Page 81 of The Pretty Savage

She looked better than two days ago, but the bruises on her face reminded me that I had almost lost her, that she could've died in the cold or they could've killed her before I was able to tell her how I truly felt. I was hoping she knew already, that she could feel it too, but my girl needed to hear it from me.

"Hey, Bambi," I murmured, walking toward her. "Are you thirsty?" She nodded slowly, her dark hair bouncing around her head.

I brought a glass of water to her, holding it close to her mouth when her hand moved around mine, taking it away from me. "Thank you," she mumbled, her eyes twinkling, before a frown took over and I knew, I just fucking knew she was in more pain than she was letting on.

Her throat worked as she swallowed the water, while her eyes stayed plastered on me. I took the glass from her as soon as she was finished, setting it on the nightstand, before I sat down beside her, taking her hand in mine. My thumb circled over the top of her hand, a comfort more for me than her, because I did not want to overwhelm her.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like I was close to dying?" She chuckled softly, trying to lighten up the situation, but I wasn't having it. The dark thoughts swirled in my mind with the memory of her lying there, unmoving, unconscious, and instead of laughing with her, I looked down at our joined hands, seeing the tremble in mine. "Adrian, hey," she mumbled. "I'm okay. Hey, look at me."

"You almost died," I bit out more forcefully than I wanted to, taking a deep breath to calm myself before closing my eyes. "You almost died on me, Bambi," I whispered, opening my eyes to look at her. Emotions swam through her cat-like eyes, but she didn't say a word. "When I saw you there…" I shuddered, moving myself closer to her. "When I saw you there, I thought… I thought?—"

"Hey." Her trembling hand cupped my cheek, making me look at her. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. Hell, I didn't mean to scare anyone. I just needed to take a walk and think before coming over here." I wished her words were able to soothe the deep-rooted ache in the center of my chest, because maybe then I would be able to start breathing properly, but all they did was send a new wave of grief over my body, reminding me I could've been late. Reminding me I almost lost what I could have had.

I wasn't a fool. I knew we had a long road ahead of us, but had destiny taken her away from me, I had no idea what I would've done. I was terrified to even think about a different outcome, and instead of talking more, I moved myself right next to her and pulled her onto my lap, my heart warming up with the small chuckle that erupted from her.

"You're being awfully touchy today," she murmured, settling her head on my chest as my arms wrapped around her, needing this connection more than anything today. "I almost want to push you away and tell you I can deal with this on my own," she whispered, making me stiffen momentarily. "But I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna pretend, not today. I have no idea why I'm here, in your bed, in your cabin, Adrian, but I'd be lying if I said I would want to be anywhere else."

She had no idea, no fucking idea, what her words were doing to me. She had no idea that even if she tried to move away, if she tried to go back to her room, I wouldn't have let her. Seeing her like that, hearing her painful whimpers and broken pleas, destroyed something deep inside of me. It shattered the last remaining walls I held on to, thinking they'd be able to protect me from this tidal wave heading in my direction.

But instead of fighting it, I let it wash over me. I let it consume me, drown me, and I wouldn't be able to go back to my bleak existence after this. I wouldn't know how.

"I was so scared," she admitted, making my arms tighten around her, as if they alone could take away the fear she felt when she was attacked. "I don't remember the last time I was that scared, but…" she trailed off. "I realized at that moment that I still had so much to live for. I still had so many plans, so many places I wanted to see. I wanted to love, to be loved, to be truly happy—" Her voice broke, her body shuddering in my embrace, and I never knew anguish like I did right now, ripping me apart.

My rib cage was far too small to contain the emotion spreading in my heart, my lungs too fucking dormant to contain the oxygen overflowing in my bloodstream. Instead of fighting it, instead of panicking, I pulled her even closer, careful not to press on any of her wounds, and pressed my forehead to the top of her head while her body shook, the tremors, the sobs, destroying her as much as they were destroying me.

"You're killing me, Bambi," I rasped, my voice unfamiliar to my own ears, but she was flaying herself open to me. She was showing me the parts she kept under a tight lock, and I was honored she trusted me enough to do that. "You're fucking killing me."

"I'm sorry," she blabbered, hiding her face in the crook of my neck, her tears soaking the T-shirt I wore. "I don't even know why I'm telling you all this. I-I'm not this… This weak."

"Hey," I admonished, pressing my lips to her shoulder. "You're not weak. You're one of the strongest people I know, Vega." And after seeing her file and all the things she went through, that statement was truer than ever. "You amaze me, baby girl." I pulled back because I needed to look at her face. I needed her to understand.

I didn't want us to talk about The Schatten or our fucked-up lives, not today. She still needed to rest and the last thing I wanted was to make her feel trapped. I had no doubt she would try to fight me once I told her about her file, or once I told her about her connection to Arseniy. And I wanted her to be strong enough for that.

I wanted her to feel safe with me, and she would never feel safe if I failed her now.

She kept her head lowered, avoiding my gaze, but I wasn't having that. "Vega," I murmured, putting my finger underneath her chin, lifting her face up to meet mine. Her green and brown eyes glistened, the bruises on her face only creating a contrast with her emerald green eye. I had never met anyone with heterochromia, and I wondered if this was something she had inherited from her mom, because Arseniy definitely didn't have it. "You are safe here, okay?" Her face scrunched, her tears threatening to spill again. "I know I'm not the easiest person to be around. I know we got off on the wrong foot, and that my words hurt you. I know that, and you'll never know how sorry I am for saying all those things. But you're mine, Bambi. And you're so fucking strong. So fucking powerful."

Her face twisted and like an avalanche, her tears spilled down, rolling down her cheeks before she could stop them. My heart contracted at the sight of her sorrow, but she needed to get it out. She needed to know she didn't have to keep it all in, hiding from me, because I would always be here to catch her even if she needed to fall from time to time.

I leaned down, an urge to wipe her tears, to show her she wasn't alone, driving me insane. My lips pressed against her cheeks, the taste of her salty tears exploding on my tongue, while her wide eyes followed my every move, unmoving, barely even breathing.

My hand wrapped around the back of her neck while my thumb skated over her throat, hoping beyond hope she would understand, even if I couldn't say the words out loud yet. There were too many things hanging between us, but I wanted her to see me.

God, I wanted her to see the real me, not the monster everyone else knew.

My lips ran over her left cheek and then the right one, removing any remnants of her sorrow, soaking it in until the only thing left were her red-tinted cheeks and wide eyes filled with more questions than before.

"Adrian," she started. "What?—"

"Shhh," I murmured, pressing my lips to the corner of her mouth. "We don't have to talk. Not yet. Not today. I just want to hold you and show you that you're not alone. I want you to know I'm not going anywhere, that I'll always be here for you whether you like it or not."

Her plump lips pulled at the corners, a real smile slowly gracing her face for the first time, timidly, as if she was still scared what I was telling her was a lie and she couldn't hold on to that idea no matter what.

I knew how hard it was letting go and trusting other people. I knew what it felt like constantly worrying that those you cared about would never care for you, and I didn't want that for her. I wanted her to free fall, just like I did, but I understood that she would need a lot more than just a couple of kisses and words that might as well mean nothing to her.

Vega was someone that needed actions over words. I could give her a thousand promises, but if I failed to deliver on them, there would be no coming back from that.

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