. Who would have him and not spend every moment of every day wanting to fuck him? Who would not be fucking him every moment that he was around? I wanted to fuck him a lot more than he wanted to fuck me. I wished he would fuck me all the time. In the house, in the elevator, in the car, in the parking garage, in the parking lot, at the store. I loved fucking him.

Bobby pins or no bobby pins?

Fat. I was so fat. Erik’s a doctor, he would know if they could put my thigh fat into my butt. I bet they could.

Time. Six fifty-five.

No bobby pins. He couldn’t run his fingers through my hair when I used bobby pins.

As soon as my phone beeped, I knew it was Erik. He was always on time. He never procrastinated, not that I knew of anyway. I couldn’t wait to smell him, touch him, and have him touch me. I was going to suck his cock on the way to dinner. That would make him happy. He would not be so mad about this discussion if I sucked his cock on the way to dinner. I couldn’t believe that I didn’t think about that before now. I was fat and stupid. He loved it when I sucked his cock. He moaned. And when he moaned, I melted.

I grabbed my phone and swiped it.

Heather Whore: Sup, bitch?

Are you kidding me? What was she doing texting me? Grrrrrr. I typed a message and pressed send.

Kelli: Go away!!! Erik is on his way and we’re going out. TTYL. :)

My phone beeped again.

Heather Whore: Did he talk to you about poker run?

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