Page 75 of The Book Signing

All I get is a shrug and an expression of pity.

Yay. I got fucking pity from a stranger.

But I also got some advice and I think I know what to do.

Space.

ABIGAIL

Sitting down at my desk, I scrunch my nose as I look down at the piece of paper I’ve doodled on.

“This feels so weird.” I say as I tap the pen against the paper. “Okay, so what did I reflect on?” I mutter to myself.

Reflection

1. Emotionally damaged by sleeping around

2. Scared of feeling worthless

3. Enjoys sex a lot

4. Needs love and care, but refuses to show it

5. Haven’t trusted myself to have someone in my life

6. Needs to unsheathe my heart and overcome fear of neglect and rejection

I lean back and put the pen back onto the table, feeling like a loser for both writing this down and then reading it back to myself.

My cell phone is out in a second, and I quickly send a message to Tiffany.

Me: Okay, so I read it.

Her response is quick.

Tiffany: and what did you come to a conclusion with? What’s your next step?

A sigh leaves me, and I type back my honest answer.

Me: I’m going to take a step back from everything. Put myself out there on the line and give myself a chance. If it works, it’s because I grew the strength to try again. If it doesn’t, then it wasn’t meant to be and not worth retreating again.

Tiffany: I am all there for you to do that, Abi. But before that, I would also talk to Jaxon sooner than later. It’s best to end things with him properly, not over an argument full of accusations. Just my unsolicited advice. I gtg and get kids ready for bed. Night xxx

“Thanks,” I whisper, not that she would hear me.

I place the cell on the desk and lean back in my swivel chair, pushing myself for a spin.

Looking up at the ceiling as I spin, I just can’t help thinking about how I may have blown things out of proportion. If everything he has said is true, he did nothing wrong. I, on the other hand, accused him and jumped to conclusions.

There’s got to be a way to sort things out with him. Surely, I haven’t fucked this up to the point of no return.

The thought makes me pause, and I stop spinning in the chair immediately, already feeling the dizzy spells.

Anxiety builds at the thought that he may not want to talk again, or worse, will move on to someone else. Of course, another bad habit of mine returns, and I bite my lips as I think about the best way to get this all straightened out as soon as possible.

And like a light bulb, I come up with something.

Something good.

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