Page 52 of Seriously Pucked

That’s what’s bothering me. “Yeah, and I didn’t want any of you to go to the nursing home with me on Christmas Eve, and you did it anyway, and I was grateful. I was glad you were there. It made it easier. I feel like we fucked up here.”

“I agree. But nothing we can do about it now.” Crew pries open a box of lo mein noodles. “Can you hand me the soy sauce?”

“Get your own soy sauce!” I snap, annoyed by his nonchalance over Hughes.

“What are you so pissy about?” he demands, stabbing his noodles aggressively. “You’re the one getting laid. I’m not. Listening to the two of you going at it four feet away from me in the same bed when I can’t participate isn’t helping my recovery.”

Oh, so he heard Dani and I having sex. I should probably feel bad about that but…I only feel alittlebad about that. “Payback’s a bitch, McNeill.”

“This is for fucking her in the bed first?” he asks, frowning.

“I’d be fucking her anyway. She’s my girlfriend and I love to fuck her. But if you have to hear it, yeah, that’s for fucking her in the bed first.” I pause. “But I thought you were asleep.”

“How am I supposed to sleep through that?” he asks, looking genuinely astonished and sounding very surly. “The bed is big, but it’s not that big. I’d have to be in a coma not to hear the headboard hitting the wall and our girl moaning her way through an orgasm. ‘Oh, Nathan, oh, God, yes, please.’ You two are fucking killing me.”

His imitation of Danielle is lousy, but on the money in terms of what she is usually saying to me while she’s coming. His clear irritation makes me stop pacing long enough to stare at him. He sounds genuinely offended. Hurt. More than a little pissed. I’m surprised, I have to admit.

“Just because you can’t have sex doesn’t mean I can’t,” I point out. “Danielle starts it.”

Sometimes. Once or twice. Okay, it’s always me. But she doesn’t stop me.

Crew snorts. “Look, I get it. She’s curled up next to you and you’re thinking, why not? I guess I just wish you would have asked me.”

My eyebrows shoot up. “I don’t need your permission to fuck my girlfriend.”

“No, but we’re all here, living together. It’s like a common fucking courtesy to ask me how I would feel about it instead of waiting until you think I’m asleep. I knew you’d be a little annoyed that I took her to the bed first, but I also knew it’d give you a great excuse to spank her and dive right in. You weren’t really that mad.”

Now I feel like a prick and I don’t like that. Because he’s right. Having sex with him lying right there is a little rude and selfish. But I still push back. “You would do the same thing if the roles were reversed.”

“No, I wouldn’t. Man, it’s like…” He thinks for a second. “Okay, let’s say you’re getting bloodwork.”

“Why am I getting bloodwork?” My tension eases. He sounds more like his normal self, and I’m kind of looking forward to hearing whatever brilliance he’s about to spout.

“Because you’re old, I don’t know.”

That’s definitely more like him. He loves to grind on me about my age. “Fuck you.”

“My point is, if they make you fast that morning before your bloodwork, do you think I would rub it in your face that I’m drinking coffee with cream and sugar and eating a giant danish?”

I look at him.

He looks at me.

“You absolutely would rub it in my face,” I tell him.

He starts laughing. “Shit. You’re right.”

I laugh too. “Look, I’m sorry we’ve been disturbing your beauty rest. I didn’t realize you could hear us. And you’re right, it’s not cool to be essentially sneaking around.” I pause. “In my own bed. With my girlfriend.”

He rolls his eyes, but still chuckles.

“Maybe we can work something out. You can watch, or we can involve you in a way that won’t reinjure your groin.”

“Thank you. I would love to watch. And thank you for being so concerned about my groin.”

“You’re welcome. And if something is bothering you, let’s talk about it, okay? Even if it’s awkward.” Like the repeated use of the word ‘groin.’ “We can work this stuff out. Everyone needs to feel heard in this arrangement.”

“Cool. I can do that.”

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