Page 34 of The Ties We Break

“I want to, but Sian is in there. I can’t leave her,” I explain as we reach Kian.

“Check your phone. She has gone home with some guy called Drummer. I really hope that’s a nickname,” Kian groans and I feel his concern. I can’t fucking believe she left me for a guy called Drummer.

The text on my phone confirms it, so I waste no time allowing Dec to pull me into the car along with him. Kian gets in the front, and we drive away just in time for the lights and sirens to appear.

Kian drops us off at the club, and Declan ignores everyone as he drags me to his apartment. Once we have the door closed and locked, he pushes my back against the door before his mouth slams against mine. He kisses me with passion as his body presses against mine.

It’s over far too soon, and he pulls me to the sofa. I sit while Dec grabs us both a bottle of water. Sitting on the couch beside me, I waste no time shuffling closer until I’m almost sitting on his knee. I gently slide my finger over the cuts and bruises starting to form on his face.

“Are you okay?” I ask, and Declan lets out a small laugh before letting me in on the joke.

“You should see the other guy.” I roll my eyes at his dumb joke before looking at him seriously. With a slight groan, he replies honestly this time. “No cuts or bruises will compare to the pain I felt when I saw him forcing you to dance with him like that. I saw him slap your bare ass, and it was like a red rag to a bull, and I just charged. Kian is supposed to be the brawler, I gave up fighting years ago, but you are worth dusting it off for.”

Taking a sip of my water, I give him a shy smile, not entirely sure where we stand with each other. Before tonight, we were done, but in the alley, amongst all the adrenaline, he was going to take my virginity. I’m getting whiplash. “I need you to make sure he doesn’t win me at the auction, Dec. I can’t stand the idea of him doing what he wants with me. I really think he might hurt me.”

“Don’t worry. After tonight, I will make sure he’s banned from my club for good,” he growls, making his feeling very clear.

“What about us?” I whisper with my eyes downcast, and of course, he pulls my face up until our gazes meet.

“Maybe tonight we'll just sleep, and then tomorrow I’ll give you your final lesson, so you are ready for the auction the day after. I have no idea what will happen, but let’s just take it one day at a time,” he says with that beautiful cocky smile I have grown to love.

“Just sleep?” I question, unsure if I want that to be right or not.

“Yeah, you’ve been through a lot and drank a lot of alcohol. So, just sleep, and we will see what tomorrow brings.”

Ibarely get any sleep. Instead, I just lay there looking at the beauty in my arms and wondering what the hell I’m going to do. She knows all my secrets and the darkest parts of my soul, yet she still didn’t run. Instead, she sees the real me, not the person I believe I am. She thinks I am a better person. Belle doesn’t know that I was fully prepared to go through with it last night. I was going to take her virginity in a dirty back alley, pressed up against the wall, right after that dick assaulted her. Hardly the move of Prince Charming.

I know she’s awake too because I can feel her breathing start to change, but I can’t do it to her, no matter how much she thinks it’s what she wants. I’ve already had a lot of interest surrounding her entry, and I know she will make so much more than the thirty-thousand she needs to cover what her dad spent. I can’t take that away from her. I’m unsure if I can fool around with her, even if it’s for teaching purposes, and not want to take her fully. The more time I spend with this girl, the more I want, and that scares the shit out of me because we are not destined for a happy ending.

“I can almost hear your brain whirling away. What are you thinking about?” she whispers as she pulls herself tighter into my side, keeping her cheek on my chest.

“That’s funny, I was going to ask you the same thing,” I deflect, and a small chuckle from Belle vibrates through me.

“I was trying to think of a way to give us a chance, a sliver of hope. I like you, Declan, like a lot. I have no idea if you would even want a relationship with me, but I am hopeful that you do. I have been going through all the potential outcomes for this mess, looking at the things I can actually control.” Her voice seems to deflate, almost like she sinks at the end, and I know why.

“There is no good outcome for us, is there? No matter how many variables we try to change, it will never work.” My words are sad and filled with regret. I don’t confirm to her that I like her too, but how could I fucking not? She is the most amazing woman I have ever met and is out of bounds. So it’s no wonder my voice sounds so defeated. Still, I hope she realises how I feel, since I acknowledged I‘ve been thinking about it too.

“Well, there are a couple of possibilities, but none that I think will work. First, I could drop out of the auction and therefore, medical school, and stay here with you. Option two is that I drop the virginity aspect of the auction and just get enough money to pay for my first year. You could come with me to England, but that would mean leaving your job. They are the only options I have at the moment, and they both require us giving up too much. I don’t want us to start a relationship filled with regret over what we have sacrificed for each other.” I have to admit, I never even considered the possibility of me moving to England. Belle’s going to be there for a minimum of five years while she trains, and given the way she talks, she doesn’t ever want to come back here. I don’t blame her. Other than Kian, I have nothing tying me here, but it’s always been home.

“Sadly, because I’ve entered you as a virginity sale in the auction, and you signed the contract, it would be tough to drop that aspect of the sale. I’m not saying it’s not possible, but I can’t even predict what the consequences would be for you. As much as it physically pains me to say this, you must go through with the auction. We have no real choice.” As I finish speaking, Belle looks up at me, and her big brown misty eyes are like daggers to my soul. I hate that I’m hurting her, but we both knew this is where we would end up.

I expect her to argue or to yell. Hell, I expect her to demand that we fight to be together, and I’m not sure what I would say. But I don’t expect her to give in so easily. “So we have one session left before tomorrow night. I know you have a plan to test out the last few things on the list, but I’ve updated my preferences. Based on what we have done so far, I can work out what I would like and what I definitely won’t.” As she speaks, she pulls a piece of paper out of her handbag on the floor beside the bed. I go over it, and except for maybe two things that she has hard-passed on that I think she will like, I agree entirely with her form.

“Does this mean you don’t want any more sessions?” I ask, trying to hide the pain and regret from my voice but failing terribly. It cracks in the middle because I’m sulking, and I start to feel sorry for myself.

Belle looks me firmly in the eyes and gives me that small yet beautiful smile before she replies. “No, I don’t want any more sessions. I don’t want to scene with you anymore, and I don’t want to do any more of the things on my list.” Each word is like a knife to my heart until she suddenly takes her hand, and in a move I usually pull on her, she tilts my face to look at her. “Dec, I want us to have sex because we want to. No role-playing, no practising, just Declan and Belle. You don’t have to take my virginity. I made the decision to sell it, and I have to honour that. But I want one final time where it's just us, doing what we want to each other, and loving it. No Dom and sub stuff, although I don’t mind you being a little bit of an Alpha.” Her voice quivers a little, like she’s shy but is trying to sound confident, and I can’t help the small chuckle that escapes. They love the word Alpha or Alphahole in all these books she reads, and I guess it probably describes me well.

“So you just want one final time, one that is real and just us. That will be our goodbye?” I ask, needing her to clarify exactly what she means.

“Yes. You said it yourself; no good can come of us. So let’s just stop trying because all we are doing is hurting ourselves. How about it? One final time to remember each other?” she explains, trying as best as she can to sound cheerful, but failing miserably.

“Belle, it doesn’t matter what happens in the future. I can assure you, you don’t need anything to help me remember you. You, my beautiful girl, will firmly be etched into my memories. I will remember each and every one of our times together. I won’t oppose making some more memories. But I’m not ready to say goodbye yet.”

As soon as the words leave my mouth, she pulls the Marvel T-shirt of mine that she is wearing over her head and onto the floor. I love that she’s no longer conscious of her own body or shy about being naked anymore. Then, before I can even process what is happening, maybe because I’m transfixed looking at her gorgeous body, she throws her legs over me until she straddles me and slams her lips down against mine. I challenge her, knowing that’s exactly how this final session will go.

* * *

After Belle has left,I meet Kian in the gym, although I don’t have nearly as much tension to work off today as I did last night when I agreed to meet him. When I arrive, he’s already at the large bag, punching away like he has a real opponent in his mind. Instantly I know something’s wrong with him. I have known Kian since I was eight years old, and in all the times we’ve arranged to meet, he has never arrived first. He is rarely on time, so this sparks alarm bells. I actually check the time on my phone to confirm that my watch is correct. It is, which tells me Kian has something on his mind.

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