Page 4 of The Ties We Break

“This isn’t the first time you’ve seen me dressed up.”

“No, but it is the first time I’ve seen you showing off this much skin. You look hot as hell, Boo. And your makeup is on point. I’m so proud!” Her voice shines as she speaks, and I can tell she means it.

“Well…after all the tutorials you sent me, I should be a bloody expert.” I laugh, although, at the time, I groaned so badly. But, sure enough, after watching around two hours of tutorials, I can finally do my makeup properly.

It probably sounds stupid that an eighteen-year-old girl doesn’t know how to do her own makeup, but it’s true. Sian used to do it for all our nights out because I never learnt how. I don’t wear makeup unless I’m going on a night out, or it’s a special occasion, which doesn’t happen very often. Otherwise, I may wear some mascara or lipstick, but that’s it. I think most girls learn from watching their mum, but I never had that. It was one of the most challenging parts of growing up without a female role model. Don’t even get me started on how badly my dad handled my first period or when I needed to buy my first bra. All I can say is I am fucking lucky to have had Jill O’Leary in my life. But, I guess because makeup is not something I need to do every day, learning was just never important. Although, given how frickin’ amazing and sensual I look right now, I'm glad I finally learnt.

“You can ask about it,” Sian whispers, breaking the silence that had fallen between us.

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“About the choker,” she states and looks over at me with a small smile that I instantly match.

“Okay…why are you wearing that choker? I don’t think I have ever seen you wear anything like that.”

Sian chuckles before she begins her reply. “The choker represents a collar; it’s a sign of submission. Typically, it is only worn by submissives to show they have a Dom. Not all Doms will request that you wear one, and there are people like me who wear them even without a Dom. I wear this for fun because I like to let people know I’m submissive, but it’s not the norm. You need to remember that everyone is different, and how they approach their kinks will be different. It can sometimes feel overwhelming, but you will pick things up quickly. The people who work at the club and most of the people who attend are super helpful.”

My mouth hangs open as I sit there stunned, but I can’t make myself move. I’m processing each word, but the more they register, the less I feel like I really know my friend.

“Come on, Boo, snap out of it.” Sian laughs, pulling me out of my trance. “I know you have questions, so ask them. I’m an open book. I’ve been coming to the club for a few months, since shortly after I turned eighteen, and I can’t even begin to explain how much this club has improved my body confidence, and I know it can do that for you too. As long as you have an open mind. It has taken me a couple of months to come to grips with my sexuality, but now I know what I like and what I don’t. This helps me take control of my sexual experience, to ensure I have a fucking great time each time. That’s something most women can only dream about. Even when submitting, I’m in charge of the type of experience I want.”

I ponder her words as I formulate the list in my head, but one question keeps popping to the front every time. “How did you know you were a submissive?” My words are so quiet, I’m surprised she can hear me, but her resulting smile tells me she did.

“Okay, so the first thing you need to know about being submissive is that it will have a different meaning for each person. This is just how I see it, but you may learn something different on your journey,” Sian explains as she throws a smile and a cheeky wink my way before turning her attention back to the quiet roads.

“The term submissive, in my opinion, is more than just sexual. It’s about having that need to be controlled, and wanting to give up that control to someone else. Giving over control is such a big thing, and you have to have a huge amount of trust in the person you give it to. Whilst the club does full background checks and vets each member, along with strict guidelines that must be followed, it’s still hard to trust someone you don’t know. If it’s the first time you’ve ever scened with that person, you won’t have that instant connection. I know I don’t. It takes me a while to build trust, but that feeling of wanting to give over control is still there, and that is what we build from.”

“What do you mean by a feeling? Can you really feel that you want to give over control to someone?” I ask, my brows wrinkling as I try to comprehend what that would be like.

“Imagine the most gorgeous guy you’ve ever seen standing before you. He looks as sexy as sin, and when he opens his mouth, his voice is a seductive, gruff drawl. Then, he demands you drop to your knees. As his voice hits your ears, it’s like the sweetest music that calls to you. You can feel your body heating up just by the way he speaks. Then, no matter how much your brain may want to ask questions or deny him, your body moves as though it has a mind of its own. You fall to your knees. That’s how you know you’re submissive. Well…that’s how I knew, but as I said, it’s different for everyone.”

With each word, I can feel my body starting to heat up, and I have to stop myself from squirming against the leather seats. Fuck, no matter how much I try to deny it, what Sian said is turning me on.

“Okay…I understand that…a bit. But, would you really just drop right there and mess around in front of anyone?” I ask hesitantly, unsure if I want to know something so personal about my friend or not.

Sian’s laughter fills the car, and I feel slightly embarrassed by my naive question. Of course, I know people are into public sex; I just didn’t know that about my best friend. Seeing the blush creep up my cheeks, she takes one hand off the steering wheel and reaches over to take my hand into hers. “Listen, Issy, you don’t have to be embarrassed. This is well out of most people’s comfort zone, and you are so fucking brave for even wanting to come here and find out what it’s all about. So don’t ever feel embarrassed about asking questions. Okay?”

“Okay,” I reply with a small smile.

Sian squeezes my hand again before she continues to tell me all about what to expect at Shades. “People who are members here like doing things in public, but they want to be safe. There will be people in here tonight who could lose their reputations if it got out that they were into kinky sex. Like, one week, I saw a very famous politician doing a scene on the main stage, and he absolutely loved being dominated by his mistress. She spanked him, edged him, and even did some pegging. If that got out, he would lose everything.”

My mouth is wide open again, only this time, I voice my questions rather than allow embarrassment to consume me. “Okay…so I know what spanking is, but you lost me with edging and pegging,” I state, and as a grin spreads across Sian’s face, I know I’m going to be humiliated by this answer.

“Edging is where you are taken right to the brink of an orgasm, and then it stops. It basically means repeatedly getting you to the edge of that cliff, but refusing to let you fall over until the time is right. It’s incredibly frustrating at the time, but fuck…when you are allowed to come, it makes it all so worth it. But that is if you are allowed to come. For people like me who only sub in scenes, as opposed to long term, I always get my happy ending. But some people are subs twenty-four-seven, and they can be made to edge for days or weeks. I can only imagine how fucking painful that is!”

“You can stop an orgasm?” I stumble.

“Yeah, it’s hard, but doable. Basically, your Dom will just take away any form of stimulation. It could be fingers, tongue, or cock; they are all removed, giving you nothing that will help you get over that edge.”

“But why not just touch yourself?” I whisper, shy at even saying the words. I have obviously touched myself, but I don’t think I’ve ever given myself an orgasm before. I guess I’ve always thought of it as private. Sure, men talk about wanking all the time, and it’s expected, but it’s not the same with female masturbation. It’s getting more common with the increase in sex toy stores. Still, I think, particularly in my area with a heavily catholic influence, it’s a discussion for behind closed doors and preferably in marriage only, if it was up to the older generation.

Sian’s response to my question pulls me quickly out of my embarrassment. “Most of the time, it’s because your arms are bound or held back. Other times it’s simply because you don’t want to be punished.”

“Right…we will come back to what the hell you mean by 'punished’, but first tell me what pegging is? I feel like I should be taking notes,” I joke, and Sian laughs.

“Sex School 101 taught by Miss Sian. I like it. Beware, you will blush at this, Boo,” she quips, and I pull my hands up to cover my flushed cheeks before giving her the nod to continue. “Pegging is where a woman uses a dildo to fuck a man in the ass.” She says the words so plainly that I can’t help but laugh. “What are you laughing at?” she asks, looking at me like I may have finally lost it.

“Sorry, you just said it so seriously, and it was not at all what I was expecting you to say. Do men really like that?” I ask.

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