Page 15 of The Ties We Break

“Erm…I–I…I don’t really, erm, know the answers,” I mumble as my eyes fall to my fingers that continue picking at the skin on my other hand. I’ve pulled off so much skin I have raw patches around my fingernails, and there's even a small spot that is bleeding. It’s not much and will stop in a few seconds, but I mentally chastise myself. No matter how often I try to stop doing it, I just can’t. It’s a nervous habit that I almost don’t even realise I’m doing.

“If you don’t stop picking at your fingers, I will tie your hands so you can’t hurt yourself anymore. This is your only warning.” He doesn’t ask me to acknowledge him because it’s not a question. It is a statement and given his severe, harsh look, I think he means it. Why the fuck is my stomach doing that flipping thing again? Does the idea of him tying my hands up turn me on? Shit, I need to pull myself together and fast. So, I pull my hands apart and shuffle to place one of them under my butt, that way I can’t reach it.

The small crooked grin he sends my way, letting me know he is pleased I listened to his instructions, sends shivers down my spine. “Now, explain what you mean when you say you can’t answer the questions.”

“I just can’t,” I state forcefully, hoping my out-of-character, stern tone will make him move on and ask me something else.

“Fine, then get out of my house.” His voice is monotone and a little eerie, which sounds alien compared to his stern, commanding tone. This makes him sound bored, but also a little pissed.

Standing from the sofa, he pays no attention to me as he walks over to a cabinet against the wall. As Dec opens the door, a full array of alcoholic drinks line the shelves, and pulling open a door below, he pulls out what looks like a short crystal glass. Pouring in a golden caramel-coloured liquid that looks like whiskey, he picks up the glass and closes the cabinets again. He doesn’t get a second glass or even bother offering me a drink. How rude!

As he turns around and walks back to the sofa, his eyes are cold and hard as they sweep over my body. He looks like he genuinely expects me to have left while his back was turned. When his icy stare finally reaches mine, it sends a cold shiver down my spine. This is Declan showing me his scary side, and he is doing an excellent job. I’m frozen as he begins to address me again. “I thought I told you to leave,” he fumes. Although his voice never becomes raised, it’s impossible to miss the anger and annoyance in his tone.

My chest puffs out in response, and I take a big, deep breath. As I let it out, I try to sound more confident, to keep my voice steady as I speak. “And I told you, I need to do this auction. I am not walking away until I know I’m signed up.”

I’m actually impressed by how confident I sound. Dec releases a small puff of breath I didn’t realise he was holding, and it sounds like an exhausted huff as he throws himself back onto the sofa. Only this time, he isn’t sitting at the other end of the sofa. Instead, he sits in the middle. He’s so close I can smell him; peppermint, freshly mown grass, and a deep scent that I have never smelt before. I suspect it’s something that is purely Declan, and I can't stop myself from leaning forward slightly until we are a lot closer than I’m usually comfortable with. I don’t typically like people in my personal space, but clearly, I’m throwing the rule book out the window when it comes to Dec, and that’s pretty fucking serious because I never mistreat a book!

“I need to know why. Why is it so essential that you do this auction? I stand by my initial comment that you don’t look like the type of girl who likes to sell herself for the night. The more I have spoken to you, the more sure I am of that. So, clearly, this goes against all your normal behaviours, and I need to know why.”

Although his eyes have softened and don’t look as icy as before, they still look dark and brooding. I realise for the first time that they’re an alluring blue colour. It’s as though his stare is trying to see into my soul to find out everything I’m not telling him. But, I know if I want to be accepted into the auction, I have to be honest with him. So, with a quick breath to try and stabilise my breathing and nerves, I begin telling him the sordid tale of how I lost all my inheritance and why I desperately need around thirty thousand Euros to get out of this place.

I spent the entire time with my head down, trying not to let him see how fucking humiliated I am by this situation. He’s right, this isn’t me. I would never normally do something like this, but as I explained, desperate times call for desperate measures. When I finally finish talking, Declan appears to have relaxed a lot more. I was so caught up in my little speech that I missed him removing his jacket, opening the top two buttons of his crisp white shirt, and loosening his tie. Now that I’m done talking and am back to paying attention, I can’t help but stare. His white shirt is almost see-through, and I can see his well-defined, smooth, hairless pecs and abdominal muscles. The more I stare, the more I feel my heart beginning to race. Nibbling on my bottom lip, I begin to salivate. This guy really is next-level hot, particularly when he is relaxed like this. Great, now I have visions of him topless in a pair of grey sweatpants. Seeing that for real would destroy my panties.

Dec clears his throat in a not-so-subtle attempt to pull my attention away from his chest. A blush rushes to my cheeks, and I clamp down harder on my lower lip with my teeth as embarrassment rushes through my body. His cocky, lopsided grin appears, and that really doesn’t help me stop being turned on. He knew I was checking him out, and clearly, he was pleased he caught me.

“Okay, I get you have your reasons to do this, but I have to consider your safety. If you can’t answer the questions on the form, I can’t let you participate. I truly am sorry because I know this is important to you, and I know you would raise so much more than you need in the auction, just based on how incredibly gorgeous you are. But, I can’t take that risk,” he explains, sounding a lot younger and more understanding than before I told him.

Now, obviously, I heard everything he said, but my brain is fixated on just one part, and I can’t stop repeating it over and over in my head until I end up blurting it out. “You think I’m gorgeous?”

Dec’s resulting chuckle is deep and sexy. It sends tingles through my body, just like his voice does. “Belle, how do you not know you are gorgeous? Seriously, you are probably one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen, which is why I need to protect you in this auction. I’m confident you will get lots of bids, but I won’t let you leave with just anyone. You have to tell me the answers to the questions.”

As soon as I hear him say gorgeous and beautiful, my heart begins to ache. I don’t think anyone has ever called me beautiful before. I’m a plain-looking girl who spends more time with her head in a book than talking to other people. I would never consider myself to be good-looking. I know I have a body that is appealing to most men; a thin, petite figure with curves in all the right places, decent-sized boobs, an ass that’s bigger than I would like, and what Sian refers to as hips that are perfect for grabbing hold of during sex. When I look at my body, I don’t see perfection. I see cellulite, flabby bits, and a few silver stretch marks from where my boobs grew quicker than my skin expected. All I see are imperfections. So for this fucking gorgeous guy to think I’m beautiful? It has my heart racing and my palms sweating. I just hope he isn’t saying it to be nice.

“I’m sorry, I’m not trying to be difficult. I can’t answer because I don’t know the answers,” I mumble, although I try to keep eye contact with him this time. I see when he realises what I’m truly saying without using actual words. His eyes widen, and his mouth flops open like a goldfish. He momentarily appears frozen, and I see him trying to verbalise words, but as his mouth moves, no words come out.

Coughing to clear his throat, he shuffles around on the sofa as though he is a little uncomfortable before finally finding the right words. “Are you telling me you’re a virgin?”

I’m sure he can see my throat bobbing as I swallow nervously and probably look like a deer caught in headlights. I knew eventually I would have to tell him, but I was hoping to find a way to avoid it. I’m not ashamed of my virginity, but I feel a tad embarrassed that I’m willing to auction it off. I can’t find the words, so I simply nod in confirmation.

The sensation of his rough yet tender, cold fingers touching my chin sends electric shocks through my body. Even though the touch is so light, it somehow brings all my nerve endings to life. I’m sure Dec can feel my body responding to his touch. But it’s not revulsion or fear that causes it; it’s lust. It’s something no other person has ever been able to incite, but fuck does it feel amazing.

Using his fingers, Declan forces my head upwards until I have no choice but to meet his gaze. I’m unsure what I will see there. In the short time I have known this guy, just by watching his face and behaviour, I’ve seen him go through so many emotions that I’m struggling to keep track of them all. It’s like I’m on an emotional rollercoaster, and despite being terrified of heights, I’m not quite sure I want to get off yet.

“Don’t ever be embarrassed about being a virgin. I’m not asking why, because that is your business. But I want to know why you have waited and yet are willing to offer it up in the auction?” Declan asks with his fingers still touching my chin.

The calloused pad of his fingers begins to move slightly as he slowly and delicately strokes my chin and edges up to my cheek. I feel myself leaning into his touch, and my stomach is flipping alongside my racing heart. I don’t even want to think about what this man is doing to my panties, but as my moan tries to escape, I clamp my lower lip between my teeth, taking pleasure in that slight sting of pain. He’s so close I can feel the warmth from his body, and for the first time, I want to feel more.

Declan waits patiently, gently stroking my cheek. The contrast of his rough fingertips against my smooth skin sends shivers down my spine. Taking a deep breath, I focus less on his gentle caress and more on finding the right words. “I wouldn’t say I have deliberately waited for the right guy. I put all my effort into my schoolwork and never found anyone I wanted to be with.”

His short, sharp, sarcastic laugh startles me, and I want to pull away from him, embarrassed that he would laugh at me right now. But his fingers on my chin hold firm, and he leans in closer until I can feel his breath against my ear. “I find it very hard to believe that no guy has ever shown interest in you, Belle.” His voice vibrates through my body, and I have no doubt he can feel the way I tremble.

I risk eye contact, and his eyes are so fiery they look almost black. He is so close; I’m sure he can hear me nervously gulping as I fight the urge to inch closer to him. I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing. I certainly haven’t ever made the first move, so why the fuck am I considering it now? Hell, I have only ever kissed two guys, and they were boys, whereas Declan is most definitely all man.

Replicating his move, I lean forward until my mouth is next to his ear, and I get ready to verbalise what I have been repeating over and over in my head. When you are prone to word vomit the way I am, it’s best to practise when you are attempting to flirt. “I’m telling the truth. But maybe you’re right. Maybe no guy has had the balls to make a move on me.”

Long after my sentence has finished, Declan still remains frozen on the spot. If I hadn’t pulled back to look him over, I would have missed the subtle changes that show he is just as affected by me as I am by him. His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows, and his eyes that had been fixated on me are now cast downwards, something he hates me doing, so I take great pride in eliciting this response. I also notice that the hand that isn’t touching my face and is instead simply hanging in front of his chest, like he is still debating where it should be placed, appears to be twitching slightly. I can see the thoughts running through his head as he wrestles with what to do.

Out of nowhere, he suddenly drops his hand and stands up quickly. Without saying a word, he moves to the bar and fills his glass again before returning to the sofa. Although this time, when he sits down, he’s back to sitting on the other side of the sofa, as far away as he could possibly get. Fuck me; this guy is giving me whiplash.

---