Page 2 of The Ties We Break

“Mum, sit down, will you. You’re making me dizzy with all your pacing!” Sian yells toward her mother, who quickly flips her middle finger at Sian, letting her know she isn’t happy about being told what to do. I chuckle to myself. Most of the time, these two get on like a house on fire, but other times they bicker like an old married couple.

Jill starts her verbal comeback, so I decide I better step in. “Relax, Mrs O’Leary. I don’t think he’s worth your anger or my tears. I love my dad, but this is a step too far. I need to call the University, and anyone who can help me with grants or student loans. Once I’ve spoken to everyone and confirmed I’m screwed, then we can really worry. There may be someone who can help.” I sigh, knowing it will be a pointless exercise. The cutoff to apply for financial aid was over a month ago, and I already sent the form back, declining any help. I also have already confirmed my spot at Oxford, so it’s not like I can go to a cheaper University I already turned down.

“Right, if you call me Mrs O’Leary one more time, I will tan your ass. You are like a child to me, Isabelle, and you know it. Call me Jill or don’t call me at all, remember. Now that’s out of the way, you get up to Sian’s room and start making phone calls. Sian and I will be in the kitchen finishing supper. I’ve been slow-cooking a stew since this morning. I wanna do the finishing touches and bake some soda bread. We will shout you when it’s ready,” she instructs, cocking her hip as though she expects a challenge. She won't get one from me. I fucking love her stew. Sian, on the other hand, hates to cook, and I see her start to protest, but her mother is having none of it and grabs hold of her hoodie-covered arm, and begins dragging my feisty best friend towards the kitchen. Like mother, like daughter. They both have that typical Irish fire everyone talks about. I wish I had even just a spark.

I waste no time running upstairs to the room I think of as mine. I’ve been staying over so much that the O’Leary’s put an extra bed in Sian’s room so I would know I always had somewhere to stay. I flop down on the grey bedspread I picked out, a massive contrast to the bright pink one that sits ruffled on Sian’s bed. Taking a deep breath, trying to steady my racing heart, I let it out slowly as I begin my calls.

Over an hour later, I called every number I knew of, and then some I found on Google. It’s too late. All the scholarships and funding grants have already been allocated. I can apply again next year for any remaining years, but the first year is all on me. I asked admissions at the University of Oxford if I could defer my place by a year. That way, I have a year to save up and apply for funding, but they made it clear this was a one-time offer. The snotty secretary I got through to spoke with the poshest English accent and delighted in telling me that places at Oxford Medical School are very prestigious and limited. There’s a wait list snapping at my heels, like sharks waiting to take my place. At any other University, I could have deferred my place, but not this one.

Tears begin to well up again, and I throw myself backwards until I’m lying on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. I close my eyes and try to think of anything other than losing my dream.

I’m not entirely sure when it happened, but I must have fallen asleep, as the next thing I remember, Sian is sitting on the edge of my bed, shaking me. I jump up from the sensation of being jolted awake. My heart skips a beat, racing to keep up.

“For fuck’s sake, Sian! What have I told you about getting me up? You know I jump easily,” I shout, as she laughs at my startled response. I’m the first to admit it’s not difficult to scare or startle me, and Sian knows this.

“How did it go?” she mumbles, biting the corner of her lip.

“How I expected. If I turn down my place, I lose it for good. I can apply for support for year two onwards, but this year is all on me. I have a month to find almost thirty grand if I want to cover what I lost. So, unless I have some long-lost rich uncle that pegs it and leaves everything to me, my only other option is to rob a bank.” I hold my head in my hands, the despair quite evident in my voice. I’m not going to lie; robbing a bank isn’t looking too bad right about now.

“You know I would make an amazing bank robber, but you are far too well-behaved for that shit,” Sian jokes, and I can’t help but laugh. She’s right, I’m not made for a life of crime. I hate any kind of attention, and would much rather curl up with a book—all the things a robber doth not make.

“Look, Boo. I just talked to Mum about whether we can help you or not. Don’t get mad at me, she was probably thinking it before I asked. But with me going off to University, and Terry needing to go to that special school, there just isn’t enough extra to help out. We can give you some, but even I’m going to need extra cash as the money they’re giving me is less than I expected,” she huffs, and I roll my eyes.

I love Sian, always have, but there’s no denying she's an entitled princess. Her last comment just proved it. She is getting her fees and accommodation paid for and a regular allowance, but because it’s a bit less than she was expecting, she’s in a mood. Then again, Sian has become accustomed to the spending lifestyle, and always seems to have the cash to blow on things. I’m not sad by the comment itself, though. I wouldn’t expect them to help pay for me. That should be my own parents’ responsibility. I’m also pleased they managed to get Terry into the school that specialises in kids on the autistic spectrum.

“I am grateful, but you know I’d never take your money. What’s your plan to raise some cash?” I ask, and despite the layer of foundation she’s wearing, I can see a slight blush spread across her cheeks, and she looks sheepish.

“I don’t know yet,” she mumbles, obviously lying.

Staring with brows furrowed, I make it clear I’m not happy. “Don’t lie to me. I can tell you have a plan, so what is it?”

“You won't approve.” Her voice is firm, and that just pisses me off more. I know I’m shy and reserved, but that doesn't mean I’m disapproving.

“Tell me!”

“Fine! So, you remember when I was with Ken?” she asks, and I shudder. Fuck, that guy gave me the creeps, but she was infatuated with his slimy ass, so I stayed quiet. Luckily, they were a flash in the pan, over quickly.

“How can I forget?” My voice is laced with sarcasm, and Sian's resulting eye roll makes me smile.

“He wasn’t that bad. Anyway…Ken was into some really kinky shit, and he helped bring me out of my shell when it came to my sexuality. You know a bit, but there was a lot I didn't tell you. The main thing is that he liked to go to sex clubs… Well, just one, actually. Shades. It has a bit of a bad reputation given its owner, but we only ever went to the regular members' nights, not the underground scene.” Her words register slowly. The more I take them in, the more my mouth widens, and my eyes look like they’re about to bug out of my head. As the shock spreads across my face, I see Sian roll her eyes as though what she just told me is no big deal. That there is nothing for me to be astounded by. When the fuck did my best friend start going to sex clubs? More importantly, why the fuck didn’t she tell me?

“Shades, as in the members-only club on the outskirts of town? I didn’t even know it was dodgy,” I ramble, circling around the real issues.

Everyone talks about the members-only club, but nobody really talks about it being a sex club. Or if they do, I’ve never heard anything.

“It's owned by Desmond Doughty, and we all know how dodgy he is. Every time I’ve been there, and all that I’ve seen, they appear to be above board. I’ve heard rumours about more dodgy stuff happening behind the scenes, but that’s just gossip.”

A harsh laugh escapes my lips before she even has a chance to finish her sentence. “Yeah…because Desmond fucking Doughty is well known for his legal activities.” Sarcasm drips off my every word, but my best friend ignores me with a roll of her eyes.

“Listen, Boo. Once a month, Shades organises an auction. I have only done one, but I made a lot of money. Basically, you auction off a night with yourself. You set all the rules beforehand, and everyone is securely vetted, so it’s perfectly safe. You specify things you are willing to do, things you won’t do, and anything that might raise the price tag a little more…things like that. Obviously, the more you are willing to do, the more money they are likely to pay,” Sian calmly explains while I sit there looking at her like my long-term best friend just grew a second head I knew nothing about.

I wrack my brain, looking for the signs, anything I missed that would have shown me this side of her, but I can’t find anything. My hands clench by my sides, and my eyebrows draw together in annoyance. “Why the fuck is this the first time I’m hearing about this?” I spit out, louder than my usually calm tone.

“Because…and I mean this in the nicest possible way, Boo…you're a prude. We never talk about sex, not really. I’m not even sure if you're a virgin or not. Every time I’ve ever mentioned sex, and particularly with Ken, you go awkward as fuck. So, I avoid the topic of conversation and have just waited for you to bring up the topic. But you never did. You’re my best friend, and I’d never want to make you uncomfortable, so I left it,” Sian explains, and I can’t stop the flush of pink that spreads to my cheeks, giving them a bright red glow.

Looking down at my now fidgeting hands, I’m embarrassed because everything she said is true. I have been so focused on my dream of becoming a doctor and getting out of this shithole, that I never really put much effort into other things. I’ve never had a serious boyfriend. Hell, I don’t have any friends other than Sian. I’m much better alone in my room with a book in my hand. If we are talking about the literary world, then I have loads of boyfriends, and I have experienced all manner of kinks, but sadly they’re all in the fictional world where I spend most of my time. As a result, reality has suffered.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve kissed boys at parties, and done a bit of fooling about, but when Sian says she thinks I’m a virgin, of course, I’m almost ashamed to confirm it. I’m about to go off to University, and I’ve never been on a fucking date.

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