Page 5 of The Ties We Break

“Some do, but not all. The thing you will learn when you enter Shades is that everyone is into different kinks. There are different rooms, and they all cater to something unique. The idea is that people can come to Shades and let their freaky flags fly without fear or embarrassment. It feels good to be surrounded by people who feel the same way you do.”

“Sorry. When I laughed, it was more nervous laughter than anything nasty,” I explained.

“I know that, Boo, but these people won't. So you really have to try and have an open mind. If you find it uncomfortable, you can walk away to another area. You don’t have to stay in one place,” Sian says, and I nod in understanding.

“What will you be doing?” I ask as Sian makes it sound like I will be going around alone.

“Don’t worry, I will take you inside and show you around, but after that, you can wander to your heart's content. I am itching to scene tonight, and I’m pretty sure a guy I like will be there. I have been trying to get him to do a scene with me for weeks, but he has always been busy.” Her words drop at the end, like she is genuinely disappointed.

“Sorry…just to clarify, how does a scene work?” I ask, needing to know before I dive in for more info on this mystery man.

“Scening is basically roleplaying. It’s where people, and this can be any amount, agree to do kinky shit with each other, but with rules. It can include any sort of play and doesn’t always have to be about sex. Beforehand, we make sure to go over what we like or don’t like, and most importantly, what our hard limits are. We discuss what punishments will be used if we disobey and agree on our safewords. The type of relationship that develops between a Dom and a sub can be intense, and so there is a lot of aftercare involved. The Dom will always care for the sub until they have completely finished the scene, even if they have only just met. They never just leave. You will always have time to come back down from the high of the situation.”

“Wow, that sounds so surreal. What exactly do you mean when you say punish?” I mutter, unsure if I want to know the answer or not.

“There are different types of punishments, which will be personal to your situation. It may be that the punishments are more for fun to add some pain to your pleasure. Or it can be used as a way for your Dom to set boundaries and expectations. Punishments can be things like spanking, edging, flogging, whipping, or even caning. It depends on what your pain levels are and what you like. Your Dom will never punish you more than agreed. Some people like there to be some physical sign of the punishment, like a very red ass for a few days, so they have a way to remember the punishment. Most will say they don’t agree to marks that are permanent or that leave any kind of emotional scar. Until you get established, you will most likely just engage in fun forms of punishment, ones that will give you pleasure with your pain. It will be up to you how long afterwards you want to be able to see the marks for.”

“How the fuck can you find pleasure if someone is beating you?!” I shout, aghast. I’m starting to worry that I am biting off way more than I can chew with this. I've barely experienced pleasure, let alone pleasure brought on by pain.

Sian obviously finds my comment very amusing as she sits there chuckling, whereas I just stare her down, demanding an answer.

“You really can. It’s not something you will believe until you feel it for yourself, and to do that, you need to find someone you can safely play around with. Someone who you trust to experiment with and who will teach you about what your body loves. I advise you to find that guy before you even dream of stepping up on that auction stage. You will need to know your hard limits, to ensure the person who wins you doesn’t take you too far.” Her eyes flit over to me in between looking at the road, and every time our eyes meet, I can see the worry and concern etched across her perfect, sultry, made-up face.

“I don’t have a lot of choices, Sian. I need to pay the money to Queen’s College at the University of Oxford in one month if I want to follow my dream. I can’t lose this opportunity. I will do whatever needs to be done.” I speak firmly and with a confidence I sure as fuck don’t feel. I‘m a shy, quiet bookworm who can’t even give herself an orgasm. How the hell am I going to do this?

We sit in awkward silence for the last few minutes of the drive until she finally pulls off the dark road and into a car park. My heart starts to race, and my breathing speeds up as anxiety takes hold of my body. As I open the door and mentally try to give myself a pep talk, I also try taking deep soothing breaths to calm myself.

From the outside, Shades looks clean, which compared to the buildings in the surrounding area, makes this place look unique. It’s a large, tall building that stands by itself, with the nearest neighbour being well over a hundred metres away on the other side of the road. It looks relatively plain, and even with the bright blue, luminousShadessign above the doorway, I still wouldn’t have any idea this was a club. There are no bouncers at the door, no line of drunken yobs circling outside the building, and I can’t even hear any loud music seeping out when the door opens.

Sian pulls me out of my thought process by linking arms with me and walking us towards the main door. She is gently stroking my hand, knowing I need reassurance, as she begins to talk. “Listen, we can leave whenever you want to. You just say the word. Even if I am in the middle of a scene, just say you want to leave, and I will use my safe word to make everything stop, and we can go. I will show you around first before I let you go off on your own, but then I think you need to explore on your own to see what gets you turned on. You won’t be able to do that if I’m there because you will get embarrassed. Then, if you decide you want to go ahead with this, I will introduce you to the manager to see if he will add you to the auction. It’s completely at his discretion. Sound okay?”

I nod in confirmation, not sure I can find any words right now. Then Sian adds on one final piece of information that literally shocks the hell out of me. “Boo, just so you know, when you are walking around and looking at all the people who are scening or generally having fun, it might not always be possible to see their faces. Some people like to remain anonymous, and others like to be blindfolded, including me. What I am trying to say is that you probably won’t know if you are watching me or not. I’m saying that it doesn’t embarrass me to know you are watching. I’m an exhibitionist, so it turns me on. Not that I would ever want to scene with you or anything like that, we are just friends. But my point is that I don’t want you to get all embarrassed if you see a scene that turns you on, and then you realise it’s me. I’m not bothered.”

My mouth hangs open once more as I pull us to a stop just outside the club’s door and turn to face my childhood best friend. “As much as you are okay with it, I’m not sure I would be. Don’t you find it weird? I mean, we are best friends but not the type who see each other naked,” I splutter, and Sian simply laughs.

“Don’t overthink it, Boo. We become a different version of ourselves when we walk through those doors. In the real world, I would never dream of letting a guy boss me around and walk all over me. Yet, when I’m in here, I get off on it. That’s how you need to view this. Right now, you are Issy, but when you walk over that threshold, you become someone else. Someone with fewer insecurities and worries. Someone with body confidence and sexual awareness. You have got this. Oh, and before I forget, I go by Cherry here. Not that original with my bright red hair, but it was the first thing I came up with. We all have alter egos, Boo. You will find yours.”

With that, she opens the door and leads me into the unknown.

The lack of music creates an eerie feeling as I open the door, expecting to walk into a loud, noisy club, but that’s not the case. Instead, we’re in a small room, decorated rather tastefully with white walls and black accents. There is a large, black leather sofa against the main wall to our right. Straight in front of us is an archway in the wall covered with a black silk curtain. In front of the curtain is an elaborately crafted wooden podium, with swirls and designs that are so eye-catching, yet don’t hold my attention for long when I spot the woman behind the podium. She’s clearly the hostess who will be seeing us into the club, but as we approach her, I’m simply mesmerised.

She has to be one of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever seen. She looks to be of Filipino heritage, with her gorgeous tanned skin, perfectly proportioned, high cheekbones, and long, silky, jet black hair. Her beauty is stunning, but her attire catches me off guard. Her petite frame is barely covered. The tiny black pencil skirt she’s wearing is so short that if she turns around, you will be able to see the curves of her ass. Around her chest is a black bandage-style top that matches her skirt. Although it covers her cleavage, it isn’t long enough to fully support her generous bust, and below the material, you can clearly see the roundness of her underboob. Her tanned stomach is flat and shines as though she has just used a moisturiser on her skin, and right in the middle of her belly button is a piercing. There's a ball at the top of the piercing, and just below it is a black gemstone with small writing hanging from the gem and dangling onto her stomach. I try to focus my eyes to read what it says, and as she moves slightly, the light catches the silver material, and I read the word ‘slut’.

My eyes flick up to hers, shocked that she would be so bold to wear something so derogatory. She smiles at me, no embarrassment visible on her face. Whereas I feel sure, my cheeks are lit up brighter than a Christmas tree. She continues to look at me with a slight smile on her face like she is waiting for me to speak, but I have no fucking idea what to say. I’m so out of my comfort zone right now. Luckily, my best friend saves me from my awkwardness.

“Sorry, Jasmine. It’s my friend’s first time here,” Sian explains as I stand there looking apologetic. Jasmine simply smiles brighter.

“I guessed that,” she replies to Sian before turning to me. “Welcome to Shades. I hope you have a lovely evening and find exactly what you are looking for.”

Her voice is just as silky smooth as her entire appearance, and I can’t help but smile and nod. My body doesn’t appear to be able to generate words yet. So, I just stand there and watch as Sian shows them her membership card and fills in some paperwork to get me admitted. I sign whatever Sian tells me to, not bothering to read what I’m sure is my non-disclosure agreement. I must have passed the checks they were going to do on me because they appear to be letting me in with no issues. Not that I have anything to hide except my father. Finally, when everything seems to be sorted, Jasmine wraps a green wristband around Sian’s wrist, then approaches me, holding a black wristband with gold trim around the edges.

“The black signifies that you are not here to play; you’re simply here to watch. The gold trim means you are a guest and not yet a full member. Some of our members will only play with other full members. I must say, it’s a shame you are just watching as you would have a lot of fun. People would have lined up for their chance with you. Next time you come back and decide you want to have some fun, I would love to play with you.” Her words barely register in my brain, and I know I need to come up with a reply for this one. A random head movement isn’t going to cut it. So I take a big deep breath to calm my nerves before replying.

“Thank you, Jasmine. That’s a really kind offer, but I don’t like girls that way,” I reply with a smile, hoping not to offend her.

“I saw the way you were checking out my body, and I suspect a part of you likes girls. You never know until you try it. We don’t conform to normal rules here, especially when it comes to sexuality. If you see someone you want to play with, you can just ask. No worrying about who or what they are outside of these walls. Shades lets you explore the parts of yourself that live in the shadows. There may even be some parts of yourself you don’t know about yet. I saw you looking at my belly button bar. Do you know what it is?”

“No, I thought it was just jewellery,” I murmur, hating how stupid I sound. But Jasmine doesn’t laugh. Instead, she keeps her same gorgeous smile aimed at me.

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