Page 74 of The Book Signing

I move towards the couch and plonk myself on it, reeling from the recent confrontation. “Okay, but just for the sake of it, I feel bad about how I judged him. I’m sorry for putting my nose into your business. You know I’m protective of my sister.”

“Mmm.”

She shoves herself in front of me and puts her hands on her hips. “Fuck it. I am putting my noseback into your business. You’re going to muck it up if you don’t swallow your pride. He explained himself, even had the guts to put me in my place, which was well played. I wouldn’t want my sister to be involved with a moron.” She shakes her head and adds, “But I heard the rest of the conversation, and Abi, that whole discussion painted you as someone with trust issues, and hun, if you want a relationship at all, you need to work on them.”

I cock my eyebrow at her. “What do you mean?”

“Well, you don’t trust easily, but I think you need to trust yourself to commit. To trust yourself and your ability to be vulnerable and honest with someone. It’s not just about the man you date, but it’s a ‘you’issue as well. As the old cliché goes, ‘you have to love yourself first’ before you can love anyone else, is like this situation, sis.”

I roll my eyes incredulously. “Fine, so I jumped to conclusions, but his history made it pretty easy to get to that conclusion. Even you fell for it. It’s difficult for me to trust him after everything he’s done prior to me. Maybe I’m not ready for anything.” I shrug as I lean back against the soft couch.

“Okay, look, I am not trying to say you’re wrong, or that you were in the wrong. I totally getit. Though I think you need to reflect a little because it’s obvious that Jaxon has. He’s apologized to you a few times now, stood beside you. Plus, it’s clear your sex life is amazing. On that note, hun, you gotta work on your post sex haze.”

I narrow my eyes and mutter, “Your point?”

“Yes, it’s that he’s reflected on his life choices but Abi, he has been by your side since he saw you again, even if I arranged the meeting. He’s actually trying to do something good for once rather than fucking everyone he sees, which stems from the anger and unhappiness within.”

“True.” I mumble.

“How much reflecting have you done? You wrote it all down in your book, but things have changed since you started this…” she waves her hand in the air, “fling, or relationship, not sure what to call it. But I suggest you do some reflecting yourself.”

I laugh and cross my legs, looking at my sister like she’s losing her mind. “Are you suggesting articles about me, or a self-help book?”

She nods. “Read your book,” she says with a shrug.

“No. I know the book well enough, thank you very much. I’ve edited it like a hundred times.”

“Reading it then, to reading it now, you never know. It may help you open yourself up a little. Take a little self-advice! See what you were like before and reflect on yourself in terms of relationships and trust. Look back on where the trust issues started and how to recover from them. I’m not a therapist or anything, but that’s what I would do if I were in your shoes.”

I can’t believe it, but I nod at her suggestion. I give out advice about trusting again, yet I couldn’t do that with Jaxon.

Do I even want to date again?

Do I need to date in order to trust again?

Chapter Forty

JAXON

Well, that didn’t go as smoothly as I’d hoped.

Instead, I’m back at the bar that started it years ago, finishing a bottle of beer, and doing my best to avoid having another.

The female bartender comes by to wipe down the bar table and I do something rash and blurt out to the surprised woman.

“If you liked a guy but knew he had a promiscuous past, would you still want to pursue a relationship with him? Or has he ruined his image forever?”

“Umm, well, I dunno… forever is a long time. I’m a believer of second chances though, soit’s up to ya lady friend. Some people can be fickle with their heart and vulnerability, some people don’t give a shit what others think. Guess it’s hard to say, as everyone is different.” She finishes with a shrug.

“Is there a way to change the impression she has to something… better?”

She purses her lips, her expression showing the cogs turning in her head as she ponders my questions. “To be honest, I don’t know how much a person can really change. You can try to be the best version of yourself and focus on not falling back into bad habits. It’s the same for the partner. Isn’t it a two-way street? Maybe show her your new, better version of yourself.” She then taps her chin and smiles, “But also ask her to prove to you she can be a better version than her judgmental self, or whatever the issue is between you two.”

My jaw drops. “Ask her to be better? No, I just want her to listen to me and realize I’ll not go sleep around anymore,” I sputter.

The bartender shrugs and says, “Hey, you asked me, and I gave you my opinion. It’s your decision at the end of the day. Maybe she ain’t the one meant for you because she has trust issues… it takes time for some to overcome baggage. Some gals like to cover up their emotions with smile emojis and stuff like that, but underneath it…” she trails off, hoping I get the drift, and I do.

“You think I need to stop chasing her? Just give her space and move on?” My tone is low, and I’m slowly seeing things from a new perspective.

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